Broken Twilight
by undeniablebloodlust
Summary: A depressed Bella moves in with Charlie and her stepmother Ruth, fleeing her stepfather Phil whom abuses and threatens her. But, all is not well in the Swan house hold. Is Ruth really as nice as she seems? And what will happen When Bella & Edward meet? B
1. 1: Well Enough Alone

**'Lo all =) This is my first story, hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing =(  
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**Warning: Broken Twilight is rated M for rape and SI (self-injury). If these kinds of topics offend you, then don't continue to read.  
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**This chapter is titled after Well Enough Alone by Chevelle. Enjoy?!  
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Chapter 1: Well Enough Alone

Bella's POV

I braced myself as Renee came toward me for one last hug and I held my breath, counting the seconds in my pattern _1,2,3...1,2...1,2,3…_-trying hard not to freak out- until she let go. I breathed in and fixed a nonchalant expression onto my face.

"Bye, honey. I love you," her voice broke. I'd grown distant and a bit angry at Renee since _it_ had started happening, but I still didn't want to see her sad.

"I love you too, mom," I turned and started walking away, pondering in my mind whether or not love was indeed real.

"Bella, wait!" she shouted. I turned back to her. "Here…call me everyday." She handed me the small black cell phone that she'd purchased for me a few days earlier. It was one of her conditions for letting me go. She said that now, there was no excuse for not keeping in touch with her.

Once I was on the plane, my carefully fabricated indifference broke. I took my seat and put my headphones on, turning my music up, as loud as it would go. The woman sitting beside me looked in my direction and quickly put her own headphones on, not appreciating the heavy metal emanating from my ipod.

I put my head in my hands, willing the music to soothe me, to no avail. It wasn't enough. Silent tears trickled down my cheeks. I didn't really want to leave Renee. It was necessary, though. At least, that's what I kept telling myself. People were starting to get suspicious as to why I always wore so many layers. It's ridiculous to live in Phoenix and dress for cool weather. Renee's obliviousness was killing me. I couldn't continue to live with her and my stepfather.

_Phil._ Just thinking the name gave me goose bumps. It terrified me. It brought back the horrible memories that I tried to bury in the back of my mind. It made my wrist ache for sharp steel. _Too bad I couldn't bring _that _on the plane with me._

I stared at the wrist bands that covered both of my wrists for a moment and stood up to get my carry-on bag from the overhead compartment. I rifled through it, searching for anything that was the slightest bit sharp. _Shit. Nothing._ I'd have to wait until I arrived at Forks. I should have done it before I left the house, but Renee was hovering over me, not letting me out of her sight. As if I would disappear at any second.

I was getting another headache. A side effect of the damnable Prozac prescribed by that genius psychiatrist of mine, Dr. Jones. The headaches were pretty strong. _Ah…the perils of being crazy._ If you asked me, the Prozac wasn't helping my "condition" at all. I still felt the same and those damned side effects were starting to get to me. But, on the other hand, when I exceeded the required dosage, it felt pretty darned good.

I'd been seeing Dr. Jones twice a week for about a month- at Renee's request- before he finally diagnosed me with Major clinical depression or major depressive disorder (MDD). Jones never got a word out of me as to why I was so depressed. But really, if I wouldn't talk to anyone close to me, what made Renee think that I would talk to a psychiatrist?

_I wonder what my new psychiatrist will be like._ Another one of Renee's conditions was that I have sessions with a psychiatrist in Forks at least once a week.

"Would you like anything to drink, ma'am?" the flight attendant's concerned voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"No, thank you," I said in a quiet voice and she moved on. I hadn't realize that the tears were still coming down my cheeks. I wiped them away and tried to compose myself, taking deep breaths. Once again, I masked my emotions with that nonchalant expression that I'd grown so accustomed to using. I'd learned to hide my feelings quite well.

I cleared my mind of all thoughts, for the less I thought, the less I'd feel. And I didn't want to have one of my _episodes_ on the plane. All I wanted to feel was sweet nothingness, numbness, apathy. I liked being numb. Just the thought of no pain was wonderfully appealing. There was nothing in me and that was how I liked it.

The plane finally landed in Port Angeles and Charlie was waiting outside my gate. "Hey, Bells," he sounded quite chipper.

"Hi, Cha-dad," I tried to sound as cheerful as I could.

"You haven't changed a bit," he stated.

I had to suppress a bitter laugh. _Not on the outside,_ I thought. I gave him a smile. Fake as it was- because those seemed to be the only ones I could muster up anymore- he didn't seem to notice. He wasn't very perceptive and I was thankful for that. Or maybe it was because I had been faking smiles and emotions for so long, that I was actually good at it.

He took my bags and led me to his police cruiser. Charlie was the chief of police in Forks. Living with a cop should be safe, right?

The drive home was silent, but neither of us minded it. When we got to the house, I spotted an old red Chevy truck. _That's odd. I don't remember Charlie needing another car._

"When did you get the truck, dad?"

"I actually got it for you, Bells," he admitted sheepishly. "You'll need a way to get around." He continued to tell me about how he had gotten it from his old friend Billy Black.

"Thanks, dad. I love it," I really did. It had…character. "But I did bring money to buy one myself. You didn't have to."

"It's okay. It was my pleasure," he said as he climbed out of the cruiser. He took my bags out of the trunk and brought them up to my room.

"Where's Ruth?" I asked. Ruth was Charlie's wife. I had only met her once, which was for the wedding. I'd gotten a bad feeling about her, though. She was a tall woman- a bit taller than Charlie, even- with fair skin, black hair, and dull brown eyes.

"She went to Seattle with her friends," he stated. "She'll be back tomorrow by the time you get back from school. She is very excited that you are going to be living with us."

I decided to unpack, first. When I was done unpacking, I took a shower. I was extremely tense, so I stood under the shower head and let the hot water relax my muscles.

I searched the medicine cabinet after I'd gotten my pajamas on. After a minute, I spotted a small silver blade. I ran my thumb across the edge, wincing as it drew blood. _Perfect,_ I thought as I placed it in my bag of toiletries.

I slipped back into my room after shouting a "goodnight" to Charlie, who was downstairs watching a game on ESPN. My room hadn't changed a bit since I was a child. The walls were still blue and the same yellow curtains still hung around the window.

I turned my light off and went to sit cross legged on my bed. _Ugh. I start school tomorrow._ I took the alarm clock from the nightstand and set the alarm to 6:30 am and put it back.

Forks Highschool was a small school. Not overpopulated like my old school in Phoenix. It was so easy to go by unnoticed because there was always so much going on. So easy to isolate myself from everybody else. But, I severely doubted it would be like that, now.

Being the new girl in a school of only three hundred and fifty-eight students was sure to be difficult. I'd probably be much different than these kids, though I seriously hoped otherwise. Being the only…_"punk"? I guess_- for lack of a better term- in a new school, would surely draw attention to me. Not to mention having MDD. I could only wish that not many people would notice me.

Suddenly, with my head in my hands, I began to sob. I mean really bawl. The numbness was gone and I was left to feel all of the pain and worry that I'd been suppressing. It was a good thing that Charlie was downstairs.

**(A/N) So there it is. Please r&r. I want to know what you think!**

**I've started editing some chapters because as the time goes by, the way I write changes(hopefully for the better), but I'm only making a few corrections. Nothing drastic, as I don't want to confuse anyone.  
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	2. 2: Part Of Me

**I have decided to post chapter two, now, before being dragged off to church after I don't know how many years. I am not too happy about it (no offense to those of you who are religious) **

**Thanks to those who reviewed!!! Yes I will give flashbacks of Phil. I already have the first one typed up. I just have to tweak it a little. **

**MDD stands for Major Depressive Disorder, which is another name for Major Clinical Depression. It is when a person is in an extremely depressed mood which lasts at least two weeks. It is specified as 'a single episode' or 'recurrent'. Bella's MDD is recurrent. So basically, she's pretty much always depressed. I hope that cleared up the questions about MDD.**

**I named this chapter after Part Of Me by Linkin Park because the lyrics went so well with it. **

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own twilight or any of the characters. They all belong to the genius Stephenie Meyer. I am only borrowing them for a little while. I also do not own apple ipod or Prozac.****  
**

**P.S- I changed Bella's style. So, sorry for such a long author's note. On to Chapter two. Enjoy!**  


Chapter 2: Part Of Me

Bella's POV

My thoughts drifted into another territory before I could stop them. I started to cry even harder- if that was even possible- my heartbeat accelerated and my breathing became shallow. It was as if I was reliving all of those moments. I hated when this happened. The memories always seeped through at random times. They would begin to consume me and there was nothing I could do about it except excuse myself if I was in a public place before I broke down, and wait until it was over. I had no control over it.

I tried my hardest to stop it, to no avail. Images kept flashing in my mind. It was always Phil. His sinister smile and his maniacal laughter. The things he had done to me. It hurt to see them. I laid down on my side, clutching my head with my hands.

After what seemed like hours, my breathing and heartbeat went back to normal. I got up and walked over to the desk where I had set down my bag of toiletries. Of course, I tripped, and would have fallen on my face if I hadn't steadied myself on the desk.

I grabbed the blade and walked back to bed, removing the wrist band on my left wrist. I sat back down on the same spot as before.

Biting my bottom lip, I pressed down on the sharp edge and glided it across my wrist, drawing blood, instantly. I laid back, reveling in the soothing pain. Letting it take over the dark thoughts that had clouded my mind.

I must have fallen asleep like that, because the next morning, I awoke to my alarm clock blaring. _Crap. School_. I sat up and looked down. There was dried blood on my wrist, and a little bit on the bed, where my arm had been. I would have to wash the sheets when I got home.

I got ready for school, deciding on a pair of black flared jeans, a deep purple tank top, a black hoodie and black converse.

I placed the wristband back on my wrist and put the blade in my school bag. _Just in case_. I thought. I always carried one around, back in Phoenix because there was no telling when I would need it. I grabbed the bottle of Prozac from my nightstand and took one out.

Then, I ambled down the stairs to get some breakfast. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I just grabbed a granola bar with a glass of milk, swallowed the Prozac and sat down at the kitchen table.

I pulled my ipod and Night by Elie Wiesel out of my bag. I turned on my ipod and started to read. Charlie walked out of the door and I faintly heard him utter something about good luck. I really hoped that luck would stick with me. At least through my first day.

When I could stall no longer, I grabbed my bag and jacket, walked out of the house and over to my new- well new to me- truck. The engine came to life with a startling roar, making me jump. I took a deep breath and backed out of the driveway.

Now, to get through this day as quickly and painlessly as possible…

**(A/N) So, there it is. Sorry, I know it was pretty short but I wanted to make this one its own chapter instead of putting it with the previous one. What did you think? I would really like to know. Please review. Oh and Edward will definitely be in the next chapter.**


	3. 3: Highschool Never Ends

**I'm sorry I couldn't update sooner. I had to go upstate and my laptop didn't get an internet connection. Thanks to my reviewers. I really appreciate the reviews!  
Yes, the Cullens are vampires in this story. I cant really picture them as humans.  
And yes, Bella's cuts will affect Edward more. This chapter is named after Highschool Never Ends by Bowling For Soup.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the characters. They all belong to the genius Stephenie Meyer. I am only borrowing them for a little while. I also do not own apple ipod or Prozac.**  
**So, on to Chapter 3. Enjoy!**

Chapter 3: Highschool Never Ends  
Bella's POV

Thankfully, Forks Highschool was not difficult to find. I parked in front of the main office and walked inside to get my schedule. The woman behind the desk had red hair and glasses. Her name tag read Ms. Cope. She new immediately who I was when I gave her my name and handed me my schedule as well as a map of the school, eyeing me closely.

I walked back to my truck and parked in the student parking lot, staying inside for a little while so that I could memorize my map and schedule. I glanced up and noticed that the parking lot was nearly full, now. I took a deep breath and climbed out of my truck, attaching the key to the chain on my pants.

My first class wasn't hard to find. I had English with Mr. Mason. Everyone gawked at me, making me turn a deep shade of red. I sat at the back, but I was still stared at. I couldn't concentrate with so many eyes on me. I plastered that ever calm look on my face showing no emotion.

Finally, the bell rang. As I was gathering my books, a geeky looking boy with jet black hair came up to me. "You're Isabella Swan, right?" he asked shyly.

"Bella," I corrected.

"I'm Eric. Would you like me to walk you to your next class?" he was blushing a soft pink.

"It's okay, I think I can find it on my own," I didn't want to hurt his feelings but, I would rather be alone.

"Oh, okay," he gave me a sad frown and turned to walk away.

As I walked out of class, once again, all eyes were on me. I kept my head down, my eyes on my feet as I made my way to my next class.

The rest of the morning passed in pretty much the same manner. This one girl with huge, curly, brown hair named…_Jessica?_ had trigonometry and government with me. She started talking to me and boy could this girl talk! I couldn't get rid of her like I did with Eric. _Just smile and nod, Bella_. I kept telling myself. She didn't seem to notice whether or not I was truly listening, which was a good thing because I most definitely was not! All this girl could seem to talk about was herself and trust me, she was not a very interesting subject.

I was okay as long as I didn't have to speak about myself. Actually, I didn't have to speak at all. Just smile and nod. It was, of course, a fake smile that I wished she would notice and leave me alone because of, but she didn't. _Self-absorbed, much?_ She asked me to join her and her friends in lunch, but I politely declined, saying that I would just go inside to buy a water because I had to make a phone call from my cell phone. I would rather stay in my truck than listen to her ramblings for a whole other period or be grilled by a bunch of nosey kids.

I hopped into my truck and turned my ipod on full blast as I waited out the period.

About halfway through the period, I noticed three shadows a few cars down. They were standing outside of shiny silver Volvo. I gasped when I saw there faces. They were each so beautiful.

There were two boys and a girl. The girl was small and resembled a pixie with spiky black hair. Her face was exquisite. She was holding the hand of one of the boys. He was extremely tall and handsome, with blonde colored hair.

On the girl's other side, was one of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen. No. I was positive that he _was THE_ most b-e-a-utiful creature that I had _ever _laid eyes upon. He had bronze colored hair that was gloriously disheveled, intense topaz eyes that stood out against his pale skin.

As a matter of fact, they each had topaz eyes and pale skin. The three were so similar, yet completely different. Their strikingly beautiful faces seemed almost inhuman. Especially the bronze-haired boy. I gasped again at his beauty.

I realized that I was staring, so I shifted my eyes to my hands and began to sing along to the song that was currently blaring through my headphones. I loved singing and was told, by my friends in Phoenix, that I was good at it. Well, they _were_ my friends.

I had never been a very social person, but I actually did have a few friends before _it_ started happening. After that, I started to push everyone away. We had all been in to the same things; music, instruments, and skateboarding (the one thing I could do without falling so much. But I guess it was all the practice).

I looked up, to see the pixie-like girl and her boyfriend- I guessed that's what he was- staring at me as if they had heard me. I stopped singing and looked away, quickly turning crimson. I hadn't thought I was being so loud.

When I looked back, they were still staring, only now, the beautiful boy was staring as well. He had a confused, yet awed look on his face. The look turned to frustration, though, so I turned away again. Leaning my head against the window and closing my eyes, I began to hum quietly to my music, letting the color fade from my cheeks. _Why had the boy stared at me that way?_

I pushed the thought to the back of my mind, tuned out the world, and tuned in the music. I loved music with a passion and didn't know what I would do without my ipod. I need it more now, that I had stopped playing.

At times, I really missed it. Renee had talked me into taking my guitar with me, as well as my skateboard, so now they were sitting in my room. I just couldn't bring myself to use either of them anymore. It was as if all the joy they had once brought me, had been sucked out. Dr. Jones said it was one of the symptoms of MDD.

When it was time for my next class, which was biology, I climbed out of my truck, reluctantly. I kept my head down as I walked to class. Counting my steps. _1,2...1,2,3...1,2..._  
I was a little late, and everyone turned to look at me. I thought that there must have been something wrong with me. Didn't I meet their expectations? _Probably not_. I made my way over to the teacher, Mr. Banner. He signed my slip and pointed me in the direction of the only available seat in the class. To my utter surprise, the seat next to mine was occupied by none other than the beautiful boy from the parking lot.

As I made my way down the row of seats, I looked up to him. He was glaring at me for some reason that I couldn't fathom. His eyes were cold, his expression, furious. I looked away, quickly and tripped over someone's bag. I heard the kids giggling. One mean looking blonde girl cackling louder than the rest.

My face flushed furiously as I took my seat. The boy moved as far from me as the desk would allow. I put on my indifferent façade as I pulled out a notebook and pen.

He clenched his jaw and took hold of the edge of the desk, looking like he was about to break it. His nose was wrinkled as if he smelt some foul odor. Inconspicuously, I smelled myself, but didn't smell anything bad. I smelled like my strawberry shampoo. I just kept my head down and let my bangs cover my face.

I sensed his eyes boring in to me. I turned to see him still glaring at me, with even more irritation in his cold black eyes. _Black eyes? I could've sworn they were a different color_. I thought I was just imagining things, it wouldn't surprise me, anyway. _Maybe I really do need a psychiatrist as much as Renee says._

I, subconsciously began to twirl my pen with my fingers, out of boredom. Suddenly, he clutched his head in his hands. He appeared to have stopped breathing. "Mr. Banner, may I be excused. I am not feeling well." his voice sounded strained.

"Yes, go," Mr. Banner said. He looked shocked, as did the rest of the class.

The boy rushed out of the class room, extremely fast.

After class, another boy came up to me as I was putting my books away, he had spiky blond hair and a baby face. "Isabella Swan, right?" he asked. Unlike the first boy, this one seemed confident.

"Bella," I corrected automatically.

"Bella," he repeated. "So, what'd you do to Edward Cullen?"

"Was that the boy that was sitting next t me? Um…I don't know" I said. _Edward Cullen…_

" Yeah. I'm Mike, by the way. What class do you have next?"

"Gym," I stated. _Please don't ask to walk me to class!_

"I have gym too. Would you mind if I walk with you?" he seemed so self-assured. As if he knew I'd say yes. _Sorry to burst your bubble, but..._

"Actually, Mike. I think I need some time alone. I have a rather big headache," I said, with as much politeness as I could manage.

"Would you like me to take you to the nurse?" he seemed concerned.

"No. It's okay." It wasn't a lie. I did actually have a headache. _I thought I was home-free today. Ugh._

Gym was my last class, so I headed over to the main office to hand in the slip with my teachers' signature when it was over. Upon entry, I saw Edward Cullen talking to the receptionist. They hadn't noticed me, so I just stayed by the wall, waiting for them to finish. I over heard their conversation.

"Is there anything that you could do to change my biology class?" his voice was smooth as velvet. I could not believe that this was all about me. What had I done to him to make him hate me so much?

"I'm sorry, dear, but all the other science classes are completely full," she said in a motherly tone. Just then, the door opened and a breeze blew in, swirling my bangs around my face. A girl had come in and gone to the back, into another room.

Edward turned to glare at me, he looked like he was having an internal discussion with himself. He was about to say something to me, but winced and then turned back to the receptionist, saying, "I guess you can't do anything for me. Thank you. Bye." He rushed out of the door. _What in the blue hell did I do?_

Just then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I shuddered. "Don't touch me," I shouted, as I shoved the hand away and turned around.

Jessica looked a bit taken aback by my outburst. "I'm sorry, Bella," she said in a small voice.

"Umm…its, uh, okay," I struggled to find words. "I, uh, have to…go." I handed Ms. Cope the slip and nearly ran out of there and over to my truck, tears filled my eyes. _Great. Now they probably think I have anger management problems._

As I drove out of the parking lot, the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I couldn't be touched without freaking out. _Will that ever change? God, I'm such a freak_. I continued to sob the whole ride home.

**(A/N) So, did you guys like it? I wanted to do something different than the first sighting in the lunchroom and Edward just leaving at the end of the class.  
Also, about the guitar and skateboarding, I like the idea of her actually being able to do something aside from falling and I wanted to make her MDD a little more real. The research that I did, showed that one of the symptoms is the loss of interest in doing the things that give you pleasure. So, now, she can't bring herself to play the guitar or skateboard.  
Please, please, review! I want to know what your thoughts are!  
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	4. 4: Attack

**Thanks to all who reviewed! And thanks to wingedspirit for pointing out my mistake. You guys rock!**

**This chapter is named after Attack by 30 seconds To Mars. I wanted to show you Edward's point of view of Bella's first day in Forks Highschool. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. It all belongs to the GENIUS Stephenie Meyer. I am just playing with the characters. I also do not own appple ipod or Prozac.**

**So on to Chapter four. Enjoy! **

Chapter 4: Attack

Edward's POV

The whole school had been buzzing with gossip for the past week about the arrival of chief Swan's daughter, Isabella Swan. I didn't see why a single girl would have such an impact on the whole student body, but there were questions on everybody's mind. Most of the students' thoughts were like this: _'why did she just decide to come back?' 'I wonder if she will be hot.' 'Maybe, if she is good-looking, I will be able to take her out.' 'I wonder if we will become friends.'_

It was quite annoying. But I could only imagine what there thoughts would be like today. It would be Ms. Swan's first day in Forks Highschool and I am sure that the thoughts of the whole student body will not be calm, or well, as calm as you could really get when hormonal teenagers are involved.

I was waiting in the car with Emmet and Jasper for my sisters, who always took forever to get ready. You'd think only human girls did that. Finally, they slid into the car and we sped off towards the school.

Throughout the morning, I heard everyone's thoughts even louder and clearer than usual. As if they were shouting them at me. _'Oh. My. God! She is super hot!'_ Eric's thoughts blared in my mind. _'She had to have had some work done. She is way too skinny and what is up with the emo look?'_ Lauren is most definitely one of the most envious and cruel girls in the school. _'Wow, Bella is really pretty.'_ Jessica seemed to have Isabella with her for a few classes, babbling on and on about herself. _That poor girl must be about ready to pull her hair out_, I thought.

When it came time for lunch, I decided to go to my car for the period. I had had enough of those thoughts and just needed to get away for a little while. Alice and Jasper accompanied me. Seeing as Jasper was the newest to our life style, he wanted to get away from the scent of the humans for a while. We stood outside for most of the period, talking and laughing about the absurdities going through the students' minds.

About midway through the period, I heard the most amazing sound that I had heard in all of my existence. It sounded like an angel, singing. Jasper and Alice turned towards the direction of the singing, but I couldn't seem to move. I was in a state of complete awe. That heavenly voice seemed to hold me in place. I forgot about all the thoughts in my head. Then it stopped, abruptly.

I turned to the direction that my siblings had turned to and saw the most angelic face that I had ever seen. She was completely divine. She had pale skin, for a human and dark chocolate, eyes that were practically hidden by the bangs of lovely dark brown hair that swept diagonally across her face. She was blushing a pleasant crimson color and I realized that she had stopped singing because she had caught Jasper and Alice staring at her.

I tried to reach out to her mind, but came up with nothing. Just blank space. I concentrated a little harder, but, still there was nothing. I became frustrated. She turned away and started humming, quietly. Probably thinking that we wouldn't be able to hear her.

"So that was Isabella Swan," Alice mused. "She has a lovely voice."

"Lovely doesn't even begin to describe her voice," I started, before I could realize what I was saying. "It is exquisite." Not even exquisite._ It is indescribable. _

Alice cocked her head and arched her eyebrow. Wondering what had just come over me. I wondered the same thing.

"So, what does she think of us?" Jasper asked. "I sensed your frustration, so I'm guessing it isn't pleasant."

"I couldn't hear her at all," I explained. "I tried to reach out for her mind, but came up blank. There's nothing there where her mind should be."

_'That's odd.'_ Alice thought. "We need to tell Carlisle when we arrive at home."

I agreed with her and we went off in different directions when it was time for class. I had biology. It was always such a bore. I'd been through that class so many times that I would be able to teach it twenty times better than Mr. Banner. I took my seat and my mind began to wander back to Isabella- or Bella as she seems to prefer- and what her voice had done to me.

I smelled her before I saw her enter the class. Bella had the most intoxicating fragrance coming off of her. It was floral. _Like freesia. Absolutely mouthwatering_. My mouth filled with venom as she started towards the only empty seat in class. The one next to mine. She tripped and the class began to giggle, Lauren louder than the rest, making her face flush and my jaw clench.

When she had taken her seat, I moved to the corner of the desk. As far away from her as I possibly could, in the little space that the desk provided. She blushed even more and I took hold of the edge of the desk. This period was sure to be hell. I wanted nothing more than to attack her right then and there.

Her scent seemed to get stronger whenever she moved her arms, which struck me as odd because usually, the scent coming off of a human is strongest at their throat. Since that is where the jugular veins are.

She kept her head down and let her bangs cover her glorious face that I could not seem to stop staring at. I searched for her mind again and still came up blank. I was completely irate. I could quite possibly destroy all that my family has worked for all because of this girl.

She turned to meet my gaze. Though her expression was indifferent, her sad eyes told another story. They held such depth. I though I'd get lost in them. She turned away from me and I'm sure I must have looked like a lunatic to her.

Bella began to twirl her pencil between her fingers, absently. With every flick of her wrist, her scent just got even more irresistible. _What the hell is happening?_

My mind started going through different scenarios of how I could take her sweet, delectable blood and quench my thirst. I could simply ask her to join me after school and she would come willingly. I could do it in the class, but that would leave too much evidence.

_I can't do that to Carlisle or the rest of my family_, I tried to convince myself. It began to work a little and I was able to take control of my mind before it was completely lost to my vampiric instincts. I would just have to get through this seemingly endless hour and it would be over. I'd be away from this girl.

I clutched my head in my hands. I couldn't wait for the class to end. She just kept twirling that damned pen, her wrist sending that wonderful scent out to me in waves. I had to get out of there. Fast.

"Mr. Banner, may I be excused? I am not feeling well," I managed to say.

"Yes, go." and I rushed out of that class- a little too fast- and over to my car to wait for my next class. _Why does she have to smell so appallingly delicious?_ was all that I kept thinking.

I tried to pay attention in class, but it was a wasted effort. I knew that I had to do something to stay away from the girl. So when the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, I headed towards the main office. I was going to change my biology class to a different hour. If I stayed in that class, there would be consequences of immense proportions.

"What can I do for you, dear?" asked the receptionist when I walked up to her desk.

"Is there anything that you could do to change my biology class?" I asked persuasively.

"I'm sorry, dear, but all the other science classes are completely full," she said, to my extreme disappointment. Then, a breeze blew through the open door. I caught a whiff of her delicious fragrance and turned around to glare at her. It would be far too easy to just lead her away from this room. I could effortlessly take what I wanted. I contemplated my options for a quick second.

I was about to say the words to make her follow me, when Alice's thoughts rang in my mind. _'Edward, don't you dare do it. Come to the car now.'_ I winced at the vision that I had seen in her mind; Bella laying pale and lifeless on the forest floor with me standing before her, my lips covered in her precious blood.

"I guess you can't do anything for me. Thank you. Bye." I muttered, and rushed out of there, past Jessica Stanley, before I did anything that would compromise my family and myself. I walked- a little too fast- to my car and got in the front seat while my siblings stared at me like I'd gone completely mad.

"What's wrong with him?" I heard Rosalie ask. I gave Alice a warning look as if to say 'don't you dare tell her.' She nodded at me and said nothing to Rose.

As I pulled out of the parking spot, I saw Bella nearly running towards her truck. Her face was twisted with torment and her eyes were glistening with tears that were being held back. No one else seemed to notice or ask her what was wrong. I felt bad for her but I didn't know why. It seemed wrong for her sweet face to be so sad.

I shook the feeling away and sped off, away from school. That was when I made my decision. I would leave for Denali this afternoon. I couldn't stay in Forks and risk everything that my family had worked for. All because of some insignificant human girl? Right. I didn't think so.

"No," I heard Alice whisper. _'You don't have to leave, Edward.' _

"Yes, I do," I whispered back.

"You do, what?" Rosalie asked.

I looked over to Alice for another warning glance, but this time, she ignored me. "Edward is leaving us."

"What? Why?" Emmet asked.

"Because of the new girl, Isabella Swan."

"What about her?" Jasper could feel my anger and sent out a wave of tranquility. _'What's going on, Ed?'_

"What is it?" Rosalie demanded.

"Her blood entices him," Alice replied. "He wanted to drain the girl right there in school."

My siblings stared at me in shock. They were surprised because I usually had such self-control. It only made me feel worse. _Weak._ I was fleeing from a _human_?

_'This is going to crush Esme.'_ Alice's thoughts rang through my mind.

_Damn it. Esme. How am I going to tell her?_ I pulled up to the house and walked in the front door. "Esme," I called out.

She came downstairs in a flash, "What is it, Edward?"

"I need to speak with you," I couldn't keep the guilt from coming out while I spoke.

_'What's wrong?'_ she thought.

"Esme, I have to leave," I said quietly, ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to stay. I quickly explained my situation to her. Her expression was heartbreaking and I felt horrible. She agreed to let me go.

"I love you, Edward." she started. "Remember that we are your family and you can come back anytime you want. We will help you through this."

"Thanks, Esme. I love you too," I replied. She came over to hug me and kissed my forehead.

I packed only the essentials and was off in my Vanquish, speeding towards the hospital to tell Carlisle. When I arrived, I walked straight past the receptionist, towards his office.  
When he saw me, he put his pencil down, and looked away from his paperwork. _'Esme called me. She said you were leaving. Told me to try to convince you to stay. But I won't do that. If you find it necessary to leave, then I will not stop you.' _

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said, turning to leave but he spoke again, so I stopped.

"Esme said something about a human girl…" he trailed off, implying that I should explain.

"Her blood…her scent is intoxicating -immensely so…I thought I would kill her right there in the class, I couldn't even stay in class for the whole hour. Her mind was blocked from me. I have never encountered anyone like her," I explained.

Carlisle seemed lost in thought for a moment. "That is very interesting… I think she may be your singer."

_My singer..._

We said goodbye and then I began my drive to Denali.

**(a/n) I hope you all liked it! Please, please review! I love hearing what you think! This chapter showed how Edward reacted to her cuts. He doesn't know that she cuts herself, though.  
**

**P.S- Ruth will be in the next chapter.**


	5. 5: Anxiety

**Thank you soo mucho to all of my reviewers! You guys are totally awesome!**

**This chapter was named after Anxiety by The Black Eyed Peas.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. It all belongs to the GENIUS Stephenie Meyer! I also do not own apple ipod or Prozac.**

**So sorry for the short chapter. Now, on to Chapter five. Enjoy! **

Chapter 5: Anxiety  


Bella's POV

When I pulled up to the driveway, I saw my reflection in the rearview mirror. _Ugh._ My face was red and my eyes were puffy from crying. It was a good thing that my bangs covered half of my face. I wiped away the excess tears and cleared my throat. Ruth would probably be home by now and I didn't want her to see me in this state and risk her telling Charlie.

I got out of my truck and walked up to the house. The door opened before I reached for the key.

"Hello, Isabella," Ruth said disappointedly as she looked me up and down. She refused to call me Bella when I first met her.

"Hi, Ruth," she walked inside and I followed her in. I took off my jacket and hung it on the rack.

"How was your first day of school?" She asked, indifferently, heading towards the kitchen.

"Fine," I replied, in the same tone. I stared at her, trying to figure out what Charlie saw in her. She wasn't very good looking, too tall. She looked kind of strong and seemed to have an attitude.

"How's your _mother_," I didn't miss how she seemed to spit out the last word.

"She's fine," my voice was icy, as I stared into her dull brown eyes.

Ruth turned to glare at me when she heard the tone I had taken with her. I glared back. Yes, my mother was painfully oblivious, and yes, I was angry at her for all that had happened to me, but Ruth had no right to refer to Renee as if she were some sort of disease, when they had never even met.

She looked angry and seemed as if she was about to yell at me, when the front door opened and Charlie walked in.

"Hi, Bells," he said cheerfully. "I came home early to see how your first day went."

"It was fine, dad," I didn't take my eyes off of Ruth who had straightened her face up and plastered a pleasant smile on to it, looking at Charlie.

"Hi, honey," he walked into the kitchen to give her a kiss. I guessed she only used the attitude with me. _Great, just what I need_. When she looked back at me, I rolled my eyes at her. Then, I headed up the stairs to do my homework. I had only missed about two and a half weeks of school, so I wasn't too far behind.

I unpacked my books and put them on the desk. Then, I sat down and put my headphones on. Listening to music always helped me concentrate. I had to do a few questions for English, government, and biology, and a worksheet for trigonometry, which was my least favorite class aside from gym, of course.

I spent a good hour and a half on my homework. After I had packed up my books, I decided to call Renee.

"Hello?" she answered after the second ring.

"Hi, mom," I said.

"Hi, Bella. How was your first day?"

"It was great, mom," I lied.

"Did you make any new friends?" she sounded hopeful.

"Yeah, I did. Everyone was really nice," I couldn't tell her the truth. That my day had been horrible, I didn't want to go back, a boy whom I had never met before, hated me and I had freaked out when a girl touched me.

"Well, that's great, honey," Renee's voice rang out through the phone after a moment, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Oh, and Phil says 'hi'."

I shuddered at the mention of _his_ name. "Umm, mom, I-I have to go."

"Okay, honey. I love you," she said, quickly.

"Me too," I muttered and hung up.

I was called downstairs by Charlie, to eat dinner. Ruth had cooked spaghetti. It was completely tasteless, though she and Charlie seemed to be enjoying it. I ate about half of it and excused myself after a few minutes.

I decided to take a shower. I turned on the hot water all the way and just barely turned the knob for cold water. I stood under the shower head, letting the water cascade down my skin, stinging when it touched all of my bruises and cuts.

I lowered myself to the floor of the tub and sat there under the water, my arms wrapped around my knees and my face pressed against them. My thoughts drifted to the conversation with Renee and I began to sob. _How dare he send me his regards? He knows damn well that I left because of him. Why does he succeed in tormenting me even with all the distance that I put between us?_

I felt horribly guilty all of a sudden. What if he decided to do something to Renee? _He wouldn't…would he?_ I doubted it. He had been married to her for all these years and had never laid a hand on her in a malevolent way. It was _me_ that he enjoyed to torture.

I shuddered, trying to suppress the memory that I felt coming on…

**READ THE FOLLOWING!!!!**

**So, sorry again, for the short chapter and for leaving you hanging. The next chapter will be a flashback of Phil. I wanted to make the memory its own chapter. I already have it written, I just have to tweak it a little.**

**Umm...I really like what I have of the flashback, but if I post it as it is, I will have to change my rating to M, since it is graphic. But, if I take out the 'graphic' parts, I don't think it wold be very good. It wouldn't be very descriptive. So, if I do change it- which I probably will- I REALLY hope that you guys will keep reading.**

**Please, Please, Pretty Please, Review! I love hearing all of your thoughts! **


	6. 6: Ugly

**So, I am so extremely sorry for not updating sooner. I couldn't update on New Year's Eve 'cause I had a family party and yesterday was my last day of vacation. I had neglected my homework during the whole vacation, and well, I had to do it all yesterday. Most of my reviewers said they would keep reading if I changed my rating, so I went with the majority. I'm really sorry to those of you who are unhappy with my decision. Thanks to all who reviewed! You guys are awesome! **

**This is the chapter that Bella has a flashback of Phil. I really, really, really hope you like it. I'm not sure if it is any good. This all just poured out of my mind.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight (sniffles), apple ipod, or Prozac.**

**This chapter is named after Ugly by The Exies. I thought the song was SO perfect! And if you get a chance, you should really listen to it, or at least look at the lyrics. Enjoy!**

Chapter 6: Ugly  


Bella's POV  
_**Flashback**_  
_I was only fourteen years old, in my freshman year of Highschool. I had just come home from school and was strumming some notes on the guitar that Renee had given me for skipping the sixth grade.  
_

_Renee wasn't home yet. She was working in an elementary school and though her kindergarteners got out early, she had to stay a bit later. I heard Phil come in the house.  
_

_After about half an hour, he came into my room, tripping over my rug. He fell flat on his face.  
_

_"Phil! Are you okay?" I put my guitar down, went over and knelt beside him. My nose wrinkled as I smelt the liquor on him.  
_

_He turned over and lay on his back, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist. I tried to wiggle out, but his strength greatly surpassed mine. He pulled me down to him and turned so that I was under him.  
_

_The look in his eyes held hunger and desire. I was terrified. He took my face in his hands and started kissing me. I tried to push him off, but failed. I couldn't breathe. After what seemed like a lifetime, he finally pulled away, I was gasping for air. His hands started to roam over my body and I quivered in fear.  
_

_I knew what was going to happen…  
_

_He nearly ripped off my shirt, trying to remove it. I began to cry. He removed my bra and pulled off my pants. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't find my voice. My mind was shouting _'No! No, no, no…please don't!'_ but it was as if someone had pressed a mute button on me.  
_

_He tore off my underwear and pulled his jeans and boxers down. 'Oh. God. No!' I willed myself to scream, but still nothing. I tried desperately to push him off. I kicked and kicked in a futile attempt to make him stop. He just kept going. The more I kicked, the rougher he became.  
_

_He started kissing me again. His hands had a tight grasp on my waist. When I succeeded in turning my face away, he quickly pulled it back towards him, taking my chin, roughly, in his big hand. Phil had had enough of my struggling. His eyes were angry as he slapped me. The tears were rolling down my cheeks in a steady stream.  
_

_Phil took my small wrists in one of his big hands and grabbed my waist with the other. Then, he lowered himself in to me and began to thrust inside of me. The pain was surreal. I felt my sensitive skin begin to tear. I was in pure agony. I had to do something. I had to try.  
_

_I started trying to wriggle away from him, but he wasn't having it. He punched my gut, knocking the air out of me. He was still thrusting inside of me, now harder and faster than before. _'It hurts so bad'_, I remember thinking.  
_

_I prayed that Renee would come home. That someone, anyone would burst through the door, soon. I tried again, fruitlessly to scream. Maybe someone would hear me. But, I still could not find my voice. I came to the realization that, no one would help me. It was hopeless.  
_

_It was a living nightmare. I wanted, so badly, to wake up. To find that it had all just been a sick dream. That my imagination was just playing some cruel practical joke on me. I wished with all my might, that at any moment, I would wake to find that my body was not being desecrated by the man that had been like a second father to me. By the man that had been married to my mother since I was five. That I would wake and find that everything was alright.  
_

_But it didn't happen that way. The pain just kept coming in waves. Each stronger than the last. It was unbearable. He had a tight grip on my wrists and waist that would surely leave bruises.  
_

_Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he came, with one last thrust. He pulled out and stood up, pulling his boxers and jeans back up.  
_

_I curled up into a ball, sobbing soundlessly. Not one single sound had escaped from me. He looked down on me and flashed a sinister smile. "This will be our little secret, darling. You can't tell anyone."  
_

_I looked away from him.  
_

_"Bella, did you hear me?" he demanded. When I did not respond, he kicked me in the back, "Listen, you little bitch. If you tell anyone, I swear I'll kill you," his voice was menacing. I nodded. Then, he chuckled, turned and walked out of my room, slamming the door.  
_

_I was left, curled up, naked, crying, bruised and bleeding. In more pain than I would have ever thought possible._  
_**End of flashback**_

The water started getting cold and I had laid down on my side, clutching my body in an attempt to hold myself together. I was convulsing, violently, my sobs lost in the sound of the water flowing from the shower.

I knew it was stupid to think this, but I couldn't help it. _That was not how I had wanted my first kiss to happen, let alone my first time. _

I forced myself to get out of the shower. As I toweled off, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, and looked away quickly, repulsed. I couldn't bare to face myself. No matter how many showers I took, I would never be able to wash off the filthiness that I felt on my skin. No matter how hard I scrubbed, it would always be a part of me. _Hideous… _

I dressed quickly and rushed to my room, grabbing my blade on my way in. I collapsed on the bed, sobbing again. It seemed that this was all I did, now. I removed both of my wristbands and this time, a little deeper, cut into both wrists, feeling the painful pleasure.

I sat up and leaned against the headrest. I reached over to the night stand and grabbed the bottle of Prozac. I swallowed one and put the bottle back.

I sat like that for the rest of the night. Sleep evaded me.

_Insomnia. Another side effect..._

**(a/n) So, that is it. I know, it is a very short chapter and I am soo sorry about that. And sorry if it was completely horrible. I have never written anything like this before. Oh yeah, in this story, Renee and Phil had been married since Bella was five years old.  
**

**Please, Please, Please, Review! I would really love to know what you thought about this chapter. But please don't be too harsh on me. This _was_ a first. Did anyone listen to the song or read the lyrics? If so, what'd you think? **


	7. 7: By Myself

**I am truly sorry for taking so long to update. But, I am using my sleeping time to update. Who needs sleep anyways? Okay, so I _am_ very tired right now and I will probably be half asleep in school. So please excuse any mistakes that I may have made. Thanks sooo mucho to all of my reviewers!!!! You guys are AWESOME! **

**This chapter is named after By Myself by Linkin Park**

**Disclaimer: It pains me to say it, but, I do not own the Twilight series (tears), Stephenie Meyer does. I also do not own apple ipod or prozac.**

**So, on to Chapter 7. Enjoy! **

Chapter 7: By Myself  


Bella's POV  
I had wept most of the night. Unable to get a wink of sleep, I resorted to listening to music. So, when my alarm clock went off. I was leaning against the headrest, staring at the wall. The alarm barely audible through the music emanating from my headphones.

I got up, and went to the bathroom. I rinsed off my wrists, the hot water from the sink, stinging where the blade had bitten into my skin. When I was done, I put my wrist bands back on.

I went back to my room and dressed in an almost zombie-like state. I wore gray skinny jeans with a chain clinging to my studded belt, a burgundy blouse with a gray hoodie and polka-dot vans.

I wore heavy eyeliner to hide the fact that I had dark circles under my eyes from my sleepless night and endless sobbing.

It was Friday. Today would be my first session with the new psychiatrist. Charlie had set everything up, already. His name was Dr. Andrews. I was supposed to head over to the hospital, right after school.

I ate a granola bar and took my Prozac with a glass of orange juice. Then, grabbed my bag and jacket and left early for school. I wanted to avoid another confrontation with Ruth.

It was drizzling when I arrived at school, and as I stepped out of my truck, I felt queasy. _Side-effect number three…nausea_. I regretted eating that granola bar.

My morning was much the same as yesterday. I went through it in the same zombie-like state that had taken over me at home. I barely noticed the kids staring at me. I barely noticed the weird looks that I was receiving from Jessica.

When lunch came around, I had planned to get lemon juice and drink it in my truck. But, as I walked to the cafeteria, I felt a wave of nausea that I could not control. I ran to the bathroom and into one of the stalls. Not noticing whether or not I was alone.

I retched for a few minutes. Until there was nothing left in my stomach to throw up.

When I came out of the stall, I walked over to the sink to rinse out my mouth.

"Need a breath mint, Bella?" I jumped, startled at the sound of the artificially polite voice coming from behind me.

I turned to see the blonde girl from my biology class. "No, thanks," my voice was indifferent and my expression, I'm sure, was the same.

"I'm Lauren, by the way," she smirked and shook her head at me. When it was clear that I would not say anything, she turned and headed towards the door, but stopped and reached into her bag for something. She turned to face me and held out a pack of breath mints to me, saying "I'm sure, you'll need these."

I rolled my eyes at her, then walked out of the bathroom, and left her, still holding the mints. _Bitch... This is just great. First I have anger problems and now I'm bulimic_.

It wasn't that I cared what the kids here thought about me. I could give a rat's ass what a bunch of bratty kids thought or said about me. I just didn't want Charlie catching wind of any rumors. If he thought that I was bulimic, I would surely have to go for more sessions with the psychiatrist.  
I spent the rest of the period in my truck, listening to music, tapping out beats from the songs with my fingers. The nausea had subsided, but now I had a headache.

When I walked into class, Edward was not there. I couldn't imagine what I had done that was so horrible to make him want to skip school. I figured I had just repulsed him or something, as I do to my own self.

During the period, I caught Lauren and the girl sitting next to her, staring at me a few times. Every time I looked up, they would just shake there heads in _disgust?_ and look away.  
As soon as the class ended, I saw Mike look at me. He was walking in my direction, but I rushed out of class before he could speak to me.

I had to change for gym today. _Oh, joy_. The teacher gave me a pair of gym sweats and a big tee-shirt. I was a bit apprehensive about changing. I still had bruises and scars all over my body from _him_, and I didn't want anyone to notice them. I changed as fast as possible, in the most hidden part of the locker room. If anyone asked about the bruises, I could just blame them on my clumsiness.

We were playing basketball and as should be expected, I was picked last. I tripped more times than I could count on my fingers and, when I finally made a basket, it was for the other team. I bowed my head in shame. I had never been good at sports.

As I changed back into my clothes, the thought of it being the weekend and that I was nowhere near _him_ made me feel slightly optimistic. But, that changed as I walked out of the locker room and saw that the rain had picked up.

I headed over to the hospital to meet my new psychiatrist. I walked up to the receptionist so that she could point me in the direction of his office.

"Head straight down the corridor, and turn right at the very end. It will be the first door on your right," she said in a polite tone.

I muttered a "thanks" and followed her directions. The hospital corridor was white. There were straight green lines on the linoleum floor that led in every direction that the corridor went.

I entered the office and closed the door behind me. I made my face expressionless. You could never be too emotional with psychiatrists. Every single facial expression means something to them.

I glanced at the blonde man that stood, staring out the window. He turned around and gave me a slight smile. The man was startlingly beautiful. He looked much to young to be a doctor, but his topaz eyes were so sagacious. They held such wisdom. His eyes reminded me of Edward's and the kids from the parking lot. _But, wait…weren't Edward's eyes black in class? _

"Isabella Swan?" his calm voice broke through my thoughts.

"Bella," I corrected. "Dr. Andrews?"

"Actually, Dr. Andrews had to go out of town for a family emergency and won't be back for a couple of weeks. I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Call me Carlisle. Major depressive disorder, correct?"

I nodded my head. _Cullen…so, I'm guessing they're related. _

He motioned for me to have a seat and as I did, he spoke, "Let's get started."

I looked around. The walls were a cream color and there were book shelves against two of them. The shelves were filled with books. His desk was neatly organized and sat in the middle of the room, in front of a medium sized window that overlooked the forest.

"Today, I would just like to get to know you. Starting with your age."

I looked back at him and in an emotionless tone, stated, "sixteen."

"What grade are you in?"

"I'm a junior," then, before he could ask, I said , "I skipped the sixth grade."

"So, you must be pretty smart," it sounded more like a question.

I wasn't offended by his quizzical tone. I mean, who would take one look at me and think,_ 'Yeah, the intelligence just flows off of her'_…no. I _was_ smart. Back when I cared about school and grades. Now, I only did the essentials, in order to pass. Tuning in from time to time, just to get the gist of what was going on in my classes. "Um…sure," I went with a lie.

He pursed his lips, considering my answer, then went on to the next question, "How are you liking Forks?"

"It's awesome," there was a hint of sarcasm in my tone that I had been unable to cover up.

He caught it and stared inquisitively at me for a few seconds, then asked, "Have you made any friends."

"Oh, yeah," I said, regaining my indifference.

"Tell me about them."  
_Crap_. "Well…there's Lauren, who is very helpful. Jessica, told me all about…the town. And Eric and Mike walked me to class."

"How is living with Charlie and Ruth going?"

"Great," the questions and lies just kept coming.

After a while, he asked, "Why did you decide to come live in Forks?"

"I wanted to get to know cha-my father," he nodded.

"How was your home life in Phoenix?" a simple question, but I shuddered.

"What is this, twenty questions?" I asked sarcastically, trying to elude any questions like that one.

Carlisle just chuckled and wrote something down. Then, he looked up at the clock on the wall. "Well, it seems our time is up. I want you to write about your MDD for next week. It can be an essay, poem, song, whatever you'd like."

I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes, as I got up. _Gee, more homework!_

"Bye, Bella," said Carlisle.

"Bye, Carlisle," I walked out the door.

I realized how extremely tired I was, on my drive home. I had to struggle to keep my eyes open, on the road.

When I arrived, again,. Ruth opened the door for me. "Isabella," her tone was condescending. "How'd it go with the shrink?"

"Fine," I stated, ignoring her smirk. I walked past her and went up to my room.

I contemplated calling Renee, but decided against it. I was far too weary and didn't want to repeat last night's incident. I lay in my bed and fell asleep in no time. I didn't even bother to take off my clothes.

* * *

On Saturday, I awoke to the rain pattering on the roof. I looked out the window. It was coming down pretty hard. I got up and took a quick shower. Then, dressed in black sweats and a plain white tee-shirt. It was clear that I would not be going out, that day. Not that I had anywhere to go. I doubted there was much to do in this town. 

It was only my third day in Forks and I was already sick of the place. I went downstairs to eat a bowl of cereal, making sure to steer clear of Ruth who was sitting in the living room, watching television. As soon as I was done, I went back to my room.

I had just sat down on my bed, when my cellphone rang. I grabbed it from the nightstand and looked at the caller id. It was Renee.

"Hello?" I spoke into the reciever.

"Bella?" she asked.

_Who the hell else would it be?_ "Hi, mom," my voice was quiet.

"Bella, why didn't you call me yesterday?" she demanded. I figured she would ask me this.

_Because I didn't freaking feel like it._ "I'm sorry, mom. It's just that, I was very tired when I got home, yesterday. I went straight to bed."

"Oh, okay, sweetheart. So, how'd it go with your new psychiatrist?" she inquired.

"It went well"

"What did you two talk about?" was she really so dense as to think that I would spill my guts to a man that I had just met? Okay, that was pretty mean, but get serious.

"He just asked a bunch of questions," I answered, hoping she would drop the subject.

"What kind of questions?" it was clear that she was not going to give up.

"He asked how I was liking Forks, if I had made friends, why I came to live here, stuff like that," I said in an annoyed tone.

"I still don't understand why you left, myself," she sounded hurt.

"I told you, mom, I want to get to know Charlie," yes, it is a poor excuse, but it was the only one that I could think of.

"Yes, but, why now?"

"It just seemed like a good time," I was starting to get frustrated. "Look, mom, I have to go…do some laundry."

"Okay. Bye, Bella," she spoke hurriedly.

I hung up without saying goodbye. I didn't want to start a fight with Renee. It seemed like I was just so good at starting problems with people, without even wanting to.

I didn't actually have many dirty clothes. I decided to put off doing the laundry until I had more.

I spent the rest of the day reading and listening to music. When Charlie came home, he called me downstairs to eat. That night's dinner was better than the one that ruth had cooked on Thursday. She made grilled cheese sandwiches.

"So, Bella, how are you enjoying Forks?" Charlie was trying to make small talk as we ate.

"It's great, dad. Everyone here is very…nice." I glanced over at Ruth, who gave me a dirty look, while Charlie wasn't paying attention.

"That's good, Bells." the conversation died down and I excused myself when I finished my sandwich.

I went back to my room and grabbed the bottle of Prozac from my nightstand. I had forgotten to take one when I woke up, so I took two.

After a few minutes, I felt the Prozac take effect, giving me a numb feeling. I didn't even have to try. I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep in no time.

* * *

The next morning, instead of rain, I awoke to yelling. I couldn't quite make out the voices, at first. But after a minute, I realized that it was Charlie and ruth. I couldn't understand what they were yelling about. I strained to hear, but they went quiet and then I heard the front door, slam. 

I got up and ran to my window, tripping over my feet, to see who had left. It was Charlie. He got into the cruiser and sped off.

I walked to my door, grabbing my bag of toiletries on the way and wondering what Charlie and Ruth had been arguing about. I didn't notice Ruth walking to the bathroom at the same time as me and I bumped into her.

"Sorry," I mumbled, a bit taken aback by the way she was glaring at me. It was not the same glare as before. This one held nothing but red rage. I started backing up.

"Sorry? Oh I'm sure you are." her voice was cold and sarcastic. "You must have heard the argument that I just had with your father."  
I nodded.

"We had never gotten into such a disagreement, before _you_ came. I didn't want you to come live with us, but Charlie had persuaded me. I know why, too. Its because he wants your _mother_ to think he is a good parent.

"I know that he still isn't completely over her. Even after all of these years. Sure, he might love me. But, I know that there is a part of him that still feels something for _her_. And, now you had to come here. You're a daily reminder of what he lost all those years back, Isabella. You look just like that mother of yours."

Ruth had started walking towards me. I kept backing away until my back touched the wall.

"Listen, ruth, I know that this fight must have been hard on you, and I am really sorry, but I don't think that you should blame it on me or my mother," it killed me to say it, but I really didn't want to argue. I just hoped that she would back off.

"I shouldn't blame it on _you_? You must be joking. The whole argument was about _you_. He wants me to get to know _you_. He wants me to talk to you and maybe try to find out why it is that you are practically insane. But I told him that it would probably be best to leave you alone. After that, everything spiraled out of control and he left. He has never done that before." she took hold of my shoulder and began shaking me. I shuddered. "So, I _do_ blame you."

"Don't fucking touch me," I snapped. I couldn't stand it. I shoved her away. She looked outraged.

Before I knew it, her right fist connected with my lower lip and the left with me ribcage. I let out a groan and fell to the floor, in pain. I tried to get up, and once I had succeeded,she sent her fist into my ribcage, once again. I doubled over, whimpering as hot tears made their way down my face. I looked up at Ruth and she just smirked, turned and went into the bathroom.

I stayed that way for about a minute, until I was able to move. I went to my room as quickly as I could, and locked the door behind me. Then, I took a deep breath, and fell to the floor. It hurt when I breathed too deeply. My lip was swelling, but I guessed it was a good thing that it didn't bleed.

_I think this kind of shit just looks for me..._

I was terrified to leave my room. Even to use the bathroom. I stayed inside my room, the whole day, until finally, Charlie came home. I figured Ruth would be too distracted with him and wouldn't pay attention to me, so I rushed to take a shower, being careful not to scrub too hard around my ribs.

I toweled off and glanced at my reflection, which was worse than usual. My lip was swollen and red and I knew that it wouldn't be back to normal by tomorrow. I didn't know what I would tell people when they asked, because there was no way in hell that anyone could miss it.

As I went back to my room, pondering what my excuse would be, something on the dresser caught my eye, and I got an idea. I just hoped that it would work. I walked to the dresser and grabbed the lip ring that I used as an earring. I studied it for a moment. The ring was a loop with a little ball at both ends.

I opened a drawer and rifled through it. My hand emerged with a needle and a lighter.

I used the lighter, to sterilize the needle and the ring. Then, brought the needle, with a trembling hand, up to the middle of my bottom lip. I took a deep breath, wincing as it hurt my ribs. _Oh man…_

I pushed the needle through my tender lip and pulled it out, quickly replacing it with the lip ring. "Oooh, fuck!" I tried to keep my voice low.

I went to the window and opened it, then stuck my head out for some cold air, hoping that it would cool off my lip. It worked for a little while, but then the wind began to irritate the piercing. I closed the window and walked back to my mirror.

My plan had worked. If anyone looked at me, they would think my lip was swollen because of the new piercing. This would be my explanation.

I turned off my light and went to lay down on my bed, thinking about my fight with Ruth and what I had just done. Clearly, I was insane, just like she said I was. Just like my family thought I was.

I reached for the pills on the nightstand, and this time, I took three. But, instead of the numbness coming right away, this time, it was something completely different.

It was an epiphany…

**(a/n) Any guesses as to what Bella has just realized? Please Review. I'd love to hear them. **

**So, I know that Carlisle is not a psychiatrist, but he has been around for soo long. Who knows how many branches of medicine he has had the chance to study. So, in my story, he was the only doctor in the hospital that was qualified to fill in for Dr. Andrews. He is still a regular doctor, though. **

**And, I know that the whole piercing her own lip thing was pretty crazy, but it is a believable excuse and she thought of it in a moment of desperation. **


	8. 8: Crawling

**I am soo sorry for taking so long to update. I know its been like 39 years. But, the first semester is coming to a close and I swear teachers must get some sort of sick joy out of watching us suffer during finals.****Ugh! And I have, somehow, managed to mess up my right wrist and it hurts. The bone is slightly more prominent than the one on my left wrist. Why could it not have been my left wrist? It's practically useless. **

**Anywho, this chapter is named after Crawling by Linkin Park.**

**Disclaimer: As much as it pains me to admit it, I own nothing! (Runs away sobbing) **

**P.S- A ginormous thank you to all of my reviewers. Our beloved Edward will be making his comeback in this chapter! Yaya! Bella is not going to try and kill herself. Don't worry. So, onto Chapter 8. Enjoy! **

Chapter 8: Crawling  


Bella's POV

There, in the dark of the night, I came to the realization that I was not crazy like everyone thought. No. Not completely sane, though, somewhere in-between. I was stuck somewhere in limbo. I did what every other ostensibly sane person would do, when placed in my position.

I endured the endless torture to escape the horrid threats. Ruth hadn't threatened me, though. She didn't have to. She had that same sinister look in her eyes that _he_ always got when he was through using me. The one that told me to keep my lips sealed. I knew, at that moment, that people couldn't be trusted anymore.

I brooded over my new insight. For the longest time I had thought that there was truly something wrong with my mind. But, I knew now that I was something far more complex than just crazy or sane. Something unique. I was broken. Fractured. Not whole. What was left of me were fragments, tiny clues of what I once was. Barely visible through the sheer hurt and shame that coursed through me. Maybe if you dug deep enough, you would be able to find the few pieces of me that remained. The ones that had yet to be marred. But I severely doubted anyone would even try. I was not worth it. And at the rate of my bad luck, I doubted there would even be any pieces left to find, soon.

Suddenly, my whole being ached to feel the sharp bite of the blade. It was shouting at me to quit stalling and let the beautiful pain free me. To open my skin and bleed out my sorrows. And so, I removed the band on my left wrist and reached for my blade, to give into my dreams of sharp edges. I etched the one word that could fully describe me, into my forearm…_DAMAGED_, because that's what I was. Completely incurable.

The engraving was pure bliss. I dove into the glorious world of sweet, crimson agony, as I etched each letter into my alabaster skin. _D-A-M-A-G-E-D_. Not very big, but decipherable. Deep, but not completely abysmal.

I was completely at peace when engulfed in the pain of my self-inflicted injuries. I forgot about the ache in my ribs. I forgot about the stinging in my lip. I forgot about the day's events. I forgot about my past, my present and thoughts of the future. I couldn't tell you where I was, what time, or even day it was. I think I may have even forgotten my own name.

I lay and watched as every letter secreted the wondrous, crimson liquid. It stopped, after a while- to my extreme displeasure. And so, for the rest of the night, I traced over each letter with my fingers, relishing in the stinging sensation that I got whenever I applied pressure to my wound.

My alarm rang, all too soon, snapping me out of the wonderful trance that had overcome me. I went to the bathroom and rinsed off my arm. A slight smile played on my lips- making them sting- as I viewed the artwork on my forearm. My lip was still swollen- just as I'd predicted- and the piercing was fulfilling its purpose. It would fool everyone.

I went back to my room, to dress- very slowly- in a pair of comfortable boyfriend jeans, a black Paul frank tee-shirt, and Vans. The pain in my ribs was getting stronger with my every move. I tried to ignore it, though it was damn near impossible.

I put my wrist band back on, though it wouldn't serve to hide my new incisions. Grabbing the Prozac, I twisted off the cap, took one out and swallowed it. Then, I grabbed a black hoodie, my bag and my jacket and trudged down the stairs as fast and yet carefully as I could. I wanted to get out of that house as soon as possible to avoid coming in contact with Ruth.

The pain in my upper body was becoming more and more intense as I drove to school. I parked in an empty spot and as I gathered my things, I noticed the silver Volvo that was parked next to my truck and a shiver ran up my spine as I remembered how Edward had glared at me.

I climbed out of my truck, slowly, and as I closed the door, I dropped my keys. I tried to bend over to pick them up, but had to straighten myself out, immediately, my hand flying up to clutch my torso.

The pain shot through me, spreading from my ribcage, to the rest of my body. I stopped breathing for a moment then, whimpered and stared at my keys on the floor, contemplating whether or not I should just leave them there. I couldn't very well ask someone to pick them up for me, for they'd ask why I can't just do it myself. But, maybe if I left them there, someone would find them and return them to me. My head began to pound and I wanted, so badly, to just skip school for the day. But, I couldn't. I had nowhere to go. I couldn't go home. Ruth would be there.

I decided to just leave my keys behind, and as I turned to walk away, I was met by a pair of warm honey colored eyes, belonging to the short pixie-like girl from the parking lot. She was smiling at me as she held out my keys. _How in the world did she get them so quickly?_ I thought as I retrieved my keys from her hand. The windows of the Volvo were tinted, and I hadn't noticed that there was anybody in there.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"You're welcome," her voice was high-pitched and enthusiastic. "You must be Isabella Swan. I am Alice Cullen."

"Bella," my voice dropped to a barely audible level as I saw her stick her small hand out for me to shake. I stared at it apprehensively for a few seconds and sucked in a deep breath- making me wince- before lifting my hand to meet hers. I counted the seconds in my pattern, in my mind, trying to focus on something other than her frigid marble-like hand, touching mine. It was easier not to overreact to a person's touch, if I saw it coming.

When she let go of my hand, I let out the breath. At that moment, three more kids came out of the Volvo- two of which, I did not recognize. Each was extraordinarily beautiful and pale, with the same topaz colored eyes.

There was a gorgeous girl with wavy, blonde hair. Her body, so perfect, could quite easily put any supermodel to shame. The boy- or shall I say man- that was standing next to her with his fingers interlocked with hers, was very large and muscular, with curly, black hair.  
Along with them, was the tall, blonde boy that I'd seen with Alice. His expression was pained as he began to walk around the car, towards us, but as he got closer, his expression became more agonized. When he reached us, he grabbed Alice's hand and doubled over, clutching his torso with his free one.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" asked a very panicked Alice.

He knelt on the floor, still clutching his body, looking as though he was trying to hold himself together. An act that I had done, countless amounts of times. He was looking up at me, mumbling, "Oh, God. The pain," and "Please, make it stop."

He couldn't possibly be speaking to me. How was I to make it stop? My head began pounding furiously, making me wince. Jasper groaned.

A breeze blew past me and that was when I noticed that Edward had gotten out of the car. His topaz eyes were fixed on me, studying my face. His fists were clenched, but his expression held concern and curiosity. He looked back and forth from me to Jasper. In fact, they were all looking back and forth from us, seeming to realize something.

I looked back to Jasper, who was still staring at me. Pleading. But, what was I supposed to do?

I began to back away, muttering, "I, uh, have to go to class." I rushed away from them and into my English class, quickly, clutching my body, just as Jasper had done.

I was the first one in class and was still thinking about what had just happened, when the bell rang. The students filed in and it seemed as though each of them paused to look at me- or more specifically, my lip. It was obvious that piercings like mine, were rare in this town. Even Mr.Mason had noticed and gave me a disapproving look, before he started the class.

I dismissed their stares and tried to focus on the lesson, but my mind kept drifting back to the Cullen family. I tried, fruitlessly, to figure out why Jasper had been pleading with me to make the pain stop, when I had done nothing to him.

As the bell rang, I couldn't move fast enough to avoid Eric and he walked over to me, smiling. "Hey, Bella," he spoke in a cheery voice.

"Eric," I said, acknowledging his presence as I began to walk out of the room, with him on my trail.

"I really like your new piercing, Bella," he complemented me, before unleashing the question. "So, I was wondering…would you like to go out with me, this weekend?"

"I'm really sorry, Eric…but, my schedule is pretty full for the next few weeks," I feigned politeness.

"Oh…well, let me know when you are free, alright?" he didn't get the hint.

"Right," I mumbled as I walked into trigonometry, hoping that he wouldn't get into the habit of walking me to class every day.

As I sat down, I felt everyone's eyes on me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jessica open her mouth to speak, but seemed to think better of it, and closed it. She must have been apprehensive to speak to me after my outburst last week.

The rest of the morning passed by pretty slowly, and the pain in my ribcage became more intense, spreading throughout my body. I couldn't have been more relieved when lunch came around, so that I could get away from all the stares.

I trudged over to my truck to wait out the period, listening to my music. I could already see my days in forks becoming a monotonous routine. The thought of nothing changing bothered me for a fleeting moment, but then I guessed it was better that way.

I had fallen asleep in my truck and awoke to the bell ringing. I grabbed my things as fast as I could, and made my way to biology.

I was late and walked straight to my seat, everyone's eyes fallowing me. Edward was already there, but I did not acknowledge his presence. I removed my notebook and pen from my bag and was aware of Edward clenching his fists or jaw whenever I moved.

I heard Lauren "whispering" to the girl beside her. "She's probably late because she was throwing up again." With that comment, everyone within earshot became silent and turned to look at me.

I wore an impassive expression on my face, staring at the board, knowing full well that Lauren just wanted to get a rise out of me. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Edward, examining my skinny figure.

I felt a blush rise in my cheeks at his scrutiny, then sucked in a breath- trying not to wince- to dispel the anger welling up inside of me.

I made myself numb, not paying attention to anything around me. I was only vaguely aware of how Edward had been the first one to fly out of class, or how mike was walking beside me, babbling on about who-knows-what. I left him outside of the locker room, mid-speech, and went in to get dressed.

Again, I headed to the most secluded part of the locker room and began to undress. I noticed the new contusions on my ribcage and felt disgusted. I hadn't thought about how I would hide my arm, and as I made my way out to the gym, I held it tight to my chest.  
For once, luck was with me. Coach Carlson was introducing a new sport. Football. We would just sit in the bleachers and she would explain the game. I only barely managed to stay awake during the hour. I changed back into my clothes and was off, headed towards the place that I was to call home for an indefinite amount of time.

I walked, right passed the living room, where Ruth was seated, and up the stairs to my room. I was extremely tired and wanted nothing more than to take a shower and climb into bed.

I grabbed my toiletries and made my way to the bathroom. I turned the knobs of the shower, making the water a nice hot temperature and got in. Goosebumps rose in my skin as the hot water made contact with it.

I didn't bother to do homework. I went straight to bed, letting unconsciousness overcome my senses. I plunged into deep, dark dreams, making me restless. Pain and anguish coursing through me with each toss and turn. I couldn't seem to wake up.

I was in a small, unfurnished room. The walls were painted a dull gray colour. I saw Ruth walking towards me from one side of the room, and Phil, from the other. I looked around, panicked, for an escape. There weren't any. No doors. No windows. I suddenly felt claustrophobic. I couldn't catch my breath as they sauntered towards me. Disturbing smiles plastered on both of their faces. I backed away until I hit the wall. Phil was first to reach me, seizing me by the throat. He let out a baleful chuckle as he continued to choke me. He slammed me against the wall…

I awoke from the nightmare, panting and covered in sweat. My hand had flown up to my throat, massaging it. The dream had felt so realistic.

I felt hot tears well up in my eyelids and pour over the edge as I willed myself to go back to sleep. It was only 2:30 am.

I forced my wide open eyes to close, but found that the images in my mind were far worse than the nightmare, itself. I had visions of what would have happened to me, had the dream continued. My eyes settled on the ceiling and I wanted nothing more than to become numb again and worked, to rid myself of all thoughts and emotions.

The next few days passed by monotonously. Everyday, I repeated the same routine. I'd get up, dress, go to school, go home, shower, and sleep. I barely ate, at a loss of appetite.

I got by in a lethargic trance. The only time that I'd snap out of it was when I had the nightmares. Every night, the same one and it always ended in Phil slamming me against the wall. I'd wake up gasping and sobbing, before returning to my trance. I'd be unable to fall into sleep, for fear of what would happen next in the dream.

I could feel everything growing more and more distant. I nearly stopped taking the Prozac. I only took it if I remembered to. I didn't speak to anyone- at school or at home. I had an innumerable amount of missed calls and voicemails on my cell phone from all of the times I had avoided Renee's calls. I could sense myself plunging deeper into depression, but I didn't care.

When I awoke from my nightmare, on Friday, I lay staring at the ceiling, as my breathing returned to normal. I waited and waited for lethargy to wash over me, but it never came. And with each passing moment, the pain that I had been suppressing, began to overcome me. I felt my heart wrenching. Caving in.

For the first time, I noticed that the stinging in my lip had stopped. But, the pain in my ribcage had only worsened- immensely so. I needed to see a doctor but didn't have a good enough excuse.

Sobs tore at my body, sending me into a fit of convulsions. I thought, for sure, that someone would hear me and barge into my room, but nobody did and after a seemingly endless amount of time, my alarm rang.

I dressed slowly, unwilling to face the day without my sweet apathy. My jeans were slightly baggy and torn at the knees. I wore a black, long-sleeved blouse with my converse.

When I was done, I trudged out of the house and over to my truck. I drove, slowly to school, totally dreading it.

I was more aware of everything. I noticed how people seemed to shy away from me. Not scared, but as if they just knew not to speak to me. I still got weird glances from some kids, but I didn't let that phase me.

When I arrived at my truck, during lunch, I was completely immersed in depression. I was in a daze, but not a good one as I opened my door and grabbed my ipod before putting my bag inside. I climbed inside, and began banging my forehead against the steering wheel, giving myself a headache.

By the time that I was done, it was already time for class. As I walked to Biology, I remembered the assignment that Carlisle had given me and silently cursed my memory. I took my seat by Edward, whom I noticed was staring at me. I turned to meet his gaze.

His expression was a mixture of confusion, sympathy and…_relief?_ as his eyes bore into mine. I tried to look away, but was unable. I could faintly hear Mr. Banner beginning the lesson. He was asking a question and a few seconds later, Edward turned to him.

"Excuse me?" the confusion was clear in his voice.

"What is it called when a nucleus is bombarded with high-energy particles that change it from one element into another?" he repeated, frustrated.

"Artificial transmutation," Edward replied. Mr. Banner moved on.

I looked down at my notebook and could feel Edward's eyes on me. I began to write the first thoughts that came to my mind, to give to Carlisle.

_Major Depressive Disorder  
Its when you feel the world crumbling beneath your feet,  
When you are so full of despair you can barely eat.  
When nothing feels right anymore,  
When you don't know who you are for sure.  
Its when your head is always spinning,  
When you see your bright thoughts dimming.  
When everyday is a bad day,  
When you just have to get away.  
Its when the shock of things is suddenly too much to grasp,  
Its when you feel your life slipping out of your clasp.  
Bella Swan_

He didn't tell me if he wanted it a certain length, so I wrote a short poem. As I re-read it, I felt a jolt of desperation shoot through me. I wanted, so badly, to be numb again. I felt as if I was on the verge of falling apart. The pain in my ribcage was spreading throughout my torso and I clutched it, trying hard to hold myself together.

I ran to the bathroom, leaving all my things behind and ignoring the teacher's protests. I tripped several times, on my way, and collapsed on the floor of one of the stalls, choking on sobs. A memory threatened to take over me and I fought desperately to push it down into the depths of my mind and lock it up. I felt nauseous and began to dry-heave, because there was nothing in my stomach to throw up. The heaves made my poor, bruised-up torso ache even more.

I would be so screwed if someone came into the bathroom and at that thought, I forced myself to get up. I pushed my bangs back and washed my face, all the while, detrimental images flickered in my mind.

I was so caught up in them, that when I walked out of the bathroom, I didn't notice the person leaning against the wall. So, I jumped as I heard my name being called out by a velvety, smooth voice. I turned around to see Edward holding my belongings.

"Mr. Banner asked me to come after you and bring you your things," he spoke, concernedly.

"Um, thanks," I mumbled. As I walked over to him- in a daze- to retrieve my belongings.

He handed me my sweater, first and I put it on, then my jacket but he kept my backpack and motioned for me to begin walking.

I began to walk over to the vending machines, clenching my fists and flinching as I saw Phil's face directing a smile towards my shuddering form, lying on my bed after he had finished damaging me for the umpteenth time. Then, the vision was gone and I shook my head, snapping out of my daze and looked up at Edward who was staring at me, curiously. I blinked a couple of times and shuddered.

"I realize that I haven't had the chance to introduce myself. I am Edward Cullen," he spoke, kindly.

"Bella Swan," I mumbled.

He chuckled softly, "I know. It's nice to meet you, Bella."

As we reached the vending machines, I extended my arm out towards Edward, for my book bag. He clenched his jaw and I could have sworn his eyes became slightly darker than that lovely topaz color. Instead of handing me my bag, he reached into his pocket and pulled out some money. He held out a dollar bill to me and I began to protest.

"It's okay, I have money in my bag," I motioned once more for my backpack and Edward slightly stiffened. He shook his head and pressed the dollar bill into my hand. Although our hands barely touched, it felt as if an electric current shot through my body, emanating from his frigid fingers. We both pulled away, quickly.

"Thanks," I muttered, eyeing him cautiously as I slid the dollar into the machine and pressed the button for water. I winced as I bent over to claim the bottle of water and stood back up. Then, before I could reach for it again, Edward picked it up and handed it over, being careful not to make any contact with my hand.

"Thanks," I said again, quietly as I twisted the cap off and took a swig. _Why is he being so nice to me all of a sudden?_

"You're welcome," his tone matched mine, as if he were afraid to speak above a whisper. He gave me a slight smile.

"What class do you have next?" he questioned.

"Gym," I replied. I shivered as I remembered how I had been tackled the day before. It hadn't troubled me at the time, seeing as how I had been in that wonderful trance, but it must have added to my pain. No one had noticed the word that was scarring my forearm yet, but now that I was fully aware, I didn't want to take any chances.

Edward began to walk toward the gym, even though we still had a good fifteen minutes left for class.

"I'm not going, today," I spoke, in a whisper.

"Why not?" he inquired.

"I don't feel like it," I answered, vaguely.

He raised a perfect eyebrow at me and started towards the parking lot. I followed along, quietly. As we reached my truck, I dug around my pocket for my keys. When I had fished them out, I opened my door and extended my arm towards him, once more, for my backpack. He stiffened again and handed it over. I put it in my truck and turned back to Edward.

"Are you okay to drive?" he asked. Concern filling his voice.

"Yeah, I'm good," I answered, raising an eyebrow at him. "Thanks for bringing me my things, and for the water."

"You're welcome, Bella. I'll see you next week," he spoke kindly.

"See you," I climbed into my truck and started up the engine. I backed out of the parking spot and drove off to the road, but pulled over right away as I realized that I had nowhere to go. I thought, for a moment, then decided to go straight to the hospital. I would wait in the parking lot.

**(A/N) Once again, I am truly sorry for taking so long to update. Please, Please Review! I really want to know what you guys think! And, it would be great if I could surpass 100 reviews (if you catch my drift). I have over 4,000 hits. That's awesome!**

**So, since I live in New York, the following week is regents week for highschool students. I am only going in two days to take Global and English regents. Wish me luck! And, since I am going to have the free time, I'll try to update sooner. I think the next chapter will be from Edward's POV.**

**By the way, Mr. Banner asked Edward a Chemistry question. I can't really remember anything from Biology. I hated that class! ****  
**


	9. 9: Handsome Awkward

**Hola guys! I am sorry for taking so long. It seems that this week was busier than I had anticipated. **

**This chapter is named after Handsome Awkward by The** **Used.**

**Disclaimer: Nada es mio! (Nothing is mine!)**

**P.S- A huge, beyond huge thanks to my reviewers! Thank you so much for your reviews! They make me all giddy! **  


Chapter 9: Handsome Awkward  


Edwards POV  
I was sitting in my Volvo, with the rest of my siblings, in the parking lot of the school. Eyes closed, head leaning against the headrest, trying to ready myself for the day that lay ahead. I had hunted the night before, drinking more than my fill of blood, but I was still uneasy about having to sit next to Bella for a full hour. _Just don't focus on her. Don't breathe in her deliciously mouthwatering fragrance_, I thought. Jasper, sensing my mood change, sent a wave of tranquility over me.

Alice, sighed. "Don't worry, Edward. I assure you, I haven't seen you hurting her. Everything will be fine," she, once again, let me into one of her visions, where I was sitting in class, observing Bella, but making no move to attack.

"The future isn't set in stone, Alice. I may not be planning on attacking her, now. But, what if her scent becomes too overwhelming? What if I make a snap decision that, even you, wouldn't be able to see until it was too late?" she just sighed again.

I was beginning to regret coming back from Denali. But, Alice had nagged me, over and over again, on the phone. She wouldn't stop calling. I had to turn the damned thing off. And when I did, she even went down their with Jasper and practically begged.

I couldn't very well say no to her. Knowing Alice, she would never quit. I yielded to her pleas and came home. A little relieved, actually, that I would not be staying with the Denali coven any longer. I had nothing against them. It was just that I was running out of ways to turn Tanya down, politely. She had made those three days, some of the longest in my entire existence. She, honestly, did not know how to take a hint.

And, aside from that, I couldn't seem to get Bella out of my thoughts. Her lovely face seemed to be etched into my mind, and, for some unfathomable reason, I wanted to get to know her. Strange as it sounds, a vampire wanting to get to know a frail human being. But, there was something about her. It was her eyes. Those enchanting, chocolate brown orbs. They told a story. One of sorrow. You could see it, if you looked deep enough. It was all there, beneath the impassive façade.

There were so many questions about her, swimming around in my mind. Why couldn't I hear her thoughts? Why was she so sad? Why did I even care?

The loud roar of an engine snapped me out of my reverie. I stared in apprehension as the old red truck was parked in the spot next to mine. I shook my head, placing it in my hands, against the steering wheel.

"Just stay inside until she leaves," Alice said. I nodded, and raised my head out of my hands.

We watched as Bella climbed-ever so slowly- out of her ancient truck. Her keys fell as she closed her door. She bent over to retrieve them, but shot back up, immediately. A pain-filled expression, coming across her lovely face. Her hand flew up to clutch her upper body. Bella let out a whimper, her breathing stopped short, as she stared at her keys on the ground.

I noticed that she had a ring on her lip. It shocked me. Even after all my years walking this earth, I still could not grasp why humans would, so willingly, put themselves through physical pain. Just to puncture a whole through their skin, which they would most likely end up removing, anyways. But, Bella had such nice, full lips. She shouldn't have covered them with a lip piercing. _Wait, what am I thinking?_ I shook my head to dissipate those thoughts and returned my attention to Bella.

She didn't seem to notice us, watching. It looked as though she was having an internal discussion with herself. She seemed to be contemplating something as she stared, intently, at her keys. I tried, again, to prod into her mind, failing miserably. _What is she thinking about? Why doesn't she just pick the keys up and leave?_

As Bella seemed to come to a conclusion, I saw an image of her, walking away from her keys. And, just as Alice had envisioned, a few seconds later, Bella turned away from them. Alice slid, quickly out of the car and picked up Bella's keys, rushing around, to face her.

Bella mumbled a "thanks" as she reclaimed her keys from Alice.

Alice's voice-as always- was highly animated as she spoke. "You're welcome. You must be Isabella Swan. I am Alice Cullen."

"Bella," her tone was barely audible as she stared down at Alice's hand like it belonged to an alien life form.

_'What's wrong with her?'_ Alice thought, as Bella continued to stare. She sucked in a breath and, finally shook her hand, letting it out as they let go.

My siblings decided to step out of the car, then, and I stayed inside, waiting for Bella to leave. She was studying my siblings, Jasper, most of all.

I felt a twinge of envy as she focused her attention on him, but then realized that there was something wrong with my brother. His thoughts were incoherent and agonized as I watched him double over and clutch his torso, in pain. Physical pain. It is practically impossible for a vampire to feel physical pain.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" Alice was panicking.

I stepped out of my car as Jasper fell to his knees, still holding himself, tightly. He gazed, pleadingly, at Bella. Begging her to make the pain go away. She just stood there, staring at him with a bewildered expression. She winced, in turn making Jasper groan.

_What the hell is happening?_ I thought as a breeze blew past me. I caught her appetizing scent and clenched my fists. She turned her eyes on me and then the rest of my siblings as we looked back and forth between her and Jasper.

_'Of course! It's her pain he's feeling,'_ we each thought, in unison, as we watched the excruciating torture that had overtaken our brother.

Bella began to back away from us. The confusion clear in her sweet voice as she mumbled, "I, uh, have to go to class." She hurried away, towards her first period class.

A few moments after she was gone, Jasper was stumbling to his feet. Alice embraced him in a tight hug, sighing in relief. "How do you feel, Jazz?"

He kissed her, lightly on the forehead. "That was, that's was…_excruciating_! How can one person feel so much…so much, God! It was a mixture of so many feelings! Depression, agony, self-loathing, emptiness, God, the pain! I've felt a human's pain before. But, never in my existence, have I come across someone in such a great amount of anguish. I thought, for sure, it would crush me.

"I tried, unsuccessfully, to calm her down, sending calming waves over to her, but it didn't work. Her torment was much too great and I could hardly concentrate. It felt as if I was falling apart. Like I had to hold myself together."

I stared at him, wide-eyed, utterly appalled. What could be causing her to feel all of what Jasper had described?

I couldn't stop thinking about Bella while I walked to class, and throughout the whole morning, as well. It seemed so wrong. _Like a crime_, for an angel to be under so much anguish. She hides it well, though and that is also completely wrong. She shouldn't have to keep everything inside.

Being new to the school must've been difficult on Bella, for people couldn't seem to stop talking about her. Her piercing seemed to have caused quite a commotion. Almost everyone's thoughts were on her and it bothered me for some unknown reason. The teachers disapproved, greatly. They thought that it would cause a new trend among the student body. I couldn't blame them. The majority of teenagers, often mimicked the actions of their peers.

The girls' thoughts towards Bella were bitter. Jasper made a comment about the jealousy coming off of them in waves. And, the boys' thoughts of Bella were lustful, that is putting it mildly. Eric Yorkie even asked her out. I felt that same twinge of envy as I heard their conversation, through his mind. I couldn't have been more content, when she turned him down. She could do so much better than him.

As I walked to the cafeteria, I found myself hoping to see Bella, there. I bought lunch and took a seat with my family, all the while, my eyes scanned the cafeteria for her.

"What're you looking for, Edward?" inquired Alice.

"Nothing," my hopes fell as I realized that Bella was not there.

Jasper raised an eyebrow at my change in mood and looked at me curiously. I just shrugged and poked at the food on my tray. His thoughts turned to Alice and, for the first time, being alone actually bothered me.

I'd never felt as if I needed a partner. No matter how many times Carlisle had spoken to me about trying to find a mate. No matter how many times Esme had worried about me being lonely. I had always felt whole. Complete within myself. I had never felt the need to share myself with another being. But now, as I gazed at my siblings, who stared so lovingly at one another, I felt a pang of solitude. For the first time, I wished that I was in their place. That I had someone to love. Someone who loved me, as well.

I tried to dismiss the feeling, but it was still there as I walked to Biology. Bella wasn't in class either. I took my seat, glumly, wondering if she had ditched class or transferred out.

But, a few minutes after the bell rang, I caught a whiff of her intoxicating fragrance and all was well again.

She sat down next to me, not acknowledging my presence, and began to remove her belongings from her schoolbag. With every move of her arms, I was hit with wave after wave of her wonderful scent. My fists clenched, along with my jaw and I wanted to immobilize her arms. She would be the death of me.

"She's probably late because she was throwing up again." the students fell silent as Lauren Mallory's malicious tone rang out through the classroom. Everyone turned to stare at Bella, but she seemed unaffected by the comment. Her face was expressionless as she stared straight ahead, at the board. This angered Lauren, for she had been planning to vex Bella.

I was surprised that Bella hadn't said anything. Most human girls would have started a conflict right in the middle of class. She just stared straight ahead, not even trying to cover up what Lauren had just said. She didn't seem to care if everyone knew her secret. Bella definitely, was not like most human girls.

I studied her tiny frame. Yes, she did look thin, despite her tee-shirt and baggy jeans. But, I couldn't bring myself to believe that she would starve herself or throw up, just to achieve perfection, when it was so clear that she couldn't possibly get anymore perfect.

She blushed a delicious crimson colour under my gaze and I had to refrain myself from leaning in to smell her a little more. She inhaled a deep breath and seemed to focus on something. After a few moments, her eyes became vacuous. Completely lacking emotion. I stared at her curiously for the rest of the hour, but she didn't seem to notice.

When the bell finally rang, I rushed out of the class, not wanting to be there when she began to move her arms again. My next class, Spanish, was incredibly dull. I was already fluent in the language and I couldn't seem to focus on the teacher's lesson. I sat, staring out the window, throughout the whole period. My thoughts- yet again- wandering back to Bella. Before I knew it, class was over and I was driving home with my siblings.

"What's up with Ed?" questioned Emmet.

"I don't know. His emotions are going haywire. One minute he's jealous. The next, he's sad. Then, content, then worried. I've never heard of a bipolar vampire before, but I am quite sure that he would fit under that category," replied Jasper.

"At least wait until I am out of earshot to talk about me. I can hear everything you're saying," I spoke, exasperatedly.

"Look. Now he's angry. Jasper, I think you might be right about him being bipolar. Maybe he should see a psychiatrist," Emmet joked as we climbed out of the Volvo.

I sighed in frustration as I entered the house. I went straight up to my room. Not wanting to be subjected to any more mockery. They were laughing downstairs. _'Aww, come on Ed. I was just joking,'_ Emmet thought.

I sighed again and sat down at my couch to do my assignments for school. Seeing as I'd already been through every course- quite a few times- I was finished in no less than fifteen minutes.

Walking over to my CD collection, I picked out Phobia by Breaking Benjamin and popped it into my sound system. I skipped to the third track, Breath, and went to lay down on my couch. The sound reverberated perfectly off of the golden fabric on my walls. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the music. That is as close as I would ever get to sleeping.

When I "woke up", a few hours later, it was already dark. Nighttime was always the most tedious part of the day for vampires. Or, at least for me. The rest of my family had retired to their own rooms to spend time with their partners. And, as always, I was alone. The odd man out. I sat, staring out the window, for the rest of the night.

When it was time for school, again, I dressed quickly. Eager to see Bella again. _Maybe I'll speak with her today_, I thought as I drove to school.

The morning went by incredibly sluggishly. It seems that when you're anticipating something, time slows on purpose, just to make you crazy. Again, Bella was not in the cafeteria. And, as the period dragged-out, I became more anxious. I could tell that it was irritating jasper because he sent wave after wave of serenity, over me.

_'What the hell is wrong with you? Your emotions are starting to get to me.'_ I ignored Jasper's thoughts and focused on getting through the hour.

When the bell rang, I rushed out of the cafeteria, not saying a word to my family. I was the first person in class and waited, impatiently, for Bella to arrive. She was late again. I was beginning to see a pattern and so was Mr. Banner. His thoughts towards Bella were beginning to get agitated.

Bella's eyes held that same vacancy as the day before. It was a bit unnerving, actually. To see someone look so completely empty. She was there but, at the same time, she wasn't.

And, it was like that for the next few days. It was as though she was trapped in some sort of trance. Her heart rate and breathing were normal. She just didn't appear to be registering anything that went on around her.

I was getting more and more concerned about her, as the days went by. Bella seemed to get even paler. She was becoming insalubriously skinny. Her tiny frame was shrinking into the clothes that she wore. Dark circles rimmed her chocolate brown eyes and it looked as though she didn't sleep, very well.

I had to refrain myself from waving a hand over her face to see if she would react. I wanted to shake her. Anything to get her to snap out of the stupor that she had fallen into.

I saw the first hint of emotion in her beautiful eyes, on Friday. She walked into class looking a bit agitated. There was a red spot on her forehead being hidden by her bangs. I was so relieved to see that she was, finally, out of that zombie-like state.

I was staring at her, as usual. But, this time, she actually noticed. She turned to meet my gaze and I became immobile. In an instant, I was lost in her eyes. As hard as I tried, I couldn't seem to look away. The world around me was lost.

I was brought back to reality by an indistinct voice, calling my name. I turned to look at Mr. Banner. "Excuse me?"

His tone was frustrated as he repeated the question that he had been asking me. I answered correctly, and he turned back to the rest of the class.

When I looked back at Bella, she was writing something in her notebook. It couldn't have been classwork because Mr. Banner hadn't written anything on the board. He was currently lecturing the class on artificial transmutation and it wasn't stimulating enough to take notes on.

Her arm was obscuring my view of her notebook and I couldn't read what she was scribbling on the it. When she was done, she reread her work and her expression became pained. Her hand went up to clutch her upper body and a few moments later, she ran out of the classroom, leaving behind all of her belongings.

"Ms. Swan! Where are you going? Ms. Swan!" Mr. Banner called after her.

"Bella wasn't feeling well, Mr. Banner. I think she went to the nurse's office," I tried to calm Mr. Banner's infuriated thoughts. "I could bring her all of her belongings, if you'd like."

"Oh. Yes, yes. Go ahead."

I began to gather Bella's things, but not before scanning her notebook to see what she had been writing. It was a poem. And, as I read it, I felt my heart break a little. It was unbelievably sorrowful. I was in shock as I continued to pack her bag.

I walked outside and followed her heady scent. As I neared the ladies room, I heard her heart-wrenching sobs and fought with myself to stay outside and wait. I wanted nothing more than to just hold her in my arms and wipe away her tears. I wanted to comfort her. To tell her that everything was okay, even if I didn't know what was wrong with her.

I thought back to her poem. It brought up so many questions, aside from the ones that still remained unanswered. _Why did she write it? Why did the headline say "Major Depressive Disorder"? Does she have this disorder? If so, what caused it? Is she doing anything about it? _

I was brought out of my thoughts as Bella emerged from the bathroom. She was so distracted, that she didn't even notice me, leaning against the wall, holding her belongings. "Bella!" I called out.

She jumped- startled- and turned around to face me. She had a dazed expression on her face. It reminded me of what Alice looked like when she was having a vision.

"Mr. Banner asked me to come after you and bring you your things," I said, worriedly.

"Umm, thanks," she mumbled as she walked over to me. Her eyes were red, from crying. I handed her the sweater, first, and waited for her to put it on, before giving her the jacket. I kept her backpack and motioned for her to begin walking.

I studied her, as we walked. There seemed to be some sort of conflict going on in her mind and I would've given anything to be able to read her thoughts, at that moment. Her fists were clenched, and I saw her cringe. _But, because of what?_ She was looking straight ahead, towards our destination, but her eyes weren't really focused. It was as if she was looking straight through the vending machines.

I stared at her, quietly, in concern. Not sure if I should speak, just yet. Finally, Bella's eyes came back into focus and she looked up at me, warily. She blinked a few times, trying to dispel whatever it was that seemed to be tormenting her. She shuddered and I couldn't watch her internal conflict anymore.

I decided to- finally- introduce myself to her. "I realize that I haven't had the chance to introduce myself. I am Edward Cullen."

"Bella Swan," it seemed as though she never spoke above a murmur.

"I know. Its nice to meet you, Bella," I chuckled, lightly.

Bella held her arm out to me when we arrived at the vending machines and I was hit with a wave of her amazing scent. My jaw clenched as I dug into my pocket and pulled out my money. I held out a dollar and put the rest back into my pocket.

"It's okay, I have money in my bag," she objected, motioning for her backpack.

I stiffened, but shook my head. She really needed to stop moving her arms so much. It was killing me. I placed the dollar bill into her hand. We both pulled away, immediately. A surge of electricity coursed through me from the brief contact with her skin. _Did she feel it too?_

"Thanks," she glanced at me, suspiciously. She slid the dollar bill into the machine and pressed a button for water. A few seconds later, the machine dropped the bottle into the receiver.

Bella bent over to pick it up but, stood back up, quickly- just as she had done with the keys- wincing, slightly. _What is causing her to keep doing that?_

I retrieved the water for her, before she could attempt it, again. As I handed it to her, I was careful not to make anymore contact with her skin.

"Thanks," she murmured, eyeing me cautiously as she took a drink of her water.

"You're welcome," I matched her fragile, glass-like tone and smiled at her. "What class do you have next?"

"Gym," I began walking towards the physical education building, but stopped, when she whispered, "I'm not going today."

"Why not?" I questioned.

"I don't feel like it," she replied, elusively.

I arched an eyebrow at her, but changed my direction and began walking towards the parking lot. When we reached her truck, Bella dug the keys out of her pocket and opened her door.

She motioned her arm towards me, once again, and I stiffened as her scent wafted over me. I handed her the bag and watched as she placed it in her truck and turned back to me.

"Are you okay to drive?" I was worried that she would have an accident. To be quite honest, I was amazed that she had managed to get to school throughout the week. She had been in such a daze that it could have been dangerous.

She raised an inquisitive eyebrow at me, before answering. "Yeah, I'm good. Thanks for bringing me my things, and for the water."

"You're welcome, Bella. I'll see you next week," dread crept upon me as I spoke the last sentence. _Next week?_ It felt like a lifetime away.

"See you," and with that, she climbed into her truck. I watched as she drove out of sight, wondering where she was headed.

I wanted to follow her, to make sure that she was fine, but I had to get back to class. There was only a few minutes left to the period when I arrived and Mr. Banner had already finished the lesson. I packed my notebook into my backpack and waited for the bell to ring.

Once it did, I rushed out of the class and over to my car. I was going to skip my last class. My thoughts were going berserk with what had happened with Bella and I wanted to get home to dig up some information about major depressive disorder, on the internet.

I searched for Alice's mind and waited for her to have a vision of me leaving the keys in my Volvo for them, and headed for the forest. When I was in the clear, I took off running towards my house.

Esme was outside in the yard, spreading fertilizer over the azaleas. "Hello, dear. You're home early."

"Yeah, I have to do some research that can't wait," I gave her a kiss on the forehead and sprinted up the steps and up to Carlisle's study to use his computer. I sat in front of it, gathering information about the disorder until the rest of my siblings arrived.

Then, I dashed up to my room and turned my radio on. I sat down on my couch, and with my head in my hands, I began to think.

From what I discovered, major depressive disorder, or clinical depression, is a common psychiatric disorder. It is characterized by a continuous declining mood and an inability to experience pleasure in activities that would normally be enjoyable. It has different causes; from genetics to traumatic experiences and can be treated by psychotherapy and antidepressants.

I decided to go to the hospital to speak with Carlisle. His shift wouldn't be over for a few hours and I couldn't wait so long to ask him all of the questions that were going through my mind.

I went downstairs and grabbed my keys off of the table in the living room. Muttering a "bye" to Emmet, who was watching reality TV, I walked out the front door and over to my Volvo. I climbed inside and turned it on, then sped down the driveway and onto the highway. In a few minutes, the hospital came into view. I parked in the lot and when I slid out of my car, I noticed an old, red, Chevy truck parked a few spaces down from me.

_Why would Bella be in the hospital? Did something happen to her? I should have followed her! Dammit!_ My thoughts were going wild with worriment. I needed to see her. To make sure that she was safe.

I darted inside and over to the receptionist's desk. She looked up at me _'Edward is so gorgeous! If only I was a bit younger…'_ "Hi, Edward. What can I do for you?"

I pushed her lust-filled thoughts out of my mind and spoke. "I was wondering if you knew where Isabella Swan is?"

"Oh," she said, disappointedly and began looking through some papers. After a minute, she spoke. "She's in your father's office. She should be out in a minute or two."

I thanked her and walked down the corridor towards Carlisle's office. _Why would she be with Carlisle?_ I was about to knock on the door, but it opened before my knuckles touched the glass. I was met by a feeble-looking Bella, on the other side of the door. She stared up at me with wide eyes and then looked away. She walked passed me, out to the hallway and rounded the corner. Leaving me staring after her.

I stepped under the doorframe and looked to Carlisle who was sitting behind his desk, a perplexed expression across his face. "Why was Bella here?"

"She has a severe case of major depressive disorder. I'm her psychiatrist," my heart sank as he spoke. I realized that I'd been clinging on to a last strand of hope. Just wishing that she didn't really have the disorder.

I sifted through Carlisle's thoughts, searching for his conversation with Bella. She never gave anything away. Her replies to his questions were so vague.

"Why are you here Edward?" inquired, Carlisle.

I shook my head. "I have to speak to you, but it can wait until you come home. I'll see you there," I stepped out from under the doorframe and closed the door.

I rushed out to the parking lot. Hoping that Bella was still there…

**(A/N) So...what'd you guys think? Is she going to be in the parking lot or did she already leave? Yes, Bella's session with Carlisle _will_ be in the next chapter.**

**So, you guys know what I am going to say right?...I'll say it anyways, Please, Please, Please Review! I love hearing your thoughts! **


	10. 10: Still Frame

**You guys must be about ready to murder me. I wouldn't be surprised if I walked out of my house and found an angry mob holding torches and pitch forks, just waiting to get there hands on me. lol. I am so, so SO, super duper SORRY, for making everyone wait so incredibly long, especially since I left you guys with a cliffy, last chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I most obviously don't own the genius workings of the Twilight series. Or I wouldn't be writing on fanfiction. It all belongs to the incredible Stephenie Meyer!**

**This chapter is named after Still Frame by Trapt. **

**PS- This chapter ends in a different POV. I don't think I'll be doing that very often, but I liked it better this way. So, on to chapter 10. Enjoy?  
**

Chapter 10: Still Frame

Bella's POV

I tore the page that held my poem, out of my note book, folded it and stuffed it into my pocket. I returned the notebook into my backpack.

Sighing, I cut the trucks engine and stepped out. The sky was a dreary mixture of blue-gray, and looking up at it, I could tell it was going to rain.

As I began to walk, my legs became weak and my head began to pound. I ignored the feeling and made my way to the hospital.

Inside, I trudged past the receptionist, towards Carlisle's office. Just before I turned the knob of his door, I did away with the grimace that had formed on my face, and plastered an indifferent expression onto it.

"Good afternoon, Bella," Carlisle was sitting in the swivel chair, behind his desk.

"Good afternoon, Carlisle."

"I trust you've completed your assignment?" he questioned.

I nodded my head and reached into my pocket, for the poem. I handed it to Carlisle and took a seat across from him.

I gauged his expression, as he read and re-read my poem. He did a good job of keeping his face calm, but I could have sworn that I saw a flicker of concern in his topaz orbs.

"How was your week, Bella?" he finally asked.

"It was fine, and yours?" I answered, nonchalantly.

"It was good, thank you for asking," I nodded my head. He looked over my face. "I see you've gotten your lip pierced." I only nodded again. "When?"

"Sunday," I answered, knowing full well, what he was doing. He was making small talk. Trying to convey a sense of companionship between us, so that when we began to talk about my _problems_, I would trust and confide in him.

My last psychiatrist often used this method, on me. It wasn't going to work.

"What did your parents think about it?" I shrugged. "Do they even know about the piercing?"

"I'm not sure," I mused. I hadn't seen any of Charlie or Ruth in the past week. I'd been avoiding them. I doubted if they knew. And, if they didn't know, then Renee- most definitely- didn't know, either.

"Bella," he started, giving up on the small talk. "Can you tell me why it is that you feel this way?" he motioned towards my poem.

I looked away from him, and after a few minutes, it was clear that I was not going to answer his question. "I have received a number of calls from your parents. They are really worried about you."

I smirked, before speaking in an acidic tone. "Really?"

"Yes. Your mother tells me that you haven't been answering any of her phone calls. She said that she bought you a cell phone, specifically for you to keep in touch with her," I remained silent. He sucked in a breath. "Your father has told me that he hasn't spoken to, or seen you in days. He says that you are always locked up in your room. Why are you avoiding your parents?"

"Bella, we need to communicate, on some level, if I am going to help you," he bartered with me, after a long moment of silence.

I focused my gaze on a paper clip that I had spotted on the floor and remained quiet for a few more seconds, before speaking in a hushed tone. "What makes you think I want any help?"

"If you don't want any help, than why are you here?" he inquired, calmly.

"To be frank, I am only here because of Renee. She's forcing me to come to these sessions. Ask her," I waved my hand, dismissively, looking up to him.

He raised his eyebrows, and after a moment, spoke. "And why do you think she wants you to be here?"

"'Cause of the MDD," I shrugged.

"Bella," he began. "she is concerned about you. She wants to know what is causing her daughter such grief. Could you at least try to cooperate with me, for her sake?" I looked away from him, again. "I am sure that- aside from Renee- your father and step parents must also be extremely worried about you."

A wicked smile spread across my face, before I could prevent it. And, I had to repress an acerbic laugh, with a cough. The coughing worsened the pain in my ribcage, and I tried to soothe it, by rubbing a hand over the tender skin.

Carlisle stared at me, curiously for a moment, before beginning, again, "Bella, have you been taking your medication?"

I chuckled, dryly. "That question, used in this situation, makes me sound like a loon."

"I can assure you that you aren't a "loon". The medication is just a treatment for your disorder. As are these sessions. It is crucial for you to take them everyday."

"I know," I smiled, grimly.

"So, have you been taking the Prozac, everyday?" he asked, again.

"No."

"May I ask you why not?"

"I forget," I answered, truthfully. I had been in such a wonderful state of impassiveness this past week, that thoughts practically evaded me. And, along with my thoughts, went remembrances such as; doing homework, eating or taking my daily dosage of Prozac.

"Bella, are you aware that your mother is debating whether or not to come to Forks to take you back to Phoenix?" asked Carlisle.

My head snapped up and my eyes darted in his direction, all traces of my acidic humor, vanished. I couldn't go back to Phoenix. _I wouldn't_. "No," I could barely form a coherent word, in my mouth. And, my voice was so low, that I wasn't sure if he had heard me.

"She doesn't think that living here is working out for you. She thinks that you're just distancing yourself from everyone else, when what you really need, is to be around your family. And, she thinks that you would progress better, if you returned to Phoenix, to live with her and Phil."

My body quaked, involuntarily, at the mention of _his_ name. I really needed to get out of there. _Fast!_ I couldn't take it. Just the mere thought of being near _him_ again was too much to bear.

I looked up at the clock and could not have been more relieved when I realized that our session was over. I rose out of my seat, dizzily, as soon as Carlisle acknowledged the time.

Though I had done a good job at keeping my expression as calm as possible, my insides were churning. My- already broken- heart was wrenching, caving in on me. I couldn't trust my voice not to falter if I uttered a single word. So, I made my way- silently- to the door.

I turned the knob, and was met by an anxious-looking Edward on the other side of the door. I stared up at him, wide-eyed, startled to see him there. I glanced away, and moved past him, through the door frame.

By the time I rounded the corner, my legs felt like Jell-O. My head was spinning. I had to keep a hand on the wall, for support. I walked outside and I felt the cold rain, pelting off my face and body. It felt oddly comforting, but not enough to bring an end to the carousel that my mind had entered.

As I reached my truck, I was out of breath. I pressed both of my hands on the wet, drivers-side door, leaning away from it with my head bowed downwards, between my arms.

I was trying to get my breathing back to normal. Hoping that if I managed to breathe efficiently, the dizziness might stop, as well.

"Bella?" I heard a cautious voice ask, from behind me. I turned around, to see a worried Edward, standing a few feet away from me. "Are you okay?"

_Oh yeah, I feel like I could participate in a decathlon. No, I'm not okay!_ "Yeah. I'm fine. Just a little dizzy, but its starting to go away. No worries," my voice sounded weak, even to myself. I tried to muster a convincing smile, but I'm sure it came out as more of a grimace.

Edward wasn't fooled. He raised a perfect eyebrow at me, in disbelief. "You don't look fine to me. You're very pale. I think I should take you back inside," he motioned towards the hospital.

"No," I spoke, quickly. "No, no. really, I'm fine. I think I just need to head home and get some rest."

I took my keys out of my pocket, and was about to unlock the door, when I heard him speak, cautiously. "I doubt if its safe for you to drive, in this condition. I'll take you home."

_Dammit, Bella!_ I cursed myself, for having stayed in the parking lot, instead of just leaving, right away. But, really, how was I supposed to know that he'd come after me? "I really am okay, Edward. Besides, I can't just leave my truck, here," I countered, hoping against hope, that he'd agree with me.

He sighed, frustrated. "I can not just allow you to drive when you're like this, Bella. I assure you, nothing will happen to your truck. Now, stop being stubborn and just accept my help!"

_And, just who the hell does he think he is? I am perfectly capable of driving myself home! This is none of his damned business!_ I opened my mouth, ready to give him a piece of my mind, but my knees, suddenly buckled beneath me. I braced myself for the fall, but it never came.

I felt two, strong arms pull me into their wrought iron grasp, before I could hit the floor. I tried to suppress the shriek that I felt, building up in my throat, and let out a whimper, instead, as I fought the involuntary tears that welled up in my eyes, at his touch.

My breathing started coming in short gasps and tears were pouring over my cheeks, mingling with the rain. I fought to pull away from Edward's tight grip. He held me at arms length, steadying me by the shoulders.

I tried hard to keep from panicking. I was counting _1,2...1,2,3...1,2...1,2,3..._it wasn't working. Tremors overtook my body.

My hands found their way to his wrists and I tried to push him away. He didn't budge. He was much too strong. He didn't see what his touch was doing to me. He just stared at me, a bewildered expression masking his beautiful features.

_Why won't he let go?_ I was nearing hyperventilation, but managed to choke out a few muffled words. "Edward…p-please let -go," I pleaded.

As Edward, warily, released me, his face- in my mind- was briefly replaced by _Phil's_. I gasped, staggering backwards and sunk to my knees on the wet ground. I was getting soaked, but I didn't care. I buried my face in my hands, so as to muffle my sobs and hide my tears.

I felt a slight pressure on my shoulder, from his hand, but I cringed away from it. "Don't t-touch me…p-please," I stuttered, glancing up at him, for a quick second. He was on his knees too, about a foot away from me.

I was internally kicking myself for breaking down in front of Edward. _Gah! What the fuck is my problem? Calm down. Just breathe. 1,2...1,2,3...1,2..._

After a few minutes, the tears finally stopped and my breathing was regular. I pushed myself up, slowly, when I was positive that my little episode was over, and looked over at Edward, warily.

He stood up as well, and was now looking at me, in concern. But, I could just barely see a hint of curiosity, behind his worry.

I couldn't believe that Edward had just witnessed me in my most vulnerable state. The only person that had ever seen me that way, was _Phil_. _He_ had had the pleasure of watching me, slowly wither away. Becoming just a shell of whom I once was.

I was seething, to say the least. So angry, at myself for letting him witness this. _Fuck!_ my mind was screaming! As childish as it sounds, I just wanted to hit something. Anything. But I managed to retain my anger.

"I'm done," I stated, grimly and trudged towards his Volvo.

I was soaked to the bone and so was Edward. My legs were still wobbly and we had to stop every few moments, so that I could regain my balance.

Edward opened the passenger side door, and I slid in, silently.

**Edward's POV**

The drive to Bella's house was a silent one. My mind was still reeling from what had happened in the parking lot. It was all so confusing. I wanted to know what was wrong with her, but I didn't know what to say, that wouldn't upset her, more than she already was. She was so fragile. Even more so, than the average human.

But, Bella wasn't just an average human. No. She was so much more.

Bella was an angel; so pure and innocent. I felt compelled to protect her from any harm that came her way. I wanted to comfort her- so badly- but she couldn't be touched.

Bella lifted her hand up to rest on her forehead, breathing deeply. Her luscious scent wafted over me, and with it, came the single most disturbing thought that had ever crossed my mind. A thought that had been tugging at my mind for a while, but only now, decided to surface, completely.

My grip on the steering wheel tightened. My skin, visibly paled, over my knuckles and if I hadn't been restraining myself, the wheel would have snapped under the pressure.

I took a deep breath, inhaling Bella's scent- once more- and forced myself to focus on the task at hand. I gazed- unseeingly- at the window, pushing the horrid thought to the depths of my mind.

We arrived at Bella's house, in a matter of minutes. She climbed out of my Volvo, muttering a "thank you" as she closed the door. I watched her make her way to the door step, and drove off.

I raced down the highway, towards my house. I had to get home, quickly, and do some more research. I tried to delude myself into believing that it couldn't be true. That it was just my morbid imagination, trying to get the best of me.

Oh how wrong that turned out to be…

**(A/N)- Oooh what was Edward's horrible thought? Hmm...What'd you guys think? As promised, this chapter held Bella's session with Carlisle. Just so you know, Carlisle doesn't tell Bella's parents what goes on in their sessions. They just call him to tell him how she is progressing, or isn't.**

**Sorry- once again- for taking so long. And sorry if this chapter was a bit short. But, Please, Please, Pretty Please Review! Hows about we try to surpass 175??**


	11. 11: Change

**I know, I know. I am a horrible, horrible person. Evil, really. _And_, imagination (if I even have any) shouldn't be wasted on a procrastinator, such as I. I suck, _big time_! Okay...is that enough self loathing and reprimanding, for you guys? I really do feel guilty about making everyone wait so long. Especially with a cliffy.**

**And, you guys are such amazing reviewers. Which makes me feel even worse because it took me so long to update.**

**And, now I am sitting at home. Sick and half asleep. I'm guessing its because of the weather here in New York. One day its cold, the next its hot. I never know when I'll need to wear layers so I usually just leave in a sweater and or jacket, instead of my coat. I had to stay home from school today and spent most of the day, knocked out in bed. Ugh. I feel like crap. Maybe its karma, coming around to bite me in the ass for taking so damned long to update?**

**Disclaimer: I don't look anything like Stephenie Meyer, so I'm guessing Twilight isn't mine. Darn it!**

**This chapter is named after Change by Staind.**

**So, on to Chapter 11. Enjoy? And, excuse any mistakes I made. I'm half asleep. I guess the medicine made me drowsy.**

Chapter 11: Change  
Bella's POV

Never before had I felt more relief upon seeing Charlie's house, than I had at that moment. I wanted, _no _needed to get away from Edward. He already knew too much. And, for a fleeting second, I had a feeling that he would be my undoing.

Why he kept coming to my aid was besides me, but whatever the case was, it needed to stop. I couldn't allow him to get too close. People couldn't be trusted and I had had to learn that, the hard way.

I trudged towards the house, feeling as if I'd just been run over by a semi. My entire being practically begging for some sort of release. Everything hurt. Not just physically, but emotionally, as well. There was a certain twinge in my chest that no physical injury could account for.

But, it seemed as though I couldn't catch a break, because no sooner than I'd unlocked the door, Charlie was calling for me to join him and her in the living room. He was home early.

Now, had I been paying closer attention to my surroundings, I would have noticed Charlie's cruiser, parked prematurely, in the driveway. But, as it was, I had been so caught up in my anger and dismay, that I just walked on past it.

I inhaled a deep and painful breath, peeling off my soaked jacket and hanging it up on the coat rack in the foyer. I proceeded into the living room to find Charlie and his _wife_, sitting on the sofa.

There was a grim look on Charlie's face as he held the hand of a smirking Ruth. "Bella, we need to talk," four dangerous words, coming from the mouth of one dead serious Charlie.

This had to be something bad. _We need to talk_. I mulled the words over, searching for an underlying message in the clichéd phrase, as I took a seat in the armchair, across from them. I found none.

"Talk," I said, focusing on keeping my expression masked, indifferently.

Charlie eyed my lips curiously, and spoke. "When'd you get _that_?" he pointed an accusatory finger at my mouth.

"Sunday."

"Where? There are no piercing shops in town and, as far as I know, you haven't been to Port Angeles," he demanded.

"I did it myself," I mumbled, sounding bored.

"_Why_?" he asked. His voice laced with disdain.

"I was bored," I stated matter-of-factly, shrugging my shoulders.

Charlie narrowed his eyes. "Renee won't be too happy to hear about this. You should have asked, first." I only shrugged again, noticing how Ruth tensed at the mention of my mother's name.

"So," I started, dragging out the 'o'. "What'd you want to talk about?"

"I spoke to your mother," he started, pausing briefly, before continuing. "And, we have both agreed that you haven't been making much progress here in Forks. She thinks that you should move back to Phoenix, but I convinced her to give you another chance. I would like to see this new arrangement work out, and Carlisle Cullen is a very good doctor. I think he might be able to help you."

A sigh of relief escaped from my lips, but I managed to regain my impassive composure, nodding for him to go on.

"Well…we have decided that- for the sake of your mother's nerves- you will be visiting Phoenix on all extended holidays and vacations, starting with Thanksgiving. And, while she did agree with me about you staying, she said that if you continue to show no signs of progression, she will come down here herself and take you back."

My heart plummeted down, into the pit of my stomach as he explained the situation. I nodded numbly and rose off the armchair.

Before I could reach the stairs, I heard Charlie's voce speak, from behind me. "Bells, you have to call your mother."

I paused briefly and nodded, before continuing on my way. My body seemed to detach itself from my mind as it carried me up the stairs and into my room. I closed the door behind me and slid down against it. My head dropped to my knees as I wrapped my arms around my legs.

I'm not sure how long I sat there, but it was long enough for my room to become considerably darker. I was shaking, but I couldn't be sure if it was because of the cold temperature or the sobs that were threatening to over take me.

Sighing, I got up, off the floor and gathered my toiletries, before heading into the bathroom. Steam coated the air, as the scalding water poured from the shower head. I stripped off my drenched clothes and stepped inside the shower. I cringed slightly, as the searing water made contact with my sensitive skin, before relaxing into it. My thoughts drifted back to my conversation with Charlie and my stomach lurched. I would be going back to Phoenix in November, for Thanksgiving. Why did I even have to celebrate the godforsaken holiday? I had nothing to be thankful for. I hadn't had anything for a while.

And, who exactly was Renee, to tell me where I could and could not stay? _My mother_. But. What kind of mother was she, anyway? So agonizingly oblivious was she, to the gruesome activities that took place under her roof. She was the person who was supposed to know me best, and yet she knew nothing.

Or maybe she did know, but chose to turn the other cheek. Maybe, somewhere inside of her, she knew the monster that was lurking in her very household, but chose to repress the revolting knowledge.

I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. Suddenly craving nothing more than a sharp kiss from my metal lover, I toweled off as quickly as my weak body would allow and changed into a pair of baggy, gray sweatpants and an old, white tee-shirt.

I made my way into my room, setting my toiletries on the desk. I didn't bother turning on the light as I searched for my blade in the dim lighting of the moon that shone through my window.

"Ah," I spotted the beautiful metal, sitting on my bedside table. I grabbed it, not flinching as the edges pressed into my palm and smiled, knowing that sweet release was on its way.

I grabbed my ipod, before climbing into bed and sat down with my legs crossed, Indian style. I slipped on my headphones, blasting my music as loud as possible and quickly brought the blade up to my right wrist, not wanting to damage the artwork on my left one.

My hand seemed to be working of its own volition as it led the blade in a sharp dance, across my skin, leaving a beautiful trail of crimson, in its wake. I felt relief shoot through my body, as I ran the blade over the incision, once more and then another time. I was blind with this brilliant surge of pain that made everything else subside, if only for this moment.

Hot tears began flowing in a river, down my cheeks as I dropped the blade onto my bed and curled up into a ball, on my side. The bright crimson liquid was flowing freely, now. I had cut a little too deep.

Never in a million years would I have believed that I'd end up a cutter. A masochist, aching to feel beautiful pain. A few years back, before my life took on its turbulent descent, I would have found the mere idea of self-mutilation utterly appalling. I would have been disgusted that a person would so willingly chooses to cause him or herself pain.

But now, as I lay in bed, staring at the- inadvertently abysmal- slit on my wrist, I saw the beauty behind the blade. The sheer pleasure that comes with a simple slice of the skin. The brilliance of one's blood flowing in a steady stream.

The release it gives, fleeting as it is, is the only form of comfort that I know. The distraction that comes from my self-induced agony is the only way to escape for a while.  
I remembered the first time that I tried it and I must say that the first cut is definitely not the deepest.

_**Flashback**_  
_I think it may have been about the third time that _he _had used me and I was sobbing uncontrollably, on my bed. I felt filthy. Repulsive. I don't think that I even knew what I was doing.  
_

_There was not a single rational or coherent thought running through my mind, except that I had to do something with myself, before I completely lost it.  
_

_In a swift and thoughtless act, I was gliding a safety pin that had been lying on my dresser, across the soft, unblemished skin of my wrist.  
_

_It was but a mere scrape and bled almost infinitesimally, but the relief that I felt, was what got me hooked, what drove me to cut myself deeper and more often.  
**End of flashback**_

Soon, I became addicted. I couldn't quit. And, feeling the blissful agony of this moment, I didn't dare fathom something so absurd.

It was like my own, personal drug. An upper which sent me on trip, after trip of unadulterated ecstasy. A million times better than the Prozac, prescribed by doctors who would never even remotely begin to understand the extent of torture that has been thrust upon me.

Its not that I think my situation is the most horrible predicament ever heard of, though I know how repugnant it is. I am well aware that there are people out there whom are much worse off than I. And, I guess that I should take some comfort in knowing that, but how can I? How can I take comfort in knowing that there are atrocious monsters- even more so than _him_- out there, hiding behind pleasant masks by day, and torturing the innocent, throughout the night?

I felt an eerie sort of vertigo, creeping up on me as I mused over the tainted world that people so willingly live within. My eye lids were becoming heavier and heavier as I fell into a fitful sleep, only to awaken three times, throughout the night.

* * *

I jumped up, startled out of my unconsciousness by the loud creaking of the house, against the strong winds, outside. I took a minute to take in my surroundings. A dim light filtered through my window, leading me to believe that it was just past dawn. And, a glance at the alarm clock on my bedside table confirmed this.

I lay for an indefinite amount of time, still listening to my ipod, having fallen asleep with it on, a few hours before. My wrist was coated in a layer of dried blood. The incision still throbbing, hours after the pleasantly gruesome act.

As the sun rose, only to be masked by gray clouds, I became more and more restless. I paced, slowly, back and forth, across my room, needing to do something with myself. I heard Charlie head out, to go fishing, at around 7:30. Leaving me alone with his _wife_.

The thought that I had a wicked step mother, made me feel, like Cinderella, for just a moment, before I realized that I could never be a beautiful princess and would probably never find a Prince Charming, to haul me away from my- more than dysfunctional- family.

With a sigh, I poked my head out of my door, listening for any movements that might indicate Ruth's lingering on the second landing. When I was sure that she was downstairs, I made my way into the bathroom, launching into my monotonous, morning routine.

I retreated to my room, and as I swallowed my Prozac, I had the idea to go out, instead of spending the day under the "care" of my stepmother. But, I then realized that I had no mode of transportation, seeing as how that damnable Edward practically forced me away from my truck, yesterday.

But, I couldn't just stay there. Surely I would go out of my mind if I kept pacing in the small, cramped space of my room.

I opted for a walk down to the hospital. I'd pick up my truck, then drive around for a considerable amount of time. Maybe I'd find a library- surely, this town had to have at least a small one- or maybe I'd get something to eat. My body felt as if I hadn't had a proper meal, in days, which was probably the case. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd eaten.

I dressed slowly, in a pair of loosely fitting, black jeans, a black, Marilyn Manson tee-shirt with a red, long-sleeved shirt under it, and a pair of checkered Vans. After pulling on a hoodie, I dug around my bag, for my money and keys and grabbed my ipod from the bed.

Then, ever so slowly, I tiptoed down the stairs, wanting to make a quiet get away. But, of course, being me, I managed to knock right into the woman of the house as she was making her way into the living room.

She growled something unintelligible and, with a swift movement of her arm, drove her elbow into my- already sore- ribs, sending me hurtling to the ground. I managed to suppress a whimper as her hand came down to my face with a loud smack, no doubt leaving a scarlet imprint across my cheek, in the shape of her large hand.

"Watch where you're going, _Bella_," she sneered as she continued into the living room.

I sat there, for a moment, completely immobilized. I could still feel the sting of her hand across my face, and the pain emanating from my ribcage was even greater than before.

It was probably the fear that she would return and possibly do more damage than she already had, that drove me to pull myself up and walk- if you could call it that- towards the door. As I laid a hand on my jacket, I could still feel a little dampness from the rain yesterday and decided against taking it, wanting nothing more than to just be gone.

I turned on my ipod, wrapped an arm around my torso and began my trudge, down the road, idly wondering if coming to forks had been the right decision. So far, nothing good had come of my stay and I was beginning to realized just how big of a burden I really was.

My thoughts soon switched over to Ruth. What had I ever done to her that would make her show such contempt, towards me?

What little I had learned about her in the summer of their wedding, flashed through my mind. I remembered Charlie telling me that her mother had left Ruth and her father when she was about fifteen years old and that her father had passed away, a few years after.

I imagined a light bulb flashing over my head as the idea came to me. Ruth- the forty-three year old wife of my father- was afraid of abandonment. At least I thought she might be. It would make sense. Her hatred towards Renee and I could be justified as her, just being afraid of us taking her husband away from her.

In a brief moment of what could only be described as ludicrous insanity, I felt a twinge of sympathy and ruth (no pun intended) towards this woman. But, it was quickly replaced by complete contempt. _This horrid woman abuses me and I pity her? God, I am an idiot._

In my pensive state, I hadn't realized that there had been a car, following behind me for the past couple of minutes. Turning slowly, I found that- to my extreme dread- there was a silver Volvo matching my pace. A beautifully agitated driver sat behind the wheel. I sighed, removing one of my earphones.

As he noticed me, noticing him, he drove up beside me, rolling down the window. "Day dreaming, are we?"

I said nothing, only raising an eyebrow as he continued.

"You know, you really should pay more attention to your surroundings. What if, instead of me, there had been a sadistic stalker, following you?" his tone, while teasing, held an undercurrent of seriousness.

I had to snort at the comment because a.) I didn't think a "sadistic stalker" could hurt me more than had already been accomplished, and b.) A stalker is exactly what Edward seemed to be becoming.

He eyed the arm, wrapped around my body, speculatively for a moment, before saying, "Come on, hop in."

I watched him doubtfully, not trusting his pretenses. Not knowing what this boy, whom I had only just met, could possibly want with me. Wondering why he kept coming to my rescue.

"No, its okay. I don't mind walking, really, " I declined.

I should have expected his stern tone, after my episode, yesterday. "Bella, you are wearing a thin sweater and it is quite chilly."

As if to prove his point, a gust of wind blew past me, making me shiver and wince in pain from the sudden movement.

"You don't even know where I am going. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you. You probably have a lot to do, today," I was desperate to find a way out of this.

He sighed. "As a matter of fact, I am completely free today and wouldn't mind lending my services to a woman in need."

I was quiet for a long moment. Weighing my options. If I ran, he would most definitely be able to catch up to me, and I doubted if I could so much as jog. If I stayed and let him drive me, there was the chance that there could be an underlying reason to his helpfulness. He might want something in return. Something I wouldn't want to give. And though I saw no hint of malevolence in his topaz orbs, it was still a possibility.

"Bella, you have no reason to distrust me. I only want to help," he spoke, seeming to sense what I had been thinking.

"Why?"

"That is an excellent question," he answered, mostly to himself. "Now please, get in the car, before you catch a cold."

I sighed, exasperatedly, seeming to have no other choice and walked around the car. Once I climbed inside, he gave me a dazzling smile, that would have sent any other girl into hysterics. I only frowned, wanting him to start driving.

He frowned, as well and asked, "Now, what are your plans, for the day?"

"I was _going to_ pick up my truck and become acquainted with the town," I muttered.

"And you were going to do this, _how_?"

"I was planning to walk to the hospital and fetch my truck, find a library and maybe grab some breakfast, but I am no longer hungry," the conflict with Ruth had done away with my hunger.

His frown deepened, at my loss of appetite. "You should eat something."

"I just said I wasn't hungry."

"Yes, but breakfast _is _the most important meal of the day. Besides, you've gotten very thin."

I grimaced as he said this. Not believing that he would have noticed the details of my appearance. It was true. I _had _gotten awfully thin since my arrival at Forks. But, my wellbeing was none of his concern.

"Bella, please stop being so difficult," he pleaded.

I looked away from him, staring unseeingly, out the window. A stoic expression crossing my face.

We drove in silence for a couple of minutes- the trees outside the window, flying by at an impossible speed- until we drove past the Forks city limits.

"Where are we going?" I asked, panicked.

"Calm down, Bella. I'm taking you to eat. In Port Angeles. There aren't very many decent restaurants in Forks," he stated, calmly.

I groaned, but otherwise remained silent. Now, I really _did _think that coming to Forks had been a terrible idea. At least in Phoenix there was no one quite so persistent to deal with. No one breaking into my solitude and threatening to discover the gruesome secrets of my existence.

But, I _did _have to deal with _Phil_. And he _was_, and still _is _a threat. He _was _one of the gruesome secrets of my existence. Which leads us to _Ruth_. Another secret.

I sighed in frustration, realizing that both places were horrific. That neither one would be more suitable than the other. That my whole existence was based upon secrets and mendacities.

"What are you thinking?" Edward's frustration nearly matched my own, as he broke through my contemplations.

"The weather in Forks, compared to the weather in Phoenix," I lied easily. Not breaking a sweat.

"And, what of your comparisons?"

"I'm not sure which I prefer."

"I would have thought you'd prefer the sun, rather than the clouds," he seemed to sense that this conversation was about more than just the weather. He was very perceptive.

I shrugged my shoulders, keeping my answer as vague as possible. "I'm not very partial to either."

We continued in silence, for a few minutes and I, subconsciously, began to sing along to the song that was currently playing on my ipod. The act calming me, as it used to do, before everything went wrong.

_If ever you had said to me before  
That I would lead this life that I am  
Living now I guess it's all so strange  
To feel the way I do inside but  
Have so much that I could feel some  
Pride for in my life so why is it that  
I feel like this_

"You know, you really shouldn't listen to music, so loudly," he spoke, sternly.

I lowered the volume almost infinitesimally and continued singing. 

_How do I feel? I've been here before.  
I've felt this  
Retreat to a place, a place within me,  
I need this. keep it all down, bottled inside  
It breaks me to torment again and  
torture me like it used to _

He sighed and asked. "What're you listening to?"

"Change by Staind."

"It sounds good. Or maybe its just your singing that makes it pleasant. You have a very lovely voice," he stated, sounding sincere.

"Thanks," I mumbled and shifted uncomfortably, in my seat.

I refrained from singing, throughout the rest of the ride and heaved a sigh of relief as we finally reached our destination.

We parked outside of a restaurant called La Bella Italia. Edward was holding the door open for me, before I'd even gotten a chance to remove my headphones and I eyed him inquisitively, for a moment, before stepping out.

**(A/N) I really _am _sorry for taking so long to update.Review? (I don't think I even have a right to ask. I am horrible. Another cliffy?)**


	12. 12: Colors

**Hello, all! I'm so so sorry for not updating! I don't blame you if you hate my guts, but you can't kill me 'cause then you'd never find out how the story ends XD Thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers. I love you all! **

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own anything. Duh P**

**This chapter is named after Colors by Crossfade. Its a wonderful sonng. Now, onto Chapter 12. Enjoy?  
**

Chapter 12: Colors

Edward's POV

I skidded to a stop in the garage and hurriedly climbed out. My mind had been racking through all of the heart-wrenching possibilities, during my drive home from Bella's house. I was incredibly eager to get into Carlisle's office and prove my gruesome thoughts wrong.

_Surely, they have to be._

I raced inside- past all of my siblings, who were gathered in the living room, watching some silly human show- and quickly climbed the stairs to the second landing. Carlisle wouldn't be off of his shift for another few hours, so I was free- once again- to surf the net alone, with only the idle thoughts of my family members, penetrating my mind.

The state-of-the-art computer couldn't boot up fast enough, for my taste. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the desk as I waited to log in.

* * *

I stared at that computer screen for what seemed to be an eternity, reading. Or rather, trying to read. After the first few sites that I visited, my mind blanked. The words became an unintelligible blur as I attempted to take in all of the information. My hands were working of their own volition, typing, navigating the mouse, scrolling up, down.

All of my hopes fell as I sifted through the horrifying websites. The severity of what could quite possibly be truth, frightened me. _Me_. The vampire. The horrible monster. It horrified me to no end. It worried me.

The words came back into focus, taunting me with their dreadful meanings until I could no longer bare to stare at that damnable computer screen any longer.

I logged off and shut down the computer and raced outside, past Carlisle whom was just walking into the house. I overheard Esme telling him that I'd been acting a bit odd, as I dashed into the forest. I dismissed her words though, just wanting to run and free myself as best I could.

And run I did. I wandered aimlessly through the woods, for hours at a rapid pace. Running is the one part of being a vampire that I actually enjoy. It was usually wonderfully exhilarating.

But today, my mind kept drifting back to Bella Swan and all of the little details about her that seemed to scream self-harm. The facts that she'd gotten incredibly skinny, since her arrival at Forks, that Lauren Mallory had been witness to her vomiting, that she always skipped lunch, all seemed to point to an eating disorder. Or, the way that she always wore long-sleeves and wristbands and how her luscious scent seemed to be more concentrated at her arms, than any other place on her body. Little details that a human could have written off as a fashion statement, could be attempts at concealing acts of self-mutilation.

But, what would cause such a beautiful creature to resort to self-injury? Why would such a perfect angel feel the way that Jasper had described?

I decided to give up on running, knowing that it wouldn't be able to deflect my thoughts, and started towards my meadow. It was a beautiful, grassy clearing in the heart of the forest, surrounded by trees and flowers.

I lay down, right in the middle of the clearing and let my mind drift, my thoughts undeniably turning back to Bella, no matter how hard I tried to stop them. What was it about this girl that enchanted me so? She was but a mere human child, and yet she seemed to be all I could think about, since she graced this town with her presence only a week and a half ago.

I wanted to know everything about her. What was her true reason for moving to Forks? What was it that troubled her? Why did she flinch whenever I made contact with her? What caused her to break down, in school and in the parking lot of the hospital? I needed to know all of this and more, but I doubted it would be as simple as just asking her.

She seemed to shy away from people and attention. Her anti-social behavior could just be a side-effect of her disorder. But, it could also be something more. I found myself vowing to discover every aspect of Bella's life and also vowing to help her in any and every way humanly and inhumanly possible.

I would help Bella Swan, no matter what it took. I didn't know much about her, but I seriously doubted if she'd done anything to deserve the life that she'd been leading and I wanted to help her set it straight.

I headed home with that thought set in my mind, propelling me forward.

* * *

Before I knew it, I was sitting behind the wheel of my Volvo, having showered and changed a few minutes before, contemplating how I would go about showing up to Bella's house, without seeming suspicious.

I drove towards her house, still pondering, but let out a huge sigh as I saw a familiar form, making its way up the road.

Bella had her headphones on and seemed to be so deep in thought, that she didn't notice when I made a U-turn and slowed my pace to match hers, driving a few feet or so behind her. I studied the way she seemed to trudge up the road, taking short, weary steps with a hand wrapped around her tiny frame.

Minutes later, she still hadn't noticed me and I was contemplating honking my horn at her to grasp her attention. What if it had been some psycho following her and she hadn't noticed?

When she finally turned around, I looked up to see a hint of dread in her chocolatey orbs as she removed one of her earphones.

I drove up beside her, rolling down my window, and in a casual tone asked, "Daydreaming, are we?" when she said nothing, I continued. "You know, you really should pay more attention to your surroundings. What if, instead of me, there had been a sadistic stalker, following you?"

She snorted at my comment and I suspected it was because in this situation, I must have seemed like a bit of a stalker. I just hoped she didn't really think I was some sort of creep.

I glanced at the arm that clung to her upper body and couldn't help but wonder why it was that she did that. Was it from physical or emotional damage? "Come on, hop in."

She watched me distrustfully for a few moments, which wasn't unexpected, before declining politely. Telling me that she would walk.

"Bella, you are wearing a thin sweater and it is quite chilly," mother nature seemed to be on my side today, as a gust of wind blew past her, proving my point and sweeping around her heady scent.

"You don't even know where I am going. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you. You probably have a lot to do, today," I sensed her desperation, and sighed.

"As a matter of fact, I am completely free today and wouldn't mind lending my services to a woman in need," she was not going to get away that easily.

She seemed to be weighing her options, and after a long moment of silence, I spoke again. "Bella, you have no reason to distrust me. I only want to help,"

"Why?"

"That is an excellent question," I honestly had no idea what it was that made me want to help her. It was like an instinct. I needed to protect her. "Now please, get in the car, before you catch a cold."

She heaved an exasperated sigh and complied. Once she had climbed inside, I gave her my most dazzling smile, which she returned with a frown, making me frown as well.

"Now, what are your plans, for the day? I queried. I had no problem chauffeuring her around, for the day if it meant that I'd be spending time with her.

She proceeded to tell me what she had planned on doing and my frown deepened when she mentioned her loss of appetite, thinking back to Lauren Mallory's comment in Biology class and the research that I had done at home. I stole a sideways glance at her thin figure and her wrists which were carefully covered under her sweater, but I could see the fabric of her wristbands, peeking out from the openings of her sleeves.

"You should eat something."

"I just said I wasn't hungry."

"Yes, but breakfast _is _the most important meal of the day. Besides, you've gotten very thin," I said, stealing another glance at her.

My comment seemed to peeve her and I knew she probably thought that it wasn't any of my business, however it still didn't stop me from caring. "Bella, please stop being so difficult."

She remained quiet for a few minutes and the only sounds around us were the soft hum of the Volvo's engine and the angry music coming from her headphones, until we passed the city limits and she panicked.

"Calm down, Bella. I'm taking you to eat. In Port Angeles. There aren't very many decent restaurants in Forks," I stated, calmly.

I was glad that she didn't put up a fight, only groaned and continued to stare out her window, lost in some thought that, for the life of me, I could not figure out. What good was the power to read people's minds, when the person you most waned to hear, was your only exception?

When she sighed in frustration, I could no longer contain my curiosity, and questioned her thoughts.

"The weather in Forks, compared to the weather in Phoenix," she replied, easily. But, I knew better.

"And, what of your comparisons?"

"I'm not sure which I prefer," though she was an incredible liar for a human, there was something else in her tone. I knew she wasn't talking about just the weather, but I went along with her lie, just the same.

We returned to our silent musings, and after a few minutes, her exquisite voice rang out through the car, singing such beautifully haunting lyrics, that I had to wonder if she actually felt the way that the lyrics explained. Her voice conveyed such emotion, that I internally kicked myself, for interrupting her, and even more so, when she stopped singing.

Bella sighed in relief, as we parked outside of La Bella Italia and I walked quickly around the car, to open her door. She looked at me curiously as she rolled the headphones around her ipod.

"You can put it in the glove compartment, if you'd like," I offered, not wanting her to lose it.

She complied, and I gave her a smile as she climbed out of the Volvo.

_If I was your vampire  
Slim as the moon  
Instead of killing time  
We'll have each other till the sun._

My breath hitched, at the sound of Bella's ringtone, but she just ignored it and continued walking.

_If I was your vampire  
Slim as the moon_

"Aren't you going to pick up your phone?" I asked, wanting the song to end.

She sighed, and reached into her pocket. With a glance at the screen, her jaw visibly clenched and she finally picked up. "Yeah?"

"Isabella. Marie. Swan!" there was an angst-ridden, female voice on the other end and I didn't even need my sharp senses to be able to hear her end of the conversation, from where I stood.

"Yeah, mom?" Bella asked, holding the phone slightly away from her ear.

"Do you have any idea how worried I have been? Why haven't you been answering my calls?! I've left dozens of voicemails and you haven't even bothered to call me back. You know that one of my conditions for letting you go, was that you had to call me everyday!"

"Uh-huh," Bella muttered, rolling her eyes.

"I spoke to your father and he said that he explained to you that you'll be coming back for holidays and vacations. He also told me that you've gotten your lip pierced. Isabella, you know you aren't supposed to do anything like that, without my permission. And, you did it yourself?! Do you know how dangerous that could be? It could have gotten infected. I'm telling you myself that you have only a few weeks to get your act together, or you're moving back to Phoenix. You here me? You need to-"

"Uh, mom? I think we're losing connection. I can't hear you. Mom?" and just like that, Bella hung up on her mother and turned off the phone, shoving the small device rather roughly, into her jeans.

She glanced up at me, wearily, knowing that I'd most likely heard her mother's end of the conversation. She seemed to be expecting me to make some sort of comment, but I only smiled at her, reassuringly as we entered the restaurant.

"Table for two?" asked the hostess as she looked me over, her thoughts taking a lust filled turn. I nodded and looked down at Bella who had her nose wrinkled, looking adorable.

I was grateful when the woman led us to the more secluded part of the restaurant and slipped her a twenty as Bella and I sat down across from one another.

"Your waiter will be out in a few moments," she said in an overtly flirtatious manner, before walking away.

"You know, you really didn't have to do this. I'm not even really hungry."

I sighed. "Bella, when was the last time you ate?" I suppose it was blunt, but the question had been nagging at me and I had to know.

She looked a bit taken aback by my question, but composed herself and sighed in submittal. "They're not true, you know," when she noticed my confused expression, she explained. "The rumors. You know; Bella Swan has anger issues and Bella Swan is bulimic. They're not true."

"I wasn't saying that you are bulimic-"

"I know. But, you were probably wondering. That's what fueled your question, right?"

I nodded my head. "Yes, I guess it was. I'm sorry that-"

"No, no. It's understandable. The "Queen Bee" walks in on the new girl while she's throwing up and automatically assumes she has an eating disorder. She doesn't stop to think that maybe the girl is actually sick. She tells the whole student body and since the new girl is awfully thin and skips lunch and nobody knows anything about her, they believe what the gossipmonger says."

"Why didn't you set them straight?" I asked, inwardly reprimanding myself for believing teenage gossip.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Well, I could _honestly _give three shits what a bunch of spoiled brats think of me. Let them believe what they want. I know it isn't true. That's enough for me. I don't have to set anybody straight. If someone wants to know the truth, they can ask. Besides, the rumors have gotten them to stay away from me, so I guess they were good for something."

"Wow," I stared at her incredulously.

"What?"

"Well, not many teenagers think that way. Most of them would be going out of their way to clear their names, but the rumors don't even seem to faze you." I explained.

"I _was _angry, but is it really my problem if Lauren has nothing better to do with her time other than gossip?" the more Bella spoke, the more I thirsted to hear her voice. I liked the fact that she didn't care much about rumors and I understood why she didn't clear them up.

I was enjoying the way we were actually having a conversation. She still had her defenses up, but at least we were finally communicating.

"Are you ready to order?" came the waiter's voice, interrupting our conversation.

"Bella?" I asked.

"Um…I guess I'll have pancakes and some coffee? You Edward?"

"I ate before I left the house. I'm not hungry," I stated, avoiding Bella's narrow eyed glare.

"I'll be back with your order, right away."

"So when _I _say I'm not hungry, I have to eat, but when _you _say you're not hungry, its completely fine."

"Yes well, _I _already ate, unlike _you_."

"Whatever," Bella muttered, as she took off her sweater.

"Marilyn Manson?" I raised an eyebrow at her t-shirt.

"Mm-hmm," she nodded. "My favorite band. The back has lyrics. Sorry if its offensive."

"Its not."

The waiter came back with Bella's orders and we sat in silence while she ate.

I noticed how it was getting easier for me to be around her wonderful scent. She wasn't just another human to me, anymore. Her scent was becoming just another one of her wonderful features. It was still strong, but I knew I could control myself and I knew that she mattered more to me than her blood did. And for her, I could overcome the bloodlust.

I frowned when she pushed away her plate and began sipping on her coffee. She had barely eaten half of her breakfast. "That's all you're going to eat?"

"I'm full," she stated simply.

Still frowning, I called the waiter over for the check. I pulled out my wallet and was about to take my money out, when Bella's voice stopped me.

"I'm paying," she said, stubbornly.

"Bella, I brought you here."

"Yes, but I was the one that ate here."

I shook my head and paid the bill, before she could object.

She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me, frowning as I smiled.

"Ready?" I asked.

Bella nodded and pulled her sweater back on, before getting up.

"What would you like to do, now?" I asked, once we were outside.

"Well, I need some new reading material, if you don't mind going to a library or bookstore?"

"Not at all," I answered.

There seemed to be something on her mind, as we walked back to the car and as I put the key in the ignition, I asked, "What're you thinking about?"

Bella looked at me for a moment, deliberating. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

I didn't know how to answer her question. The truth was that I felt a strong pull to her. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to help her. I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to know everything about her and then some.

"Do I have to have a reason for being nice?"

"I was just wondering…" she trailed off.

"What?"

"Carlisle is your father?"

"Yes…" I prompted.

"Is he the reason that you're being nice?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, though I thought I knew what she was getting at.

She sighed. "You know that he is my psychiatrist." I nodded for her to continue. "So…did he ask you to be nice? Or maybe you feel bad for me."

I shook my head. "I didn't know that Carlisle was your psychiatrist until yesterday and I haven't had a chance to talk to him, since he gets off of his shift so late. And, its not that I feel bad for you. I just _want _to be nice."

"You _want _to be nice," she repeated, seeming to mull the words over.

"Yes," I agreed. "Look, Bella, I don't have any friends, other than my siblings, so I'm not very well versed in socializing, but I figure being nice is how someone is supposed to befriend a person."

"Mm-hmm. Why me, though?" she wondered.

"Why you, what?"

"Why did you choose to befriend _me_?"

"I don't know," I lied. I'd probably scare her off if I told her the truth.

"I'm not sure if befriending me is such a good idea," she stated, seriously.

"How so?"

"I mean that I'm not a good friend, for you," she warned, not knowing that I was practically indestructible.

"I think I'll take my chances with you," I declared, pulling into a spot outside of a small bookstore.

For the first time since I met her, Bella's lips quirked up slightly, into a ghost of a smile, and though it barely reach her eyes, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I found myself fantasizing over what it would be like to see her smiling completely, her radiance shining over everything surrounding her.

_Oh what I wouldn't give to see her smile…_

**(a/n) Did you guys like it? They're finally progressing into a more friendish-like zone! Yay? Did you like Bella's ringtone? It was If I Was Your Vampire by Marilyn Manson. I thought it'd be somewhat funny. **

**Please review, even though you hate me for being such a sucky updater!**


	13. 13: I'm So Sick

**Oh My Gosh! She updates! Que?! Pas possible! OK, are we over the initial shock? I am so unfathomably sorry for taking so long. My computer had a virus and it took a while to get it fixed (why do they call it a virus?). But, it's fine now. Thank You to all of you who reviewed! Your support really means a lot to me!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own! Duh!**

**The song for this chapter is I'm So Sick by Flyleaf. Now, onto chapter 13! Enjoy?!**

Chapter 13: I'm So Sick

Bella's POV

"I think I'll take my chances with you," he said. He spoke with such resolve that I just knew he wasn't lying to me.

Unless he had some serious acting skills.

But, for some reason, I let myself believe him. And, the thought of maybe having a real friend- one who would actually stick around- almost brought a smile to my lips. An act that seemed so foreign to me now, after so many frowns and grimaces.

We pulled up in front of a small bookstore and climbed out of the Volvo.

The moment we stepped inside, the scent of books and pipe tobacco wafted over us. There were rows upon rows of brand new books mingled with secondhand ones, crowding the cozy shop. Several comfortable looking armchairs were spread out at random spots throughout the store. A little, old man taking a long drag of his pipe sat behind the register, a pencil in his hand, poised over a book. He looked up and gave a slight nod to acknowledge our presence, then jotted something down.

I looked up at Edward and he smiled reassuringly, motioning for me to look around. I started towards a random aisle and began to search through the shelves for anything that might interest me.

* * *

A few hours later, after having read the first chapter of several books, I had narrowed my choices down to the three that I most wanted. I maneuvered my way through the aisles, Edward trailing behind me, towards the cash register.

The little old man sat in the same place, pipe laying on the counter, still looking down at his book with his pencil in his hand. As we reached him, I noticed that he was looking down at a book of crossword puzzles.

He looked up at us and smiled a nearly absent-toothed smile. "Are ya ready to pay, dear?"

I nodded and handed him my three choices. Valiant by Holly Black, Flowers In The Attic by V.C. Andrews and Crank by Ellen McCormmick. I would have to return soon for the sequels to the latter two.

The man rang them up. "That'll be 37.50, dear."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward reaching into his pocket for his wallet, but before he could take it out, I sent him a glare that would have nearly anyone quivering in their shoes and dug my own money out of my pocket.

As I handed the old man a fifty dollar bill, I noticed a sign pinned onto the wall behind him. "You're hiring?" I asked, motioning towards the 'Help Wanted' sign.

He looked back at the it, then smiled his absent-toothed smile up at me. "I am. It's been hard having to run this store on my own, ever since my wife Estelle passed, last year," he answered sadly. "Are ya interested?"

I answered without thinking. "Yes. I'm Bella Swan."

"Joseph Smith," he extended a wrinkled hand towards me. "Nice to meet ya, Bella."

I sucked in a pain-filled breath and Edward stiffened beside me as I shook Joseph Smith's hand- unwillingly- and counted in my comforting pattern. The old man didn't seem to notice. "Nice to meet you too, Mr. Smith."

"Call me Joe, dear." he smiled and turned to Edward. "And who is this young man?"

"Edward Cullen, sir," he reached out and shook Joe's hand, without hesitation. I felt a twinge of envy surge through me as I watched the interaction, jealous that Edward could handle contact with another person so damned easily, when I'd just barely managed to shake the feeble man's hand.

Turning back to me, Joe spoke, bringing me out of my envious musings. "So, when can ya start, dear?"

"I got the job? Just like that?" I asked, surprised that he hadn't told me to fill out an application of some sort or asked me any questions.

"Well, I would need you to bring in your social security and working papers. And, I'll need to know your age. Can't be hiring anyone younger than sixteen," he answered.

"Oh, of course. I'm sixteen and I can bring the paper work."

"Well then, sure. Ya seem like a nice enough girl," he conceded. " The job pays 7.50 an hour. I'll show ya how to organize the books, take inventory, use the register, the whole nine yards."

"Thanks so much Joe. I can come over after school, if that's okay?"

"Of course, dear. What time does school end?" he asked.

"Three O'clock."

"So, I'll see ya on Monday at...4:30?" he inquired, hopefulness very apparent in his voice.

"Definitely."

I grabbed my bag and walked out of the small shop with Edward at my side, ignoring the ache in my ribs and feeling more hopeful than I ever had since my arrival at Forks, Washington. Also, knowing that the more time I spent at my new job, the less I had to spend in my father's house with my wicked stepmother.

When we reached the car, Edward leaned coolly against the passenger side door. I came to a stop a few feet in front of him. "So, what would you like to do next? I could take you home..." it seemed as though he saw something in my eyes- panic, maybe- and added, "Or we can do something else?"

"Um...you choose. I think I've dominated enough of your day, already," I answered sheepishly.

"You haven't," he assured me. "Would you like to take a walk down to the bay?"

"Sure," I agreed. Anything sounded better than going back to my father's home and spending the rest of the day with his sadistic wife.

Edward took the bag from my hand and set it down, inside the Volvo. We began our walk towards the bay, Edward gliding gracefully down the street while I ambled along side him. He spoke after a few minutes, breaking our slience. "I didn't know that you were looking for a job."

"I wasn't. I just saw the sign and figured that getting a job wouldn't be such a bad idea. I don't really want to have to depend on my parents for money," I answered. I didn't know why I'd replied so honestly, instead of giving him one of my usual, vague answers. I felt as if I could- at least somewhat- trust this Edward Cullen.

"Why not? You're only sixteen. I'm sure your parents don't mind taking care of you," he inquired.

_Yeah, if you could call what they've been doing so far "caring for me" then sure, they don't mind. No, I'm not even sure of that. I've become such a burden over the past few years that I'm sure they actually _have _begun to mind "caring for me"._

I didn't know how to answer that question. How could I tell him that I didn't want to be at home, or well, in Charlie's home. Or that I found it difficult to trust my own parents. I mean, they had already failed me so many times that I didn't want to depend on them for _anything _anymore. I didn't want to have to ask Charlie for money, when I needed it. Or to have to ask Renee to wire it to me from Arizona. I'd rather have this sliver of independence. I needed at least _some _semblance of stability in my life. And, if I couldn't be emotionally stable, then my own financial stability would have to do.

Besides, having my own money and savings account might come in handy some day.

I shrugged. "I guess I just like the idea of having this independence."

"Most kids your age wouldn't even think about having jobs."

I looked down at my shoes as we walked and answered solemnly. "Yeah well, I don't have the...normalcy? that other kids my age are offered. I guess you already knew that. And, I don't want to be a bother to my parents." Well, more of a bother, anyways.

"Bella..." he started, sounding pained. I looked into his troubled, ocher eyes and he seemed to guess that I'd say no more on the subject. I'd already spoken more to him than I had to anyone else, in a long time.

The rest of the day was spent sightseeing, on the boardwalk overlooking the bay, and having pleasantly shallow conversations with Edward. The smell of the salted waters and the sound of the seagulls was soothing. I didn't mind Edward's company, in the least. It wasn't awkward, but comfortable.

But, as we spent more time together, I began to get the feeling that he had something to hide, as well. It was fairly simple for me to notice when someone had a secret, having kept one myself, for so long; sometimes he'd steer away from certain conversations and it seemed as though he was holding something back.

It didn't really matter to me, whether or not he was keeping a secret, for I was keeping one myself and I knew that if it weren't important, he wouldn't hide it.

"What's your favorite color?" he asked, breaking me out of my contemplations, as we leaned on the boardwalk's rail and looked out on the sea. The sky was beginning to darken.

"I'm not sure I have one, actually. I haven't given colors much thought," I answered, truthfully. "What's your's?"

"I like the color blue," he said.

"Tell me about your taste in music."

"I mostly enjoy classical music, though I do listen to other genres. Anything that's not from the sixties or seventies. What about you?"

"Well, I love rock and I have to disagree with you about the seventies. Some of the music was pretty great. And, Renee listens to classical music at home, so I also like it, though I only know my favorites. Music is a big part of my life." A wonderful getaway, I wanted to say.

He looked away from the dark waters, towards me. "Do you play any instruments?"

I returned his gaze a bit reluctantly. "I used to play the guitar." I couldn't hide the mournful tone of my voice and was sure Edward had caught it as he cocked his head, looking at me speculatively.

"Used to?" he inquired.

I nodded and looked away. "Do you?"

"I play the piano."

"Are you good?"

"I'm okay," he answered, wryly.

Edward turned back to the sea and a comfortable silence enfolded us for a long while.

I was treading dozens of emotions as I gazed, unseeingly, ahead. Edward seemed to have such a good life going for him and I envied him that. I wished that I could make physical contact with another being, without losing it. I yearned to have such a nice home life. I longed for the desire to play my guitar and ride my skateboard, again. I just wanted everything to be how it was before the abuse, before the cutting, before everything went straight to Hell.

I'm not sure how long we stood there, both of us lost in our own reveries, but we were brought back to the present by giddy laughter. I turned around to see a young couple walking past us, looking absolutely euphoric, in a tight embrace.

Glancing around, I realized that all the stores were closed and there we were, alone on the walk, save for the young couple. "What time is it?" I wondered, aloud.

Edward pulled a tiny, silver cellphone out of his pocket and looked at the screen. "9:46. I lost track of time. I'm sorry, Bella," he apologized. "I should get you home, before you get into trouble."

I sighed deeply and gazed up at the night sky, the clouds making it impossible to see any stars. I wasn't ready to go back to Charlie's house. But then again, I didn't think I ever would be. "It's okay," I whispered despondently.

I shivered against the cool breeze as we walked back towards the Volvo. Edward shrugged off his expensive looking, black leather jacket. I opened my mouth to object, but he looked at me pointedly and said, "Stop being stubborn, Bella and take the jacket." Without waiting for a reply, he draped it over my shoulders, being careful not to touch me.

"Thanks," I murmured, appreciating the fact that he didn't want to make me uncomfortable. The sleeves of the jacket were much too long for my arms, so I rolled them up.

Edward held the passenger door open, when we'd reached the car, and closed it behind me when I'd climbed in. I pondered over his good manners as he slid into his seat. You only ever hear of boys with such proper etiquette in books or movies.

"I have to get my truck back from the hospital," I reminded him as he started the car and pulled out of it's parking spot.

Edward nodded. "Okay."

We spent most of the drive in silence. It wasn't until we were nearing the hospital- the familiar, barren streets swiping by at an incredible speed- that Edward spoke, giving me a sideways glance. "Bella, I'm glad you let me take you to Port Angeles, today."

"I didn't really have much of a choice," I muttered.

Smirking, Edward turned into the parking lot of the hospital, where he pulled up next to my old truck. "Thank you for the trip, Edward. And for the breakfast."

"No problem, Bella. I'll see you in school."

Grabbing my bag and ipod, I slid out of Edward's Volvo, throwing a last wave over my shoulder with one hand and fishing my keys out of my pocket with the other. He didn't leave until he'd made sure that I had my keys and was safely inside my truck.

As I neared my father's house, I grabbed my phone from where I'd been neglecting it in my pocket. I hadn't been anticipating so many messages. Once I'd turned it on, it rung over and over again, with message after unread message. Most of them were from Renee, but there were also a few from Charlie and I had a feeling that when I arrived, I'd be in plenty of trouble. In Phoenix, I dissociated myself from all of my friends and I hardly ever went out, though I did take off a few times without telling Renee. She didn't get very angry, but I guess since I knew the area, she didn't have much to worry about. Here, in Forks though, an Alien State in which I roughly only knew how to get from Charlie's house, to school, to the hospital and back, she must have been uneasy knowing that I'd been out the whole day. And, no doubt she'd already spoken to Charlie and Charlie to Ruth. Oh yes, I was in for one stern talking to.

And I really wasn't in the mood.

I pulled into the driveway, behind Charlie's Cruiser and climbed, carefully out of my truck, keys and bag in hand. The lights were on in the kitchen and the living room, so I knew that everyone was awake. With a sigh, I ambled up the front steps. The door opened, before I'd gotten a chance to unlock it, Charlie stood glaring behind it.

He didn't say anything as I passed him and for a moment- as I made my way toward the stairs- I thought I was home free.

"Bella. Living room. Now." So we were past making complete sentences and down to single syllables. I walked begrudgingly into the living room and took a seat on the armchair, setting my bag down, beside me.

Ruth was there- of course- sitting on the sofa, her mouth curved into a smirk. Charlie took a seat beside her. "Who's jacket is that?"

The question had caught me off guard and I had to look down, before I realized that I was still wearing Edward's leather jacket. _Shit._

"A friend's." It felt odd to say that out loud. _A friend's. A friend. Can I consider him a friend?_

"What friend?" he asked.

"You wouldn't know him." He probably _did _know Edward Cullen. Being the Chief of Police in such a tiny town, he was bound to know everyone.

Charlie gritted his teeth. "Where have you been?"

"Out."

He was angrier than he was letting on. I could tell by his steely gaze and the red tint to his face and ears. "What were you doing?

"Buying books," I said, motioning towards the bag on the floor.

"Yes, but the whole day?" he demanded.

I shook my head, slowly.

"What else did you do?"

"I don't think you really need to know." I hadn't been doing anything bad. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone.

"Yes I do. Especially when you've been out since this morning. Your mother and I have been calling you. Why weren't you picking up your phone, Isabella?"

"Bad service." I shrugged.

"We weren't born yesterday, Isabella. Nothing gets passed us." I snorted, but he kept ranting,"We'll know if you're up to something. Your mother says that if you don't get you're act together, you'll be moving back to Phoenix. You aren't here to fool around. You're supposed to be making progress."

I got up and grabbed my bag. I didn't want to listen to his speech. "Everything gets passed you," I wanted to scream. "Every godforsaken problem, but the small ones."

As I neared the stairs, I felt a hand grip my shoulder and stiffened. I whirled around and shoved Charlie's arm away from me, sending a sharp pain shooting throughout my ribcage. "Don't touch me," I shouted. "I'm not a delinquent for you to interrogate. I don't have to explain myself to _anyone_."

I marched up the stairs- ignoring the need to hold my arm across my upper body- and hurried into my room, leaving a flabbergasted Charlie staring after me.

Without turning on the light, I slid down against the door, bringing my knees up to my chest, and banged my head against the door repeatedly, until my head was pounding and I was certain I'd have a large bump at the back of my head.

I sat there for a while. Thinking. _How could I have been so stupid? How could he have forgotten his own jacket? Dammit. Charlie's going to tell Renee. Of course he will. And then we'll have another argument. And, the cycle will keep repeating and repeating. When is this going to stop? Fuck, this really hurts._

Rubbing at my ribcage, I stood up and painstakingly changed into a pair of sweats and a holey tee-shirt. I draped Edward's leather jacket across my rocking chair and swallowed two Prozac. I climbed onto my bed with my ipod. I focused on my music; picking out the different instruments that were being used, trying to name the notes of the guitars as they were being played.

* * *

I couldn't sleep that night, or the night after that. I remained in my room on Sunday, trying to catch at least a sliver of shut eye. But, no matter how tired I was, or how badly I wanted to sleep, insomnia would not let the sweet unconsciousness take me under.

I thought about Charlie and Renee. My parents. About how they thought they could get everything under control. About how painfully blind they were.

I didn't dare think about my step-parents. No.

I thought about Edward. No one has ever taken such an interest in me. No one has ever been so persistent and irksome about wanting to be my friend.

I didn't understand why he chose to befriend me. Out of all of the girls he could have chosen, he had to pick the abnormal one. I still stand by what I told him, before. I probably wasn't the best choice.

I'm not a good friend for him. Or for anyone else, I guess. I don't want to hold him down. I don't want him to constantly worry. I don't want to be a burden on anybody else.

Friend's are supposed to help each other out, right? How can I possibly fix someone else, when I can't even keep myself together?

**(a/n) So, I know it wasn't too long, and I could have kept going, but I wanted to end it here. It was 3,490 words, not counting the author's notes.**

**Review? Please?**


	14. 14: Cold But I'm still here

**So, I'm back, after an incredibly long time. I know, I totally suck (hangs head in shame)**. **You can yell if you'd like, or rather, write in capital letters and end everything in exclamation marks. I deserve it.**

**TwiBiteLover06, your review kind of woke me up. Thanks.  
**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Twilight.**

**This chapter is titled after Cold (But I'm still here) by Evans Blue. It's kind of short but, better than nothing, right? Enjoy?**

Chapter 14: Cold (But I'm still here)

Bella's POV

It seemed to me that Monday took eons to arrive. I couldn't stand being locked in my room anymore and just when I thought I'd go insane, the alarm clock rang. I sighed, relieved and attempted to get out of bed, but tumbled to the floor in a mesh of sheets and limbs. "Ouch," I grumbled, untangling myself from the bedding.

I readied myself for another day at school with a purpose. For the first time in a long time, I was actually looking forward to something and as I drove to school, I glanced at the clock every couple of minutes, hoping that maybe time would speed up.

But, of course it didn't. Everything seemed to be set in slow motion; classes seemed to stretch on, the lectures seeming muted and agonizingly drawn out. My daily routine had reached an all-time low in it's tedium.

By the time I'd reached my truck for lunch, I was about ready to pull out my hair. I rifled through my backpack only to find that I'd left my ipod at Charlie's house. "Dammit," I muttered and banged my head against the steering wheel.

I heard a knock on the passenger-side window and looked up in surprise. Edward was standing outside the door.

"It's open," I mouthed and cleared my belongings off of the passenger seat.

"Hello, Bella," he greeted.

"Hey, Edward," I said, still surprised. "How'd you know where I was?"

"Lucky guess," he murmured vaguely and I nodded my head. "Do you always thump your head against the steering wheel, during lunch?" he asked, after a moment of silence.

I felt my cheeks redden. "I forgot my ipod at home, today."

"So, you thought you'd drum out a beat with your head?"

I chuckled and the sound was so foreign to my ears, that I raised a hand to my mouth in surprise.

I looked to Edward and his expression mirrored my own, before it broke into his brilliant, crooked grin.

"It'd be nice to hear you laugh, more often," he mused. "You always seem so blue."

I gave him a sad smile. _If only you knew_, I thought, shaking my head. "I…um, brought your jacket with me," I said, hoping for a change of subject. "I forgot to give it to you on Saturday. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Bella."

We were quiet for a while. I was still marveling over Edward's ability to bring a genuine laugh out of me.

I shifted in my seat and grimaced. "I start working, today."

He nodded. "I have no doubt that you'll do a great job." He paused. "Did you tell your parents?"

I shook my head, feeling like a child caught taking cookies from a cookie jar. "Not yet."

"Are you planning on telling them?" I only shrugged my shoulders. "You'll be coming home later that usual, won't your parents worry?"

"_Ruth_," I spat her name through gritted teeth. "Is not my parent." Just the thought of that woman being anyone's mother made me sick.

"You don't like her." It was more of a statement than a question.

I snorted. _Like? _Not in this lifetime, no.

"Can I ask why?" he sounded apprehensive, as if he was worried he'd upset me.

"I just…don't."

He nodded slowly, studying me from the corner of his eye, before changing the subject. "You look tired."

"I couldn't sleep," I said.

I'd tossed and turned and tried to drown out the sound of the rain pelting relentlessly against the house, with my music. My head ached and somehow, I'd managed to entangle myself with the sheets in my restlessness.

"Me neither." He smiled wryly and I got the distinct feeling that he was amused by an inside joke of some sort.

I cast a suspicious glance at him and shook my head, settling back against my seat. I frowned as I realized that I was becoming too comfortable with him. But, I quickly shook my head, dismissing those thoughts. It wouldn't do to get attached to him.

_One of us will just end up getting hurt._

"What is it, Bella?" Edward asked and I realized that he'd been watching me.

"Um-" the bell rang, thankfully, cutting me off before I could think of something to say.

We headed off towards class together, ignoring the shocked stares that we were receiving from most students and even some of the faculty. As we entered the room, everyone's heads snapped in our direction.

_Nosey idiots_, I thought as I took my seat.

Mr. Varner sent a monitor around the class to collect Friday's assignment and when Mike stopped at our table, Edward handed him his worksheet while I just shook my head, suddenly fascinated by my chipping, black nail polish.

"Bella, you haven't been doing any homework," Edward whispered, disapprovingly.

I only shrugged, shifting my gaze from my nails, to the teacher standing in front of the class. He was lecturing us about a lab we'd be doing, the next day,

Edward also stared ahead and I didn't fail to notice the way he no longer sat at the very edge of the desk, stiff as a board. No, now he seemed at ease, sitting closer but not enough to make me uncomfortable.

And at the end of the period, he didn't bolt away, but stayed to wait for me. "I'll walk you to gym," he said, loud enough for Mike- who'd been lingering at the doorway- to overhear. He stalked off, casting deadly glares over his shoulder, in Edward's direction.

"Thanks," I murmured as we started walking. Being the perfect gentleman he seemed to be, Edward grabbed my backpack and slung it over his shoulder, so that it overlapped his own.

We stopped outside of the girl's locker room. "Can I see your phone?"

Eyeing him suspiciously, I pulled the black cell phone from the pocket of my jeans and handed it over, vaguely noticing the surprised whispers from a few students.

I watched as his deft fingers worked over the keypad, dialing, typing, calling. _Who's he calling?_ Seconds later he pulled his own phone out, the little screen blinking, opened it, and started typing.

He smiled down at me and handed back my phone. "You have my cell and home phone numbers, Bella. If you ever need me, I'm only a phone call away."

I raised a wary brow and he murmured gravely, "I'm serious Bella. I don't care what time it is, if you ever need anything. Please call me. Can you promise me that?"

I nodded slowly and he handed me my backpack, wearing his trademark grin. "Thanks, Bella. Good luck today."

I walked into the locker room, idly wondering what had gotten into Edward Cullen.

I couldn't stop watching the clock again, during gym. I was counting down the minutes, until the bell rang and when it did, I was the first one into the locker room.

The drive to Port Angeles only took about half an hour and I was left with way too much time to myself. I didn't like thinking too much as I felt uneasy in my own head.

I pulled Valiant out of my bag, and settled back against my seat to start on the prologue;

_"For I shall learn from flower and leaf  
That color every drop they hold,  
To change the lifeless wine of grief  
To living gold.  
--SARA TEASDALE, "ALCHEMY"  
The tree woman choked on poison, the slow sap…"_

When it was finally time to get out, the main character had just made unusual new friends. I sighed, unwilling to pull away from my fictitious world. Why couldn't life be more like fairy tales, where mythical creatures existed, everything was exciting, and there was always a happy ending?

I gathered my things and started towards the cozy shop, but paused mid-step and looked around the nearly-empty street. A weird emotion coursed through me, for a moment. That odd feeling of unease that one gets, when they're being watched. But, that's silly, because I was the only one on that street…right?

I shook off the negative feeling, and continued on my path. As I opened the door, that same smell of pipe tobacco and books soothed me and I glanced around, to find Joe looking up from his perch behind the counter.

"Hey there, Bella!" He exclaimed, giving me that quasi-toothless grin of his.

"Hi, Joe," I said.

"Right on time, dear." He cocked his head. "Are ya okay?"

I nodded and walked up to the counter as he stood up. "I have all my paperwork."

"Good, good."

We spent the next half-hour going over paperwork and contemplating work schedules.

"I can't come in at 4:30 on Fridays," I informed my new boss. "I have appointments at the hospital."

He raised an inquisitive, grey brow, but didn't press for more information. "That's quite alright, Bella. What time can ya come in?"

"Would 5:30 be okay?" I asked.

The sessions ended an hour before that, but I wanted enough time to be able to compose myself, before heading to work. After all, I couldn't just show up in a state akin to the one that Edward found me in, last Friday. What would Joe think?

_Last Friday_. Could it really, only have been three days since our first real encounter? It seemed like longer. But, of course, the days always seemed to stretch on and blend together.

"That would work out just fine, Bella." He smiled, handing me the paper he'd been writing on. "What'd ya think?

_Work Schedule  
Monday-Thursday: 4:30pm-10:00pm  
Friday: 5:30pm-10:00pm  
Saturday: 9:00am-5:00pm_

"This is good" I said, grateful for such a busy schedule.

We were interrupted by a plump, middle-aged woman stepping up to the counter to pay for a book. "Hello, Mrs. Edison." Joe greeted the woman, motioning for me to step behind the counter. "See, this is how you work the register, Bella." He swiped the barcode on the back of the book over the scanner and the price appeared on the screen.

"That'll be $13.74." Mrs. Edison handed him 15 dollars and he typed a code into the register, which promptly opened as the screen displayed the amount of change that the woman was due. He picked out the change and handed it to her, along with the receipt, while I bagged her book.

"Have a nice day, Mrs. Edison." Joe said, before turning to me and smiling. "Good job, Bella."

I got the hang of the job fairly quickly, with much praise from Joe. He even let me turn on the radio that sat behind the register. It was just as I'd imagined; the work did take my mind off of my pitiful excuse for a life.

By closing time, I was organizing the counter and singing along to a golden oldie. I hadn't even realized that it was dark outside, until Joe came out of the _Employees Only_ room in the back, bundled up in a coat and scarf.

I donned my own jacket and turned off the radio.

"Good job today, Bella," Joe said as we exited his shop.

"Thank you," I murmured. "I like it here."

He nodded as he locked up, pleased by my answer. "I'll see you tomorrow, dear."

"Night Joe," I said as he walked away.

I sighed and looked around, feeling as uneasy as I had, before I'd entered the store. I scuttled into my truck and locked the door, just in case.

The roads were empty as I drove and though it was dark, I could have sworn I saw _something _dashing through the forest beside the road. "Creepy," I mumbled, shuddering.  
When I got to Charlie's house, they were waiting for me in the living room, _again_.

"Bella, it's a school night," Charlie raved as I stumbled through the door. "Where've you been?"

"Could you at least wait until I get my jacket off, before you start attacking me?" I grumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing," I said. It'd been a decent day and I didn't want to mess it up with an argument.

"Where were you?" he asked again.

"I got a job."

Charlie looked outraged and Ruth smirked. "Without asking us?"

I stared at him blankly. "…yeah."

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, rubbing soothing circles over his temples with his middle fingers. "Where?" he ground out.

"Port Angeles."

"Doing what?" I could tell he was beginning to lose his patience with me.

"Look, _Charlie_," I started. _Enough of this _Dad _thing. Where has he been all these years?_ "I got a job in a bookstore. I'm doing something productive with myself, so just…get off my back."

Charlie seemed taken aback at my outburst as did Ruth, who's eyes widened for a moment, before she smirked, looking mildly pleased.

I sighed, shaking my head. _Well, so much for no arguing_. Without waiting for a response, I turned on my heels and trekked up the stairs.

* * *

I yawned, roughly rubbing my eyes to rid myself of the drowsiness.

"You look like you never sleep," he said, sounding concerned.

I frowned and chanced a glance at my rearview mirror. My frown deepened and I looked away. I hadn't looked in the mirror lately and was regretting doing so, now.

My skin was unhealthily pallid and my cheeks were slightly sunken in. There were purple bruises under my eyes from lack of sleep.

I sighed and pressed my head against the steering wheel, closing my eyes. After a few moments of silence I said, "Meds have their side-effects."

I turned my head to the side, to look at Edward. He too looked as though he didn't sleep, but-_of course_-he wore his fatigue better than me. His expression was sad as I continued, as if my struggles pained him, too. "Insomnia is one of them." What I didn't mention is that I'd suffered with troubled slumber even before I was put on the Prozac. I was always afraid that he would come back for more.

"I was thinking about asking Carlisle for sleeping pills, on Friday."

I could tell he didn't like the idea of me going on more meds and it touched me that he cared.

"What could it hurt?" I went on. "Being so awake during the night…it's driving me crazy." It allows way too much time to think.

Edward's expression softened and there was understanding in his ocher eyes. "I guess it isn't such a bad idea."

We were silent for a couple of minutes, until he asked, "How was work?"

I smiled faintly and gave him a brief description of my first day.

"I'm glad you like the job." He paused. "But, don't you think it'll be difficult to balance work and school?"

I sat up, raising my chin indignantly. "I can do it," I grumbled. "I'll be perfectly-" yawn, "-fine."

He muttered something under his breath that I didn't quite catch. I glared, sticking my tongue out at him childishly.

"Very mature, Bella," he said, but grinned when I blew a raspberry.

We walked together to class and as we took our seats, I thought again, _Nosey idiots_.

At least, it was supposed to be a thought, but most of the back row heard me and quickly turned away. I looked at Edward and shrugged as Mr. Varner handed out the labs.

* * *

It was one of those dreams where you're falling and there's nothing to grab on to and you just know that there isn't going to be a trampoline waiting for you when you land. I wasn't scared, though. My arms and legs were spread out as if I was floating and my hair was blowing wildly about my face. The adrenaline was forcing the blood through my veins with an incredible urgency and my heart was beating so forcefully against my chest that I thought it's form would imprint itself onto my skin. This was the most alive I'd felt in years and I found that I was anxiously and almost giddily awaiting the impact. Time seemed to be moving _too _slow.

_Finally_, I thought, as I saw the ground approaching. I closed my eyes, expecting to feel every bone in my body shatter, but there was nothing. Only the sensation of someone's strong arms wrapping around my small frame.

I opened my eyes and saw Edward's concerned golden ones staring back at me…

**(A/N) I know, how dare I end this chapter in a cliff hanger? Such nerve...**


	15. 15: Whispers In the Dark

**I know! It's been over a year! I'm expecting an angry mob to show up at my door any minute :( I am soooo incredibly sorry for taking so long to update. I've had a very busy year. I've completed my first semester of college, however, and am free to do as I please...until I find a job, that is o_O**

**Disclaimer: As you all know, I am most certainly _not_ Stephenie Meyer and therefore do not own the Twilight series.  
**

**This chapter is named after Whispers In the Dark by Skillet.**

**I'll be switching POV's around in this chapter. Soooo, without further ado, here is the next installment of my story. Enjoy?**

Chapter 15: Whispers In the Dark

Edward's POV

I was enjoying the time we spent together. More than I should have been. I couldn't help it though. There was just something about her. Something special and the more time we spent together the more I grew to like her. To _care _for her. It was odd for me, seeing as how the last humans I had cared about were my parents and that had been such a long time ago. But, Bella...she was just something else.

Unfortunately though, the more I grew to like Bella, the more worried about her I became. There was still so much that I had yet to learn about her and the fact that I couldn't enter her mind was driving me crazier than ever. How was I to help her when I didn't know anything but the basics about her?

I loved that she seemed a bit more accepting of me now, but the little things she told me here and there...it wasn't enough. She was an enigma. Always so vague and ambiguous...making sure her answers never revealed too much about her.

I knew that in time she'd become more comfortable with me. In time I'd be able to prove to her just how trustworthy I could be. I just had to be patient. And after having lived for over a century, I'd learned a thing or two about patience. But, I couldn't rid the feeling of anxiety that I'd get, the impatience. With Bella's instability, waiting just didn't seem to be an option.

She was losing weight rapidly, and though I understood now that it wasn't due to any eating disorders, I also understood that it was no less serious a problem. The self-harm, the circles under her eyes from all the sleepless nights...all signs that Isabella Swan was not doing okay.

So, I'd taken to watching her.

The first time was on Bella's first day of work. I'd left the Volvo to my siblings after school and took off after her old truck on foot. I realized, though, as she climbed out of the jalopy, that though she appears to be in a world of her own, Bella Swan is a very perceptive person.

The streets were deserted around the old book shop and I hid in an alley, a few stores down. I watched as she seemed to notice that something was off. She glanced around and, having found nothing out of the ordinary, continued into her new workplace.

I waited around for her to finish and ran alongside her truck in the forest, as she drove back home. It wasn't until the night after, though, that I decided to enter her room.

She was asleep when I arrived, I could hear her deep, even breathing from outside along with the way she'd shuffle about every few minutes. I wasn't prepared, though, for how concentrated her smell would be in that small room of hers. It hit me like a smack in the face and I felt my mouth fill with venom at her enticing scent.

After I'd gathered my bearings, I took a look around her room. It struck me, how _un_-Bella this room seemed to be. There was nothing specifically remarkable about it and the only things linking the girl to her room was her mouth-watering scent and the few belongings she'd left laying around. I spotted her guitar and skate board in a corner of her room and was making my way towards them when the shiny object on her dresser caught my eye.

It was a razor blade, crusted blood ran along the sharp edges and I knew that this was her weapon of choice. It was what she used in order to mutilate her beautiful skin. It made me immensely sad to see it because now the self-harm was definitely real. Now there was evidence to prove it.

I picked it up and sat down at her rocking chair, staring down at it for an indefinite amount of time. It seemed to be taunting me, the opening at the center of the blade a sinister smile, the dried blood around the edges...it was the mouth of a monster. The mouth of a vampire.

It shook me and reminded me exactly what I was. What I _am_. A monster. A vampire. A blood-sucking fiend...exactly like that razor blade...

I guess I needed the reminder because I'd never felt so human as I did when I was with Bella. I'd forget the century of blood and death. Forget the monstrous things I'd done. I'd forget that Bella was not the only person keeping a secret.

Before I got the chance to deliberate any further on the subject, I heard the sounds of Bella coming to. I got up and placed the blade back on her dresser, though I wanted nothing more than to just destroy it, and walked over to her bed.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered, as I neared her. She seemed more peaceful than I'd ever seen her. Her glorious face wore a look of such pure serenity, it was hard not to touch it, but I refrained and just before she awoke, I jumped from her window. But, not before hearing two syllables escape her, in her sleep. Two syllables that warmed my cold, dead heart. Two syllables that brought upon my face a smile that would not fade until later that morning.

_Edward_

Bella's POV

I shot out of bed, wincing at the movement and surveyed the room, apprehensively. It was drafty and doused in dark shadows that shifted every few moments as the wind shook the tree outside my window. My open window, I realized, as I took in the sight of the yellow curtains, billowing away from the window frame. Funny, I thought I'd closed it before I went to bed…

I cocked my head to the side, listening for anything suspicious but, could hear nothing over the sound of the rain assailing Charlie's house and the creaking of the rocking chair as it swayed back and forth, probably from the draft.

After a couple of minutes just standing there, I shook my head, feeling foolish. I stumbled across the room to close the window and nearly slipped over the puddle of rainwater on the hardwood floor. The rain was coming down in sheets outside. I glanced back at the alarm clock-5:30am- and figured I should get ready for school. Maybe the rain would ebb as I dressed.

* * *

The rain didn't ebb. If anything, it only fell harder, pelting furiously over the landscape. It didn't help that I was distracted as I drove to school. I simply could not stop thinking about my dream…or was it a nightmare? I couldn't decide. I had felt so alive. So at peace with…with everything. I hadn't been scared. Not in the least. I knew I was going to die, but it didn't matter. Death would have been a welcome reprieve from this wasted life.

I tried to shake it off, but there was just something about that dream. Normally, I don't believe in omens, but this dream just seemed so realistic; the air rushing past me as my body dropped, the feel of Edward's arms around me.

_Edward_.

Why was he plaguing me? Why wouldn't he leave me alone. Even in my dreams, he was there. Why did he want to be friends with me?

I shook my head as I pulled into a parking spot and glanced around at the students as they ran away from the rain and into their respective classes. Pulling my hood over my head, I stepped out of the warm, dry cabin of my truck and into the cold wind and freezing rain surrounding it.

As I walked around my truck I glanced up at the sky defiantly, my face becoming drenched in mere seconds. In those seconds, I hated my life more than ever. In those seconds, I cursed everyone _in _my life. I cursed Renee for being so fucking oblivious to everything. I cursed Charlie for not being there. I cursed Ruth for beating me when I was already so damned low. I cursed _Phil_… _Phil _for making me this way. _Phil _for being the reason behind everything that had taken place in the past few years and _Phil _for fucking me up so profusely that I thought I'd never recover. I even cursed Edward. Edward for being so damned kind and caring towards me. For being my friend.

And in those seconds I heard the screech of tires fighting against the slippery pavement of the parking lot. I looked down in time to see the van speeding towards me. In time to smile because this is what my dream had foretold. In time to be happy because this is what I wanted. What I so longed for. My reprieve.

But, what did Edward have to do with this? Why had he been in my dream?

I felt eyes on me…the horror-filled eyes of everyone in the parking lot and I could tell that they were all thinking the same thing. She's going to die. It just made my grin all the wider. Until I saw Edward across the parking lot with the same horror masking his beautiful features.

I glanced back at the van, careening toward me, closed my eyes and counted down. _5, 4, 3, 2_...something hit me. And it _hurt_. I felt myself flying through the saturated air and landing in a heap on the pavement. I couldn't think…could only feel the intense pain all over my torso and spreading from the back of my head where I had connected with the pavement.

I groaned and attempted to open my eyes, but was blinded for a few seconds. I regained my vision only to see Edward through the stars that attempted to obscure him. He was hovering over me, looking extremely worried, but determined.

It was then that I realized that it was Edward who had connected with my body. Not the van. The wheels were still screeching, the sound perfectly echoing the pain shooting through my body.

In a movement that seemed much too fast, Edward was off of me and pulling my body away from the vehicle that seemed determined to claim a life. Then, he was kneeling over my legs, facing opposite me and actually _pushing _the van away. It jolted backwards for a moment before becoming completely immobile.

Edward turned back to me, looked me over and seemed to realize that there was something wrong. I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs. My breath was coming in short gasps. My ribcage was _burning_.

I hugged my arms around my torso and cussed. It was too much. The pain, the disappointment and the disbelief. I felt myself drift.

Edward's POV

She couldn't breathe. Her short gasps told me that much. I didn't think I had pushed her so forcefully, but she was in pain. Her expression was tortured as she fell unconscious.

"Bella!" I crawled over to her and gathered her into my arms. What was going on? Had I miscalculated the impact my body would have on her smaller one? She was so tiny after all. She looked so fragile in my arms. Her alabaster skin seemed more pallid than I'd ever seen it under the angry precipitation.

I glanced up as I heard the ambulance sirens. I rose with a still unconscious Bella in my arms and leaped over the blue van. Tyler Crowley's van. His mind was complete chaos, wracked with worries, pain and guilt. His face a bloodied mess. I felt a shock of anger course through me before I could help myself. Anger at Tyler. I knew it was wrong. It had been a complete mistake. The slippery pavement growing slicker by the second. He'd lost control of the vehicle. It could very well have happened to any human.

But for some reason the thought of Bella dying, the thought of losing her, it shook me to my very core. I couldn't let that happen. For a split second, as I saw the van careening towards her, my only thought was _not her. Not Bella._ What was it about this insignificant human girl that affected me so deeply? Why was it that I cared? I thought about all this as I hurried towards the nearest ambulance and, as I watched it drive off, I knew I would be missing school. I needed to go to the hospital. I needed to know she would be fine and I needed to hear it from Carlisle.

**(A/N) So, I know it wasn't the longest chappie in the world, but I felt this was the appropriate place to end it. Umm...review? I'd love to know what you all think.**


	16. 16: Outside

**Yes, she's back...again. I assure you, however, that the wait was worth it. Any attempts that I could have posted prematurely would have been complete and utter crap...and here's hoping that this chapter won't be either _ I tried really hard to make this chapter good, to do some justice to all the ideas running rampant through my mind. I know it's been a while, and I hope all of my loyal readers and reviewers haven't completely abandoned Broken Twilight because I sure haven't. I'm just as curious as you are to find out what happens.**

**By the way, I think it's pretty fucking amazing that we've reached almost 470 reviews what with my shitty updating. I love you all and I think you're all amazing. The reviews keep me going and inspire me to continue. You're amazing!**

**Disclaimer: You all know what I am going to say. _Obviously_ and unfortunately, I do not now, nor will I ever own the Twilight series, _nor _do I derive a profit from any fanfiction that I write. All I own is Ruth..._Jackpot, eh?_...sooo not.**

**Anyhows, this chappie is titled after the song Outside by Staind...Enjoy?**

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* * *

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**Chapter 16: Outside  
**

**Edward's POV**

I reached for Carlisle's mind as I pulled into a spot at the hospital parking lot. He had yet to see Bella. _Good_, I thought. I wanted to be there to listen to everything he had to say.

I stepped into the hospital just as he was reaching Bella's room. He greeted her, asked how she was doing and I had to chuckle because even in her pain-filled state, she still managed to come back with a sarcastic retort. I passed the receptionist's desk and followed Carlisle's mind to Bella's room.

I wanted to enter, but knew that I couldn't do that just yet, so I seated myself in a chair just outside the room and listened into their conversation. I could hear it perfectly from my spot outside her room, but still I remained tuned into Carlisle's mind. This way I'd be able to not only see Bella through his eyes, but I'd also know Carlisle's exact point of view on her situation.

"So, while we wait for the X-rays to come back, why don't you tell me exactly where it hurts?" he asked.

Bella was laying on her back, an arm wrapped around her upper body. She was taking short breaths, and though she appeared to be in a large amount of pain, I could tell that it wasn't all physical. She had this look in her eyes, this immense sadness. She seemed to be in even greater emotional pain, and for some reason, she looked greatly disappointed.

She sighed, looking away from Carlisle and gently stroked her ribcage, just below her breasts. Carlisle stood beside the bed, looking her over. His thoughts were worried, as a doctor's should be when they treat a patient like Bella. She looked so unhealthy and so incredibly lost, it was almost disturbing.

"Bella, I'm going to need you to lift your shirt up for me," he spoke gently, stepping closer to the bed she was laying on.

As he spoke, Bella got a horrified look on her face. She shook her head vehemently. "No." she said. "No…no."

Carlisle seemed a bit confused. It was standard procedure after all. "Bella, I just need to get a closer look at your injury…"

Bella just kept shaking her head. Her eyes were panicked, she seemed on the verge of tears as she just kept saying, "No."

Carlisle attempted to reach out to her in what was supposed to be a soothing gesture, but it only made the situation worse. He just barely brushed her shoulder and Bella nearly lost it. "Don't _touch _me!" she shouted, her tears spilling over the edge.

I stood up from my seat in a fluid movement and faced the door, pressing my palms against it. I didn't know whether or not I should go in. I knew she wasn't okay, but I didn't know if my presence in the room would make things better or worse.

Carlisle's thought's were utterly confused and worried. "Bella, _please_. Let me help you."

Bella glared up at him, infuriated. "You can't help me, _Carlisle_. You can't," she was shouting now. Panicking. Chest heaving. Her face contorted in pain and anger as he made another attempt to reach for her. "Just…get away from me. Don't touch me. _Don't_!"

He realized he wasn't helping any. That she wouldn't be giving in and cooperating any time soon and the lone thought that crossed his mind angered me to no end…probably because I knew it was the only way to help Bella, but fuck if it didn't make me want to barge into that room, right then and steal her away.

I sighed. Taking in deep, calming breaths, not because I needed them, but because I needed to reign my anger in as I saw Carlisle reach for the red button near Bella's bed and page a nurse.

Bella was too busy hyperventilating to notice what he'd just done, but once the nurse walked passed me and into the room, syringe in tow, her eyes widened to a size that would have been comical had the situation she was in not been so serious.

Her gaze darted back and forth between Carlisle and the nurse. Completely disbelieving and wholly betrayed as they finally landed on me standing in the doorway.

Her eyes narrowed. She was furious and I didn't know what hurt more; to witness her this upset, or to know that her anger was being directed at me.

Everyone seemed to stand still for a few seconds as Bella completely grasped the situation. Her eyes darted about the room a few more times, likely looking for an exit before she hastily jumped off the bed, landing bum-first on the floor.

She groaned, seeming to remember her pain at that moment, as she panted on the linoleum floor.

"Bella, _please_," Carlisle began, eyes pleading with her to just cooperate with him and make this all easier on herself. "We only want to help, but you're leaving us no choice."

"_No!_" she shouted, backing herself into the corner of the hospital bedroom. "Liar! You don't care. You don't want to help. You're just a _sick _bastard. You're all _sick!_" Bella spat the last word with such disdain, that I felt my long dormant heart clench in my chest.

What was wrong with her? Why was she reacting this way? "Bella-" I started, only to be cut off by her icy glare. It almost sent shivers down my spine, it was so cold.

"And _you_…"she trailed off, sneering at me in disgust. "Don't you _dare _speak to me. I knew it was only a matter of time," she chuckled, dryly. "I can't believe I thought you were my friend."

It hurt to have those words directed at me. That she felt I'd betrayed her, but the more worked up she became, the further it only served to prove that Carlisle had been correct in his decision.

Bella needed to be sedated before she managed to conflict even more damage unto herself.

And with those final thoughts, Carlisle and the nurse began to close in on her.

Being backed into that corner, however, seemed to push Bella over the edge and she began to scream. Blood curdling screeches that could have been heard throughout the entire hospital and which only served to draw more nurses into the room, as they prepared themselves for the fight that she was sure to put up.

Bella lashed out as the first nurse reached her, violently extending her left leg and connecting her boot-covered foot with the nurse's chin. The kick sent her hurtling to the floor in a state of shock as she rubbed at her tender jaw.

I felt so useless, just standing by that door and watching this all take place. I just…I didn't know what else I could do. How I could help Bella without further upsetting her.

I wanted to turn away from the scene, but my guilt forced me to stand there and watch as the other nurses started towards her in unison, their thoughts almost completely in sync as they figured the lot of them together would fair best against their crazed patient.

It was difficult to watch them each grab hold of a separate appendage and begin to half-carry, half-drag Bella's convulsing form back onto the hospital bed. It was even more difficult, however, to have to listen to Bella screaming bloody murder, shouting NO and other practically unintelligible swear words as they strapped her into the bed and held her still, clearing a space for Carlisle who stepped in with the syringe.

Bella seemed to realize by then that she'd been defeated, but refused to go down without a fight. Her body spasmed against the straps and hands that held her down and she looked me in the eye, utterly let down.

"I thought you were my friend!" she shouted. "Edward! You s-said you were my _friend!_" she was choking on her sobs as the syringe pierced her skin, injecting the sedative into her vein and the almost irresistible blood that ran beneath it.

"You fucking liar…" she wept, slightly calmer as that wondrous crimson liquid pumped the sedative through her system.

"You said you were my friend, Edward…you s-said you were…" she trailed off, her eyes fluttering shut and her panting steadying into deep, even breaths as she sunk into a deep, tranquilizer-induced, sleep.

I stepped up to her bed as the others backed away, shaking my head sadly and resting my hand at the foot of her bed. As close to her as I dared get, even in her insentient state. "I _am _your friend, Bella," I whispered, even though I knew she couldn't hear me. "I am, and I hope one day you'll see that this is all for your own good."

Standing there, looking down at Bella's unconscious form, I knew that my presence in the room had only served to make matters worse. I felt incredibly guilty because I just knew that I'd hurt her. That I'd miscalculated the power my body's impact would have on her much frailer form.

I felt like a _fucking monster _for putting her in this hospital bed and even more so for making her endure such a traumatic experience. I had a feeling however, by way of her reaction, that this hadn't been the most emotionally scarring incident she'd ever had to go through.

* * *

"what exactly is going on between you and Bella?" Carlisle asked a few seconds after the nurses had filed out of the room.

"I…" I sighed and shook my head, looking down at the subject of our conversation. "I'm in love her, Carlisle…I love Isabella Swan."

His face was a mask of sheer surprise, probably mirroring my own as I'd never even admitted my feelings for Bella to myself, let alone another member of my family. I suppose it was because I felt ashamed and guilty.

Ashamed because I'd fallen for a troubled human girl. One who didn't return my feelings or even cared much for me at all. And guilty because I was putting my family at risk by keeping such a close proximity to Bella, but fuck if I could help myself.

"Son-" he began, tone reprimanding, but I cut him off, looking up to him.

"I know, Carlisle." I sighed again and glanced back down at Bella. _My poor Bella_. I hated seeing her like this. She looked so fragile, laying on that bed. So pale, with deep bags beneath her eyes that made it seem as though she hadn't slept in weeks, though I knew she'd slept the night before and had apparently been dreaming of _me_.

The reminder, however, didn't ease my mind any.

Those restraints…they looked so tight on her. I moved to the side of her bed and began to undo them, hating to think that they'd bruise the beautiful, milky skin that lay beneath it.

"I know it's wrong and…and I know it's crazy," I began. "But, there's just something that draws me to her, that attracts me. It goes beyond the pull of her blood, and trust me, that pull alone is strong enough in itself. I just…"

I glanced back up at Carlisle after I'd finished undoing Bella's restraints. He was listening intently. "I can't help it. I've tried to fight it, truly I have but there's just something about her. Something that makes me want to know everything about her and help her in anyway that I can. To save her from whatever it is that's tearing her apart because I know it's something bad.

"There's something terribly wrong with her, Carlisle," I finished, contemplating Bella's still form with a wary brow. Pleading with him to understand.

Carlisle sighed, his thoughts amazed at the pull I felt towards this human. At how, after all my years of loneliness and insisting I was alright with myself, I could feel anything besides bloodlust and a mild curiosity for _this_ girl. It just…seemed so random.

"I know, Edward," he whispered, acceptance and sadness lacing his tone. "There's something terrible eating away at her, and God do I want to help her, but she's so secretive and reserved. She doesn't believe she can trust _anyone_ and I fear that what I've just done has only served, in her eyes, to further prove her assumption correct.

"I can only help her if she helps herself, but she refuses. She won't let anyone in. Bella's built walls so high and impenetrable around her heart, that she _herself_ is now incapable of escaping them." He raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. "It's something bad. I can tell by the way she withdraws into herself, covering everything with sarcasm and lies…son, I want to help her, but for the first time in my career, I have found myself truly stumped."

I could tell that Carlisle truly wanted to help her. That he wanted to see her problems solved almost as badly as I did. I honestly didn't know why I'd withheld the information from him in the first place, especially after finding out that he'd been seeing Bella.

I guess I'd just gotten so caught up in her. In getting to know her. Befriending her and helping, that I'd forgotten one of the few people that could actually help resided beneath my own roof. I'd taken Bella's problems and heaved them all upon my own shoulders. Made myself solely responsible for saving her.

It stopped now, though. "Carlisle," I began. "There are a few things you need to know about Bella."

* * *

I told him everything. Starting from the very beginning; her first day at school. I went into detail about my blood lust for her, about how the scent coming off her wrists in waves was almost completely overpowering. I told him about witnessing her running from the main office in tears.

His thoughts were wholly intrigued as I continued, absorbing all the information I had to give like a sponge.

"I found out that there was something truly wrong with her the day I came back from Denali." I told him. I described the incident with her keys and what happened when we'd all stepped out of my Volvo.

"Jasper doubled over in pain when he reached her. He was pleading with her to make it stop, but she just stared in utter confusion. Once she'd left us he was able to regain his composure." I paused and shook my head, still completely perplexed by what had happened. "He said he'd never felt such pain coming off a human. He felt such anguish and despair he wanted to curl into himself, hug his torso to hold himself together, something that I've witnessed Bella do countless times."

"Interesting…" his thoughts were speeding through his mind at an incredible speed, trying desperately to solve the enigma that is Bella Swan. "You know, her symptoms are seeming more and more to me like PTSD, rather than Major Depression."

Carlisle glanced up at me, anxious for more information and I willingly obliged, knowing that he was onto something, but would hide his thoughts as best he could until he came to a solid conclusion.

I continued on to tell him about how she'd trudged about the school for the next few days after the incident, looking and acting much like a zombie. "She was there…and she wasn't" I said. "It was as if she was simply going through the motions. Doing everything almost mechanically. There was no sign of life in her beautiful eyes until that Friday…"

I trailed off as his interest piqued at my final statement. I looked down on Bella sadly, lovingly and back up at Carlisle. Determined.

I refused to feel ashamed or embarrassed about my feelings for Bella. Even if she'd never be able to return them. It was what it was and I didn't see my emotions towards this little angel changing any time soon.

So, I went on. I told him about the rumors floating around the school about Bella, but made sure to say that she'd set me straight and that I honestly didn't believe a single word of the gossip at Forks High.

I described the way she'd darted from the classroom after finishing the poem. About how I'd followed her to the bathroom, her belongings in tow, and listened to the sobs that racked her body and the look on her face when she'd come out of that bathroom. How it was similar to watching Alice have a vision, except she seemed to be remembering something disturbing.

"I don't know," I said, shaking my head for what seemed to be the umpteenth time since I'd entered Bella's hospital room, not having budged from my spot at the side of her bed. "She just seemed so conflicted. She didn't even bother to go to her final class and I honestly couldn't blame her because, she definitely didn't look well enough to attend gym."

I continued on, telling Carlisle about the state I'd found her in outside of the hospital after their appointment. "She couldn't seem to breathe and I made the mistake of…well, I guess I should have informed you as well, especially before you saw Bella today, about her aversion to physical contact…" I paused, trying to get my bearings and raked my fingers through my hair.

"She seems to hate being touched. It makes her…anxious, I guess. It drives her over the edge. I made the mistake of touching her a few times, thinking I was helping and she broke down right there under the rain.

"I had to take her home…that day was the first real contact I had with her." The memories were replaying themselves in my mind like a movie reel. "She seemed so disinclined to accept my help. She didn't want it, but I refused to let her drive home in her state and she didn't want to go back into the hospital…

"Anyway, as I was driving home after dropping her off," I continued, looking into Carlisle's eyes quite intensely, trying to relay the severity of what I was about to tell him, through that single look.

"A thought hit me. I realized why her scent was so concentrated at her arms and I went into your study to do some research. I-" I took a deep breath. "Carlisle…Bella cuts herself."

Carlisle paced back and forth about the room for a minute. "Is that it?" he asked.

"Pretty much…there's a few other things." I started.

"She seems to dislike her parents. Or resent them, at the very least. She got a job because she doesn't like having to depend on them. Said she doesn't want to burden them. It seemed odd to me, because what sixteen year-old really worries about that kind of thing?" I paused for a second, mulling the information over.

"I don't know, but from the way she spoke about them, it just seemed they'd let her down one too many times…and honestly, when it comes to Bella, I wouldn't doubt that for a second. There might be something going on with her family that she's trying to hide."

I ended my report with other things that I'd noticed here and there. That she'd forget to eat and had trouble sleeping. How she has a guitar she hasn't touched in what seems like ages and a skateboard as well. That she has a beautiful voice, but doesn't seem inclined to share it with anyone. _Anyone but me_.

"I think she might be a very gifted person, but she's just so overcome by her troubles that she can't reign in her talents, you know? Put them to good use. I think she mostly just wallows," I stated, sadly. "She rarely laughs or even smiles and she told me she didn't think she was a good friend for me. I remember almost laughing because here she was, seriously telling _me_ the _vampire_. That she wouldn't be good for me."

I sighed and shook my head down at her. "God, Carlisle, it seems like I've known her so much longer than just barely two weeks."

His mind was spinning off in dozens of different directions and I didn't know which to follow. Which held the answers and it was clear that he wanted to keep it that way for a while. "Carlisle, please. What is it? We _have_ to help her."

"I know, son…but I'm merely speculating right now and I need to examine every possible lead before coming to a secure conclusion. I just need to think everything through, and having you in my head while I'm doing so won't help any…" he trailed off apologetically.

I attempted to protest, but he cut me off. "Edward, I _know_ you're worried about Bella and we _are_ going to help her, trust me. But right now you have to leave the room. I am going to examine Bella and run some tests and I apologize, but you can't be in the room while I conduct them."

Carlisle sighed at my crestfallen expression. "You said Bella's gotten a job, right? Why don't you call her manager and relay the day's events. Let him or her know she won't be coming in today. And, while you're at it, you can check on the Chief's whereabouts. Make sure he's been informed and try to figure out why he hasn't paid his daughter a visit yet."

I knew he was just trying to keep me busy, but at the moment his efforts were much appreciated. I knew nothing would keep my mind off of Bella, but it'd be easier to have something to do while I waited for Carlisle to run his tests.

I took one last, long look at Bella and nodded in Carlisle's direction.

As I turned to leave Bella's hospital room, I knew we were in for an incredibly long day and I couldn't shake the sinking feeling that had settled deep into my gut.

Call me Alice, but I just _knew_ something bad was coming…but whatever it was, I'd fight it. _We'd_ fight it and I'd be damned (even more so than I was already) if we wouldn't be bringing Bella with us into the clash.

I vowed to myself then, that I'd climb those soaring, impenetrable walls she'd built and I'd reach her. I'd reach her heart no matter what it took. I'd do it. I'd save her.

* * *

**Okay, guys...what did you think? Is it awesome, crappy? Please let me know what you think. I find myself feeling a bit unsure picking up this story after all these months. Review?**

**So, this chapter is the beginning of a bumpy ride with our poor Bella...her secrets will be threatened, maybe even revealed...how will she react after she awakens from the sedation and how will she cope? When will the rest of the Cullen family make a more permanent appearance? What will happen when Bells has to return to Phoenix during the Holidays? And what the hell is Carlisle thinking? I'm intrigued...are you? I might even throw you guys a little curve ball, just to shake things up a bit, who knows? **

**Guess you'll find out over the next few chapters. I promise not to disappear for a year this time! I'm really getting back into this story and I want to see it resolved, otherwise it'll forever eat away at me! REVIEW!  
**


	17. 17: A World So Cold

**Hey, guys...yeah, I know...how surprising that I didn't wait another year before updating, eh?**

**Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it? Ugh, fine! I don't own Twilight, at all. Stephenie Meyer does and I make no profit from writing this fanfiction. There...happy?**

**Well, without further ado, here is the latest installment of Broken Twilight, titled after A World So Cold by Mudvayne. Enjoy?**

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**Chapter 17- A World So Cold  
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**Carlisle's POV**

I'd seen this before. I couldn't shake the utter feeling of déjà vu as I looked over my latest patient because..._I've seen this before_.

I tried not to appear as horrified as I felt while I looked over Bella's torso, which was bare save for the hospital gown riding up and covering her chest, but was completely unsuccessful.

I'd looked over her X-rays a few prior to my observation, as I waited for the nurses to change her out of her casual clothes.

She had a broken rib, but it wasn't clear how exactly it had happened. I was sure Edward hadn't hit her with enough force to break a bone. He was more controlled than that, but looking down at Bella's body...well, the X-rays hadn't exactly prepared me for this.

She was bruised and scarred all over. Some of the bruises seemed to be weeks old and healing, others seemed more recent and I could _just _spot the contusion Edward's body had left, only just turning an ugly shade of blue-green.

_Edward_, I thought. _I know you're listening_..._son, please don't beat yourself up about this._

Bella's rib may have been cracked before and the force of his body may have only served to further damage it.

It wasn't the broken rib that worried me, however. The bone would heal in due time...no, it was the way in which she'd initially fractured it that wracked my mind with concern because looking down at Bella-at her battered body- it was easy to conclude that she'd been abused.

I didn't want to jump to that conclusion, though. Not just yet because it was a damning verdict. For _everyone _involved with her. I wanted to explore every possibility. Every explanation, before I came to a final conclusion.

But, I knew what I had to do. I had to tell her parents about her state of mind and my speculation as to how she got there, no matter how upset it would make Bella and no matter how much it would set us back.

I'd seen this before and I just couldn't shake the memories coming to the forefront of my mind.

_I was working the graveyard shift at a hospital in New York maybe twenty or so years ago._

_I remember hearing one of the nurses page me over the loud speaker, beckoning me to the ER._

_When I pulled back my designated curtain, I was met with the sight of a bloodied, teenaged girl, sobbing into her hands._

**Edward's POV**

I was seething. Completely and utterly irate as I dug through the mess of memories and speculation that was Carlisle's mind.

He'd told me not to pry. Told me to stay out of his mind while he sorted through his thoughts and now I understood why he didn't want me listening in as he thought everything over. He'd known his speculations would render me a simmering wreck.

I was pacing back and forth just outside of Bella's hospital room, only just having had a nurse call the seemingly ignorant Charlie Swan down to the hospital.

As juvenile an urge as it may have been, I had the overwhelming desire to put my fist through the wall, but only narrowly refrained from doing so. Pausing my fist a centimeter away from its destination before it broke through and left a huge crater in its wake.

Searching through Carlisle's mind, well I'd been reminded of that exact day, all those years ago. He'd come home a right mess, rushing straight into his study and locking himself in until it was time to make his next appearance at the New York Presbyterian Hospital.

His mind had been distraught over the next few days, and- through my gift- I'd been privy to the exact reason why.

Being a doctor, Carlisle was prone to coming home depressed every once in a while. It was one of the things that made Carlisle who he was. The fact that he'd get so worked up when he saw something upsetting at the hospital. The fact that he couldn't believe people could do such harm to one another- even after existing amongst them for over three hundred years. It made him almost human.

This patient, however, had been different. This patient had been abused multiple times. Raped. Carlisle could hardly stand it.

This girl had no identification, she'd given the hospital a false name and absolutely refused to tell them who'd done her so wrong. She'd just wanted to be treated and released.

It hadn't been as simple as that, however. After all, she'd been a minor at the time. By law, the police had to be called.

The girl, well...she hadn't been able to hold back once the NYPD arrived. After hours of interrogation, she'd cracked. She told them who she was and where they could find her family, but still she refused to relinquish the name of her tormentor.

The connection Carlisle made between these two cases wasn't due to their reactions, however, for his patient hadn't thrown a fit. She hadn't needed to be sedated. In fact, she'd been quite calm, if a little withdrawn. Fairly helpful with everything except giving names and pointing fingers.

The connection he made was in their eyes. Two completely different sets of eyes with the same exact expression. Hopeless, anguished, so incredibly lost. It was as if they'd had all the joy and life wiped clear of their expressions, only to be replaced with this raw, all-encompassing pain. The connection was in the eyes...and the bruises that marred both of these girls' bodies. And we were both kicking ourselves for not having seen it sooner.

Looking at Bella's body through Carlisle's eyes sent a shiver down my spine, a growl rumbling in the pit of my stomach and set my whole body shaking.

It sickened me to think that somebody had done this to _my_ Bella. That someone would dare hurt a girl so sweet and innocent. And the thought of what had happened to that girl so many years before...to Rachel.

_Oh, GOD. _

I hadn't prayed in decades. I forsook all religion, every deity when I was turned. My belief in the utter soullessness of my kind robbed me of any faith I may have had as a human. But, right now...as I watched Carlisle examine my Bella, as I watched him turn her arm over and take note of the single word etched into the milky skin of her forearm, just above one of her wristbands, I sent a prayer to every God and Goddess out there. Hoping beyond all hope that they'd listen to this demon's supplication and that they'd help the Angel for which he prayed.

I ran five wary fingers through my hair as I remembered how Rachel's case ended. After her refusal to speak and her mother's complete ignorance to her troubles. Well, needless to say the bastard would never fuck with her again, not because he'd been arrested but because Rachel was found dead a week after her release...her tormentor never to be identified.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

I awoke to a room with plain, white walls and the unpleasant scent of antiseptic. I shook my head from side to side as everything came back to me and realized that, for the first time since Ruth had beaten me, my ribcage wasn't absolutely killing me.

What _was_ positively crushing me, however, threatening to put a stopper to my breathing, was the overwhelming humilationand anger that I felt towards myself at the way I'd acted.

I'd completely freaked out. Lost control and fuck if I don't abhor losing myself like that, _especially_ with a crowd of curious onlookers standing no less than a few feet away from me.

I tried to shake it off, make myself numb as I heard a rustling coming from the corner of the hospital room. I sat up slowly, carefully and let my eyes fall upon Charlie.

He was hunched over in a lone chair at the corner of the room, elbows resting on his knees, chin propped up on his fists, staring intently at me. His eyes utterly wary.

"Bells!" he let out a deep breath and stood from his seat, walking over to me and stopping at the foot of my bed. "Honey, I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner. The school tried to reach me at the house and Ruth couldn't get a hold of me. Finally the hospital called the station, just when they were sending some of my guys over here to speak to Tyler."

I stared him down, quite balefully in fact, knowing that Ruth probably hadn't even bothered to try to reach him at work...thinking that he could have been here sooner, somehow. Not that I cared, of course. I'd taken care of myself for years and I wasn't about to start relying on someone to watch over me...especially _not_ one of my parents.

"Bell..." he started, voice becoming infinitely softer, hesitant as though he were broaching a topic of conversation that would prove unpleasant. "I know...I-I mean they told me. You know? About the bruises? And the-the, uh, the cutting and...they had to sedate you, Bells?"

I stared at my father blankly for a full minute, probably seeming at a complete loss as to what he was talking about.

And I _was _for a few seconds, but afterward...for those remaining fifty-four seconds, (which I could just barely hear ticking away on the clock somewhere in that room) I guess I was just trying to wrap my head around what he'd just said. All the implications in his voice. The ramifications that would inevitably follow the exposé of a couple of my most closely guarded secrets.

_Fuck. My. Life_. Was all I could really think at the moment. _And how exactly do they_...

My thoughts trailed off, as I finally realized how exposed I was. My back, my arms...I was in a fucking _hospital gown? _

I took a deep breath, trying so damn hard to reign in my anger as my mind flashed back to the way the nurses had strapped me to the bed and held me down while Carlisle stuck that needle in my arm, back to how Edward had just stood by and watched.

To what could have been done to my body, when I was in _such _a vulnerable fucking position. And to what already had been.

My body shuddered, unconsciously and I could feel that familiar feeling welling up inside of me. Those memories threatening to overcome me. And I could just remember the many times that that _bastard_ had forced himself on me while I was asleep. I could feel the bile rising up from my gut and that lump taking its seemingly ever-present place in my throat. The tears glossing my eyes, a few moments away from welling up and falling over.

And I looked up at Charlie, who was staring despondently down at my exposed arm and the word marring the skin of it.

I fucking glared. How dare he? How dare _they?_

I glared the sharpest, pointiest, most pain-inducing daggers at my father until he finally glanced up at me, into my eyes, and realized how incredibly irate I was. And just as he opened his mouth to speak, I cut him off, completely uncaring about the words that I could just barely see forming at the tip of his tongue.

I let my voice travel over to him. A deathly whisper as my eyes further narrowed at the look on his face. The shock and puzzlement. "Get out."

"Bella, I think we need to-"

"Get _out_, Charlie! Now!" I never thought I'd see my father so afraid as he nodded almost imperceptibly and backed away from my hospital bed, opening his mouth just as he reached the door, but I wouldn't have it and I _wouldn't _feel bad. "_Out!_"

Once he'd left the room, I let my breathing become shallow as it was wont to do, let the tears escape my eyes and the memories flash in my mind like a movie reel.

I buried my face in my hands, hair falling about me like a curtain. Shielding me. I gulped over that lump in my throat that felt more like a football than anything else and heaved a ragged sigh because I couldn't anymore. I just couldn't fucking do this. I tried so hard..._so hard_ to just hide _everything, _only to see all my hard work soar out the window in a matter of hours because Tyler _fucking_ Crowley couldn't control the _fucking_ wheel of his _fucking_ car.

_Fuck!_

What the _hell _was I supposed to do now? I felt so exposed, and it wasn't just the cool air escaping the hospital vents, ghosting over the skin of my back where the gown opened up. I really couldn't handle this. It was too much for me. My breathing was growing increasingly ragged and my head was spinning off in all sorts of directions and I just couldn't bare the thought of _everyone __knowing_.

_Fuck! Fuck! FUCK! I can't do this. I can't. I CAN'T!_

"I have to-" I whispered to myself. "I need..."

My eyes fell upon my back pack sitting on the floor across the room from me and I mentally rejoiced as I stood up from the bed on wobbly legs. I glanced down at the needle in the crook of my arm and the IV lines that connected it to the bag. It was a pain killer and I shuddered as I yanked, freeing it from my vein. No wonder the pain had ebbed.

Ignoring the blood and the slight throb in my arm, I reached my bag and tore through it until I found my trusty metal lover. I gripped it in my palm, eyes falling shut as the edges dug into my skin, and retreated to the private bathroom.

Once inside, I let my legs collapse beneath me and settled on the white, tiled floor. There was a knock at my door, once I'd removed my wristband and poised the blade over the damaged skin of my wrist.

"Bella?" Came Edward's worried voice.

Another flash of rage shot through my body, searing. Starting from my toes and bubbling up and over my head at the sound of his voice and the _audacity _he had...just waltzing into my hospital room after the days events like everything was just o-fucking-kay.

"Go. Away." I spat, bringing the blade down and attacking the skin of my right wrist. I groaned lowly as I felt the pain, the pleasure of simply opening up my skin and letting my blood flow over my arm and onto the floor, along with all my sins and the sins of others that had been thrust upon me.

"Bella," his voice was so pained I almost stopped. Almost. "Bella, _please_. Please don't do this. _Please don't hurt yourself_."

I went on as he pleaded. Couldn't be bothered to stop.

"_Too late_," I muttered beneath my breath as I stared down at my handy-work.

I could hear Edward struggling with the door and I slid my wristband over my bloody wrist. "Edward, _leave!_" I almost shouted.

Growing angrier, I started on the inside of my ankle and when the door suddenly burst open, I had a simple little sentence etched onto my skin.

_I HATE YOU_.

It was a sentiment intended for everyone who I felt had wronged me and I looked up to see one of the subjects of my newest injury completely frozen at the door.

It seemed he wasn't breathing and his _eyes_...his usually beautiful, ocher eyes were black as night as he glared down at me. The look in his eyes was almost animalistic as he took me in.

It was the same expression he'd worn on my first day at Forks High and it was absolutely frightening. I dropped the bloody blade, as though I'd been burned, and backed myself into a corner for the second time that day.

My movement seem to bring him back to reality because his eyes re-focused and he turned his head back into the room to take a deep inhale, before he finally stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind his back.

* * *

Edward and I stared at one another for what seemed like hours but really couldn't have been more than a minute. I was trying to figure him out because I wanted to fear him, hell my mind was screaming at me to feel _some_ sort of alarm but I just couldn't bring myself to be truly scared of Edward. The only person who'd shown me any sort of consideration in years.

Still, I remained in my corner of the bathroom because I could never be to careful. I mightn't have been scared, but I was still very wary.

Edward looked deeply conflicted as he stepped a little closer and sank to the floor with his legs crossed, coincidentally ending up right next to a small puddle of blood. My blood.

He inhaled and shivered, touching the tips of his fingers to the puddle and bringing his hand back up to his face, examining the crimson liquid, smelling it...for a moment I almost thought he'd taste it, but instead he just lowered his hand and rubbed his thumb back and forth over his fingertips, spreading the blood almost thoughtfully.

Finally he looked up, eyes like charcoal seeming to pierce through me. I looked away, ashamed.

It was then that I remembered that I had nothing on but the hospital gown. I gathered the cloth about myself, feeling incredibly uncomfortable and revealed.

"You know," I whispered. It was more of a statement than a question. I could tell by the way he looked at me. The sympathy, the _pity_. I felt my face flush in embarrassment.

"Yes," he whispered regretfully. "Bella-"

"How much do you know, Edward?" I bit off, looking back up to see him glancing from my bloodied hands, to my bloodied wrist, to my bloodied leg and finally, my bloodied razor blade.

Edward sighed. His eyes falling shut as he ran his clean fingers through his hair, looking immensely concentrated. When he met my eyes again, the expression he wore was heartbreaking. "I, um...I've known about that-" he motioned towards the blade. "For a few days, Bella. Since the day that I drove you home from the hospital. I just-" he cut himself off and sighed.

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, so I didn't mention it...I've been trying to find a way to bring it up. I _really_ want to help you, Bel-"

I held my hand up, cutting him off mid-sentence as I tried to gather my wits about me. _He'd known since then?_ I was taking deep, even breaths, looking up at the ceiling as if searching for an obscured answer.

_How can this be?_ How could it be that that which I had devoted so much time to...so much effort- creating a facade, fabricating stories, indifference- how could it be that it was _all_ falling apart before my very eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop it...to-to fix it, to make it right again? How could it be?

I emitted a little sound of despair, somewhere between a strangled sigh and a little sob. My eyes were filling with tears, yet again and I felt my lungs had quit on me.

I was gasping for breath and Edward made a move to reach for me before thinking otherwise. He let his hand, the one with the bloody fingers, drop to his lap.

"Bella," he whispered. "Bella, please calm down...its not so bad-"

My glare cut him off, with all its fiery rage and I made a short, hissing sound when he stopped short.

"Not so bad?" I chuckled derisively and shook my head, running a bloody hand through my hair. "Tell me. What else do you know that's _not so bad_?"

"I didn't mean it like that. I mean, it's not-" I heard a rumbling from him. Something that sounded eerily like a growl.

I could tell he was frustrated and I knew he hadn't meant it that way. I cocked an eyebrow and told him so.

"I also know about the bruises," he said after a silent moment, voice solemn. "Who did this to you, Bella?"

"_I _did," I stated nonchalantly, slipping back into my prefered role. Disinterested, unconcerned, shrugging as I reached for the blade. I tossed it up and caught the cool metal in my hand, watching Edward flinch at the contact.

"I meant the bruises, Bella," he was frustrated, but not with me this time. He was frustrated with himself for some reason I couldn't fathom.

"_I_ did." _Fuck this is going to sound so stupid._ "Listen...I'm clumsy. Like, _reeaalllyy_ clumsy." I shrugged dispassionately, knowing this must have been _the_ most unconvincing lie I'd ever told, however, it was all I had so I went on as confidently as I could.

"I tripped down the stairs about a week ago. I knew there was something wrong, but I was too embarrassed to say anything...I thought the pain would go away on its own..." I trailed off, waving a hand dismissively and hoping that I'd made my voice as even and reasonable as I could. Hoping that I'd been believable.

"I don't believe you," he said, resolutely.

_Dammit!_

"Tough," I said, still completely aloof. "It's what happened."

"Then why is it that some of those bruises are weeks old, almost healed?"

"Like I- hang on, how did you even know about that?" I couldn't believe it had only just occurred to me. "Did Carlisle tell you?"

He could see me growing upset and he shook his head, vehemntly. "No-"

"Then how, Edward? How could you possibly know about this? It's private-" and then I gasped as something else hit me. I stood up on shaky legs, Edward's obsidian eyes fallowing my every move. "Did you _see_ me?"

Edward stood up now too, towering over me, eyes apologetic. "Bella-"

"No. Don't _Bella_ me. How dare you?" My breathing was growing ragged again and I could feel my face go red with all the anger I was feeling. All of the pressure from the days events. This was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

"How _dare _you invade my privacy like that? Do you have any idea how fucked up that is? My life is just that, Edward, _my _life. You have no business sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!"

I couldn't help it. I slapped him. His skin was cool. Hard like marble and my hand stung where it had connected with his face. He barely even budged. There was no red hand-print, but it didn't matter because the pain I'd been trying to inflict was present in his eyes.

"Bella, _please,_" he pleaded and just as I raised my other hand to deliver a harder blow, his hand came up and wrapped around my wrist, effectively cutting off my abuse.

I flinched at his touch, but before I could even retract my arm, Edward had let me go and was standing at the other end of the bathroom, his back to me.

"Bella," he started, his voice a little hesitant. "There's something you need to know...about me. It'll explain everything."

And I was instantly brought back to the accident this morning, back to how he'd been across the parking lot when I'd first noticed the van veering towards me, and back to how he seemed to have stopped it with just _one hand_.

I looked up to him as he turned to face me, my eyes flashing with distrust and a more than mild curiosity. "Tell me."

Edward let out a deep breath and took a step forward. "I'm a vampire, Bella."

* * *

**Soo? Don't just sit there! Tell me what you think! I didn't get much of a response on the last chapter and I'm very curious as to how you guys think the story is developing. Please, Please Review!**


	18. 18: The Last Night

**Hey, everyone! I know it's been a long time, and I know I say this every time, but I truly am sorry for my extended absence. My job and college work completely took over my life this semester and I was finding it difficult to focus on my writing with all the other work that was constantly piled on me =/ Thankfully, however, the spring semester is finally over and I no longer have to worry about getting my school work done...until the fall, that is.**

**Anyways, what I'm trying to say is...I know that I've been writing Broken Twilight for an incredibly long time, years really...but I do NOT intend to give up on it. I have again begun to appreciate this story as I hope you all do too and I am eager to finish it, as I have it all planned out in my head for the most part.**

**I am currently working on two other stories, as well...but I would like to make Broken Twilight my priority this summer. I really want to see this story come to a good end, before the fall semester begins. I'm not making any promises, on that however, but I do promise to update more often as I should have more than enough time on my hands now. **

**So...without further ado...I present to you, my lovely readers, the next installment of Broken Twilight. This chapter is titled after The Last Night by Skillet (the perfect song for this chapter, I must say). Enjoy!**

**Broken Twilight**

**Chapter 18- The Last Night**

**Bella's POV**

"I'm a vampire, Bella."

I stared at Edward for a second, taking in his stance; the way he stood, ramrod straight, arms resting by his sides. I took in his expression, which displayed nothing but the utmost severity. I took in all this and I couldn't help my reaction. I laughed.

I laughed _hard_-cackled, really-for the first time in months. However, it wasn't a happy kind of laughter. Not the kind I longed for. It was the kind of laughter that comes out when you've endured all you possibly can and have finally reached your limit.

I snapped, but instead of lashing out or withdrawing into myself, I laughed. This news, it was the straw that broke the camel's back...it was the cherry on top of the pie that was my fucked up life. I'd officially reached my limit. I'd had enough impossible situations to last me a lifetime and then some. Gods, I didn't even know how to react anymore.

So, I laughed. I couldn't seem to stop, even as tears came to my eyes and a stitch made itself known in my side. I just laughed and laughed until it finally began to affect my ribcage and the burning, which had been previously stabilized due to the medication, returned in full swing.

It was then that I stopped. Lightly spluttering and choking on my guffaws, I reached for and came to lean on the wall closest to me, trying my hardest not to breathe too deeply.

Edward stepped closer, worried. "Are you okay?"

I held an arm out to stop him from coming any closer. "Yeah," I wheezed. "Just give me a sec."

Once I'd composed myself and felt I was at least semi-capable of having a serious conversation, I faced Edward and took him in. I looked him up and down, took in his pale skin, the way his once ocher eyes were now the darkest shade of charcoal. I took in his beauty, for he truly was a beautiful man. HE'S PERFECT, I thought. And he really was.

When my eyes returned to his, I smiled a bit ruefully. "A vampire, huh?"

For a moment, he seemed to search my face, my eyes for something. When he found what he was looking for, he smiled back sadly and nodded his head. "A vampire."

I shook my head, feeling the weight of the day's events settling heavily down upon my shoulders, and sank down to the floor.

"What a day..." I muttered, leaning my elbows on my crossed legs and burying my face in my hands. I shook my head, feeling emotions that I could no longer even describe. It no longer mattered that Edward had seen my ugly, bruised body. I couldn't bring myself to care anymore.

Everything was falling apart around me. Everything was so fucked up. I couldn't even wrap my head around it all. There was a mixture of denial and disbelief coursing through me. I felt nauseous. Sick to my stomach with it all.

I looked up at Edward. He was staring down at me with pity in his eyes. He felt sorry for me: poor, crazy, little Bella. I hated being pitied. I opened my mouth to tell him so, and snapped it shut immediately when I felt the familiar stirring in my stomach: the bile rising up and trying to escape. My eyes widened. I smacked a hand over my mouth and crawled-quite pitifully, indeed- over to the toilet and promptly began to upchuck the little bit of food that had not been sitting well in my stomach.

"Bella," I heard Edward whisper as he approached me. He knelt down beside the toilet and myself and made to pat my back.

"P-please," I managed between dry heaves, for there was no longer anything left for my stomach to reject. "Don't."

I rested my arm on the toilet seat and pressed my forehead against my clammy skin, trying to catch my breath. The pain had returned perhaps even stronger than before and every deep breath I inhaled felt like a thousand knives poking through my torso. It hurt so badly.

**Edward's POV**

"Bella," I whispered again. When she looked over at me, I thought for sure I was still alive because my heart…I swear I felt the long dormant organ twist and contort from the look in her eyes. Those beautiful pools of chocolate reflected nothing but complete and utter defeat.

Bella was quite obviously in great physical pain, but I just knew that the pain from her injuries couldn't possibly measure up to the mental and emotional agony that she seemed to be drowning in.

"Bella, please," I pleaded with her. "Let me help you. Let me…let me do _something_, _please_."

I saw the tears welling up in her eyes and I wished more than anything that I could take her pain away. I'd have give everything I had, all the priceless possessions I'd acquired throughout my incredibly long half-life, to be able to trade places with her- to feel what she was feeling because she looked so completely exhausted: as if she couldn't possibly continue to lead such a trying life.

I lifted a hand, and very slowly and deliberately reached out to the object of my affections. I saw her flinch, but I kept going and after what felt like a lifetime, my fingers came to a stop about a centimeter away from her pale, wet cheek.

There was so much I wanted to say to her; so much I wanted to ask and so much that I wanted to know about her life, but I didn't dare ask because I knew she wouldn't be very receptive to any such inquiries at the moment.

Her eyes were pleading with me, but I didn't know what it was that she wanted.

I would have given her the world in that moment.

When I finally made contact with her skin, I felt an electric shock course through my fingers and travel up my arm and down my spine, and I almost stopped. I almost pulled back, but she hadn't protested and I didn't want to startle her. Bella just closed her eyes and inhaled a deep, shuddering breath.

"Bella, look at me," I said, my voice raw with emotion. She opened her eyes, still breathing deeply, and let her intense gaze fall upon my own.

"Bella," I started. "I will never hurt you. Do you understand that?"

The look in her eyes was hesitant, as I began to stroke her cheek. "Please don't be afraid of me. Please, Bella. I will never do anything to hurt you. I will never wrong you in any way and so help me if I ever came across anyone who wanted to do you wrong…" I trailed off, shaking my head, because I wanted to tell her that I'd hurt them too, but that wasn't it. I'd kill them. If I ever came across the person who had hurt her, who had made her this way, gods help me, I would destroy that monster.

"Listen," I whispered. "I know it's hard for you to believe and I know you don't trust me, but I promise I will earn your trust. I will always be here for you and I will never let you down. No matter what, Bella. I will always take care of you."

"I can take care of myself," she whispered.

"I know," I said. "I know you can, sweetheart, but if you ever need an extra hand or someone to fall back on, or someone to talk to: a friend. I will be here. I only want to help you and if it's not too much to ask, will you please let me?"

Bella let out a heart-wrenching sigh and closed her eyes again. The next words that came out of her mouth almost killed me all over again. "Edward," she said, voice low and fragile like glass. "I wish you had just let Tyler's van hit me this morning….I wish you hadn't saved me."

My fingers stopped their movement over her skin. I closed my eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath, though I didn't really need it. Her intoxicating scent had completely engulfed the bathroom and I was surprised to find that I wasn't having trouble controlling my monster.

My feelings for this fragile child went beyond the mere lust for her blood. Yes, it was intoxicating, and yes my mouth still filled with venom at the thought of that sweet crimson liquid pumping through her veins, but it didn't matter as much any more. I could handle it. The burning in my throat was nothing when compared to the incredible ache I felt at hearing those words escape her pretty, pale lips.

When I opened my eyes again, Bella's gaze was trained on me. Her eyes were pained and mournful and I knew she was serious.

I'd seen the look on her face before I saved her this morning. Her expression had been a mixture of happiness and relief, but I hadn't fully understood it until this moment and the thought of what would have happened to her had I not stopped that van, the thought of Bella dying, her beautiful blood splattering all over the concrete and being washed away by the rain- it made me sick.

"Why, Bella?" I asked, horrified. "Why do you want to die? Why do you do this to yourself?" I held up my other hand-the one with the bloodied fingers-for reference.

Bella spared a glance at my fingers, which were covered in dry blood-her blood-and looked down at the floor, ashamed.

"I just-" she whispered. "I just don't know how much more of this I can take." She looked up at me, eyes begging me to understand.

"It hurts, Edward. And that-" she motioned towards her blade that lay forgotten on the floor. "-it helps. Even if it's only for a little while."

"What hurts?" I asked, desperate to know what ailed her. "What can't you take Bella?"

It was too late, however. She'd closed herself off. Bella shook her head, in answer, effectively shaking my hand away as well. Immediately, I mourned the loss of contact with her warm, soft skin.

"I…I can't talk about that." She stated definitively.

"Bell-" I started, but cut myself off. I wanted to know more, fuck did I want to know more, but I also didn't want to pry and end up completely loosing the connection we'd just formed. She'd withdrawn, yes, but what she'd already shared with me was enough. For the time being, at least.

She'd shared her feelings with me, she'd opened up and while it mightn't have been much, it was still progress when compared to how guarded and difficult she'd been when we first started talking.

I nodded my head in understanding and acceptance and stood up. Bella followed my movements and I could just barely spot a hint of a flinch when I held my hands out to help her up.

"Why don't we get you cleaned up, Bell?"

The girl in question stared at me for a long moment: sizing me up. She glanced back and forth between my outstretched hands and my eyes, which I knew were the darkest possible obsidian, and for a moment I thought she wouldn't take my hand. For a moment, as a hint of doubt and hesitance flickered in her expressive eyes, I thought she'd regressed. I thought she'd reject my assistance and pick herself up off the floor.

But, then that moment was gone and she merely nodded in acquiescence, looking, maybe not determined exactly, but ready and-gods help me-willing. She took a deep breath- readying herself for the physical contact-before accepting my helping hands.

Yes, we were making progress, indeed.

**(A/N)Well...there it is. After such a long wait, I know. I hope you all enjoyed it and I expect things to be moving along in the story now...their relationship is progressing slowly, but surely.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! I do so love to read your feedback, and I'm desperate to know if anyone is still reading this story...**

**Peace, Love, Unity and Respect to all! x)**


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